My partner calls my son fat

[Lisa784]

I’ve been with my partner since my son was small and he’s now a teen. For the past few years my partner has been saying constant fat shaming comments to my son and although I’ve approached him about this many times my partner is convinced he’s doing nothing wrong and says “that’s just how we talk to each other”. I’ve told him I’m not happy with it and it needs to stop but he just continues or reacts bu telling me I’m overreacting or to “go f myself”

my son hears the arguments about it and tells me it’s not a big deal and even joins my partner by taking the mick out of himself but I still feel sick to my stomach hearing him say these things to him.

comments such as “it’s like looking at a concave mirror” or “you look like a whale” or “mate you have boobs” I just hate my partner for it!

i see other dads encourage their children to do lor exercise or help them make better food choices but he just constantly puts him down and I really don’t know what to do or any anymore because I constantly get an argument back. There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him but he can’t do this one thing and stop being mean to my son. He’s great in so many other ways but I can’t allow him to be nice to me when he’s saying things like this to my son. He doesn’t do it in a mean way it’s like jokes and it’s not a nasty tone but I can’t help but feel that it is.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting and I have reason to be mad with him

Your child is being emotionally abused by your partner. This will have a lifelong impact on him. If you found your partner sexually or physically abusing your son what would you do? Do that.

I stopped reading at 'go fuxk yourself'

LTB

Your partner is an abusive twat to both you and your son.

The shit a woman will endure, just to have a man, is deeply depressing.

Kids before cock. Always.

Yes he does usually enjoy his company (apart from when he comes home moody from work) and he would be really upset if we split as we had the discussion before and he said he didn’t want us to split)

this

Charming

repeat after me "If you want us to stay together stop abusing my son. Coming home moody is not an excuse."

You shouldn't be involving your children with this adult choice. It's parenticication. He's likely scared to say what he thinks because he doubts you'll actually kick the abuser out, and then he'll just be in trouble.

That's a very immature line of thinking you're displaying.

Children don't always know what's best for them, which is why as a parent you need to determine this. He's likely fooling himself to minimise the hurt your partner is causing, and/or minimising it so you're not upset.

I have been reading a lot of similar threads to this one.Surely you know that it's not right to be living with someone who not only disrespectful towards your son,but to you.Two choices stay with him and continue putting up with his toxic behaviour towards you and your son or ask him to leave the property assuming it's under your name?

You put the decision about whether to split up with your abusive partner ir not on your son. The son who is so eager to please everyone that he joins in the teasing about his weight. You're the parent, the adult. You need to take responsibility and act as an advocate for your son.

Surely this can't be true, why would you let anyone speak to your son in this way?

This. When do you say enough is enough and put your child first so they are not exposed to an emotionally abusive man-child? I know your child has said he would be upset. Well of course he might be but the responsibility for your relationship should not be for him to hold. You are the adult and you have to take the flack and make the difficult decisions so your child doesn't have to and to keep them safe. You and your child deserve better. Be the protective parent your child needs.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting and I have reason to be mad with him

Some absolute twat is bullying your son and you want us to tell you you're right to be 'mad' at him? Get him away from your son for fucks sake.

This man ignores your feelings, tells you to go fuck yourself, and calls your DS names? I wouldn't describe him as a partner in any way, what a vile piece of work. LTB.

I hate that kind of blokey banter but I know people who do it and are good friends. But if you have a partner who is willing to tell you to go fuck yourself, you have a deeply rooted problem in your relationship.

👆

He bullies your son and when you try to address it his response is a hostile pejorative. You need much higher relationship standards.

Has this bad behavior just escalated slowly over time and you are the proverbial frog in the pot, not recognizing your situation?

Oh god another thread with another woman failing to protect their child.

FFS people need to give their head a wobble.

He's probably saying that as he knows you think you need him.

Your partner is a bully. Leave him and tell your son you love him very much, the split isn't his fault and it's not OK to body shame people. Your son says he doesn't want you to split because he doesn't know any different than to live with a bully. Your partner is vile.

What are his good points. You know it's possible to have a relationship without living together, you don't even need to introduce a partner to your DC for a good year or so, it's up to you.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting

The fact that you're still there when he's repeatedly called your son fat in nasty ways, told you to fuck off and you've felt you had to change yourself for him ...... Shows you have underreacted for a long time.

Your son is not a mature adult who can assess something, decide how it is and react accordingly, and defend himself. He is a vulnerable child and dependant and it is your job to assess these things and look after him.

Get the fk rid of this "man".

He may already have damaged your son, how much more damage are you going to let him do.