My partner calls my son fat

[Lisa784]

I’ve been with my partner since my son was small and he’s now a teen. For the past few years my partner has been saying constant fat shaming comments to my son and although I’ve approached him about this many times my partner is convinced he’s doing nothing wrong and says “that’s just how we talk to each other”. I’ve told him I’m not happy with it and it needs to stop but he just continues or reacts bu telling me I’m overreacting or to “go f myself”

my son hears the arguments about it and tells me it’s not a big deal and even joins my partner by taking the mick out of himself but I still feel sick to my stomach hearing him say these things to him.

comments such as “it’s like looking at a concave mirror” or “you look like a whale” or “mate you have boobs” I just hate my partner for it!

i see other dads encourage their children to do lor exercise or help them make better food choices but he just constantly puts him down and I really don’t know what to do or any anymore because I constantly get an argument back. There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him but he can’t do this one thing and stop being mean to my son. He’s great in so many other ways but I can’t allow him to be nice to me when he’s saying things like this to my son. He doesn’t do it in a mean way it’s like jokes and it’s not a nasty tone but I can’t help but feel that it is.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting and I have reason to be mad with him

There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him
he is controlling. That is abuse.

I can’t allow him to be nice to me when he’s saying things like this to my son
But you are. How do you think you are not?

he would be really upset if we split as we had the discussion before and he said he didn’t want us to split)

Maybe he's only saying what he thinks will please you and make you happy.

Maybe he can't recognise how bad this is because he's only a kid.

Maybe he can't recognise how bad this is because he's not experienced better.

Maybe he's never had the experience of a decent adult male in his home.

He doesn't judge who is ok or abusive ...he is a child. You judge it. You are the parent and adult.

As pps. Please get rid of him.

Don’t whatever you do, make an issue of your son’s weight. It will only cause him issues. My son was chubby as an early teen and is now straight up and down.

apart from when he comes home moody from work

And why should you two have to deal with him being moody and unpleasant after work?

Protect your child, what's wrong with you?

He bullies your son
He tells you to go fuck your self
You’ve changed things about yourself to keep him happy

Come on @Lisa784 wake up!!!

Fucking hell. Your son is being bullied and abuse in plain sight and you still defend yourself for choosing cock over his welfare.

Disgusting but hey as long as he treats you well in between being a cunt to your son that’s ok then

FFS. - you’re supposed to be a mother. Act like one and put your son first

Exactly.

You are the adult and parent.

You are the one with responsibility.

You are the one with life experience.

You can consider his feelings .... But you make the call on what's best for him, even if he thinks it's fine. Kids think lots of things are ok for them that are not.

Your lack of confidence and assurance in yourself seems to be across the board here. (it's also why you've changed yourself for this guy and why you haven't told him to GTFO when he told you to fuck off).

Gross, if anyone insulted my dd they'd sure as hell only do it the once 🤬

Your poor ds.

I'd leave for him telling me to 'go f myself'.

He would say that ONE time, and that would be it. I would call it out and not tolerate it.

Your son's home needs to be his safe place.

You win the enabler award

twat

OP, how can you not understand that your partner is a nasty bully towards your teenage child?

This isn't friendly banter, it's body shaming bullying.

And shame on you, for letting it carry on.

He’s emotionally abusing your child and your child will be internalising all these messages about his appearance and have his self esteem
destroyed. If you’ve asked him to stop, and explained why you want him to, and he hasn’t changed, he never will, because people who can’t accept they’ve done anything wrong never change. Whether it will upset your son or not, your son needs to learn that it’s never ok to emotionally abuse someone and you’re willing to advocate for him and put his emotions first.

@SuffolkUnicorn speaking as a former stepchild, I believe this is genuine. The woman who gave birth to me allowed this too and a lot worse.

My mum did the same to me. I was wondering if it was a troll post as there’s been lots of similar threads

Get some self respect.
and put your child first.
any person who spoke to my child like that would be out, and you talk about him telling you to go f**k yourself like that is a normal and ok way for a partner to speak to you, in front of your child? I despair

and I’m sorry I can’t get rid of that accidental gif! 😂

Yeah this is not on.

Your poor boy will be full of self loathing which he will carry into adulthood, affecting everything from work, relationship, health.

You need to put a stop to it now.

This is just awful
He is going to cause long term effects on your son
He also tells you to go fuck yourself??

You are allowing your son to see this terribly dysfunctional relationship play out at his cost.
Please tell your boyfriend to leave

Your poor son - how can you allow him to be treated like that?!! Your son is only saying he doesnt want you to split because he doesnt want to upset you. He must have zero self esteem.

please get rid of this horrible bully of a man

Why are you not protecting your child by getting rid of his abuser?