My partner calls my son fat

[Lisa784]

I’ve been with my partner since my son was small and he’s now a teen. For the past few years my partner has been saying constant fat shaming comments to my son and although I’ve approached him about this many times my partner is convinced he’s doing nothing wrong and says “that’s just how we talk to each other”. I’ve told him I’m not happy with it and it needs to stop but he just continues or reacts bu telling me I’m overreacting or to “go f myself”

my son hears the arguments about it and tells me it’s not a big deal and even joins my partner by taking the mick out of himself but I still feel sick to my stomach hearing him say these things to him.

comments such as “it’s like looking at a concave mirror” or “you look like a whale” or “mate you have boobs” I just hate my partner for it!

i see other dads encourage their children to do lor exercise or help them make better food choices but he just constantly puts him down and I really don’t know what to do or any anymore because I constantly get an argument back. There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him but he can’t do this one thing and stop being mean to my son. He’s great in so many other ways but I can’t allow him to be nice to me when he’s saying things like this to my son. He doesn’t do it in a mean way it’s like jokes and it’s not a nasty tone but I can’t help but feel that it is.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting and I have reason to be mad with him

Same. I think this is about the 3rd thread I’ve read in the last day or so where it’s literally made me want to cry for the children involved. It’s abuse pure and simple and no one is protecting them.

Your partner is a piece of shit. Vile.

Me too.
Utterly depressing and devastating for that poor child.

Can I just say as well that if your son is overhearing your arguments about it he’s probably frightened and concerned about that and is trying to protect you by saying he doesn’t mind. Don’t be so ridiculous as to think it isn’t hurtful to him.

both deadbeats that poor child ffs …what mother let’s this happen are you for real …

So if you're fat it's ok to have the piss ripped out of you about it? Get the fuck out.

OP, you know he's an abusive prick don't you? You know this, but because your confidence is eroded and he's made you think you take everything too seriously, you need to ask for opinions to reinforce what you already know in your gut.

I hope you leave him. Good luck.

You say 'he's great in so many other ways.' Is he really? Because calling your son fat (even as a 'joke') shows a basic lack of respect. Not a nice quality at all. There are considerate and respectful ways to broach the topic of weight and this isn't one of them.

Biological father who care about their children's health take them to park run, cook healthy meals with them, go cycling, kick a ball about. This unrelated male is being emotionally abusive. He doesn't actually care about your son one bit.

Not a big deal?
My father's comments similar to that were the reason I had an eating disorder for several years.
Put your son first and bin that absolute wanker.

I could not be with a person who on defending my son told me to go ‘f myself’. I hope you can find the strength to leave.

You are supposed to protect your son from bullies not house them, poor boy bullied for years in his own home 😢

Why are you still with this absolute twat of a man? Seriously.

Your partner is not great

Not at all

He is a vile bully

Your poor son

He tells you to "go fuck yourself" when you defend your son? Leave him.

It's so sad. Poor kid.

Agree. So sad for these poor kids stuck in such shitty environments.

Hee fucking disgusting speaking to anyone like that let alone a child. Trust me it will erode his confidence in himself- those words will be in his mind forever. Get rid of him asap he’s a bully and he’s gaslighting you about it. Please.

His self esteem is so eroded he's agreeing with the person bulling and emotionally abusing him, he doesn't even have the confidence to stand up for himself. You need to leave that nasty twat.

You are not a person in that house, you are a man's servant.

And your child is the dog he kicks.

He's 'great' in other ways because why? Because he doesn't physically beat you? Because he's not an alcoholic or a drug addict? Because he 'only' says go f yourself' when he could say a lot worse. Is that what you mean? Because your mother/father/sister thinks he's great and you are afraid to tell them the truth?

He's not great. He's a rude aggressive and abusive. And God love you, you've been brought up to think that's normal fare for women to endure.

It's not normal.

That's horrific, and its failure to emotionally protect. There is no justification for not stopping it immediately by any legal means necessary. ( Either you leave with your kids, or he does. ) Doesn't seem likely that any change in behavior will happen as you have clearly tried. Just end it before your boy spends a lifetime struggling with self esteem and his relationship with you for allowing it.

I still remember comments made to me as a child/teen about my weight. And they still hurt just as much. Along with the fact my mother allowed it! Either get rid or go.

Christ, increase your standards immediately. You've changed yourself to make him happy and allowed him to make comments for years about your son's weight?
I'm sorry to sound harsh but is your self-esteem that low you watch on as your child is treated like shit by your partner and it doesn't occur to you to tell him to fuck off?

My uncle did this as an ‘joke’ and it triggered an eating disorder between ages 12-17 and it still affects me. And that was only seeing him every week or so. Imagine living with this person. Maybe he’s laughing it off and devastated inside. Protect your son and put him first.

That's so sad that you think he is a nice individual. Sounds toxic for your DS. You need to raise the bar for yourself.

He’s great in so many other ways

Yep when he’s not being an abusive bullying cunt I’m sure he’s an absolute dreamboat

He is definitely not ok with it. Laughing along when being bullied is easier then showing its hurtful.
Doesn't matter if he says it in a joke way.

If one of your relatives joked about your appearance or a friend would you think it was OK.
Why have you stayed with him so long . If he didn't stop after you first asking him too then you should have split up.