Do you know of women who are controlling? Are there equal numbers of controlling men and women in relationships?

[Nylla]

I was wondering if people know of women who are controlling with their husbands/partners.

I hear more about controlling men. But I was wondering if there are just as many women.

Have you not heard women complaining about their mother-in-law? Of course women can be controlling, maybe they just present in a different way.

I know way more controlling women than i do controlling men

Personally I'd say that I know more controlling men. Not sure if that's representative or not.

Yes I do know controlling women

I don't think there any way of coming up with statistics for it so saying men or women are more controlling won't work because it can also manifest in different ways.

I know men and women who are controlling in their interpersonal relationships but often in different ways.

I know a couple yes.

If a woman is controlling a man, it is only with consent. In the same way the British Police work. In the same way the Government governs with consent.

Men can so easily be controlling because in the final analysis men can always use the threat of violence or actual violence to ensure compliance.

Dhs stepdad left dhs mum (over 25 years married) He literally took a bag of clothes and walked out of the house one day & never returned.

She was controlling to the max, she’d check his phone, didn’t like his friends, she’d make fun of him, calling him fat ( he wasn’t) she’d control what he ate, but she was financially controlling too. He would bring money home from labouring jobs & she’d take it off him, buying herself new things, but he wore old clothes & had to ask if he could buy new things. She mentally wore him down over time. He wasn’t always like that.
There’s lots of other horrible things she did, physically & mentally that I won’t go into on here. She’s a pretty horrible person. When he finally had enough & left, she crumbled, her power source taken away, she started to play the victim (those close to her knew it was all bs) now she tells everyone she kicked him out. She can’t stand that he left her.

I knew someone who left his controlling wife, she by the sounds of it hated that he left her so made everything so difficult for him when he did.

I left an abusive marriage so when he told me (I had never told him) I did believe him because certain things he said are things I used to say.

I think the men who have been horrifically abused under coercive control with the women charged and convicted of it would say otherwise. As would the Police, CPS and the courts.

It is not just women who can be controlled with the threat of or actual, violence by men.

Alex Skeel case is one of several.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Skeel

I'm not a 'whatabout the menz' person but we shouldn't minimise female on male abuse and say the men consented to being controlled because that's factually incorrect and victim blaming.

I've come across a few women over the decades who seem to have that 'controlling' element.
Strangely enough, a number of them were teachers or worked in schools.

( I'll get me coat.)

@LooneyLiberalSpaceWaster ah yes, I forgot women cannot hit, or bite, scratch, stab, burn or bludgeon people.

I’ll go pop my 3rd degree black belt certificate in the bin and continue being a gentle flower unable to open a jar with my delicate hands.

But yes, women can 100% be controlling. It gets normalised by calling a man “whipped” or “under the thumb” etc. men find it hard/er to seek help in these situations,

Yes, women can be controlling, I know plenty of them. But they're usually excused by stresses of motherhood and life.

Yep I know one. The bloke is a hollow shell. She has emasculated him. She has made herself his enabler. She is a mother figure. He’s not consulted on anything. She just ploughs ahead with what she wants to do. Then she’ll have us all believe they’re equals in a decent marriage. Bizarre x

Yes, women can be as bad as men.

Of course women can be controlling. The reason it's perhaps less well known is because a) controlling behaviour is less likely to be accompanied by violence b) men are less likely to put up with controlling behaviour (women are programmes to be care givers, to be kind, to compromise, to accept responsibility etc).

I think this is also the reason we hear more about narcissistic mothers. Narcissistic men are more likely to have women (their partners) as their victims. Narcissistic women can have male victims, of course, but it is easier for them to target their children.

Purely from listening to people i've met - relatives, neighbours, friends, acquaintances, house mates etc. I'd say I have heard of about two women who were controlling, and about .... 50 or so men so far.

So, to me, while women can be like that; it's mostly a male dysfunction.

(I've also personally experience a controlling relationship, but I would not really along with the control, so it became a relationship of blow ups/fall outs, followed by reconciliations, discussions, and periods of calm. The blow ups ; and the apprehension of the blow ups became so consistent and negative that (among other factors) it sunk the relationship.
I remember saying "are we back to this again?" and him (Irish) answering with an aggressive/vicious "Aye!!!", and it cemented that he was not going to stop).

Personally I think there are probably far more controlling women. Granted most of it will be the low-level, semi-consensual "she's the boss haha" type dynamic. But I think that still counts.

Yes, we know we hear more about controlling men on Mumsnet because it’s primarily a site aimed a women (which is understandable) but in reality there are likely to be just as many women who are also controlling. Women can be more manipulative although this doesn’t apply to everyone, obviously.

Fully disagree with you, it is not “with consent” when a man is controlled or abused by a woman, it’s actually usually with taboo, stigma and shame that a man suffers in silence with abuse. It’s seen as weak and unmanly and is hidden more.

@Nylla statistics are a long way off being anywhere close to accurate in abuse cases (control is abuse) and this is because both men and women hide the abuse and do not report it as often as they should.
men are often ridiculed for “allowing” a woman to abuse them
victim blaming happens all too often for both sexes

Personally I think many women are controlling but our social norms mean it flies under the radar. For example, checking exactly where their partner is and when he is going to come home. Making him detail or account for his movements. Commenting on his eating, commenting on his exercise habits. Buying him clothes so the woman decides what the man wears (because somehow he's not capable of choosing his own?). Telling him how to organise his clothes, his washing, his area of the bedroom. The list goes on. I would say the majority of women are conditioned to think that treating their adult male partner like an incompetent teenager is normal, whereas actually I think many of these things are controlling behaviours.

Controlling isn't always through the use of violence or the threat of it, it comes in a variety of forms. It can be in relation to more or less anything to do with a person's sense of self and self-worth shrug

Women are the most toxic I find. Yes absolutely 💯 we can be controlling.

We are more subtle though and infinitely more coercive. My school was full of the most hateful, spiteful and vile bullies. Quite a number of work places which were managed by other women were also a cess pit of back stabbing, career ruining bullies. Foe the past number of years I have worked closely with male colleagues, the difference is startling. So much clamer, no shoulder checking and no toxic atmosphere.

This is bullshit. To even suggest that all men will use the threat of violence, I’m actually disgusted by this comment. And women can use violence too. It is not male specific.

my friend was controlling in her marriage, it was very bad, and she behaved and treated him terribly , like a dog. she was deeply unhappy and she eventually ended thr marriage and wasn’t like that in her next relationship. He stayed for the kids, and he behaved in a way that he was always trying to appease her, did as he was told and took the abuse.