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Original poster

Light fingered friend

146 replies

Mpc71 · 02/05/2024 11:55

We often meet with a group of friends for dinner parties and a bit of a laugh.
We've started to realise that one of the bunch has developed a habit for pinching things from our house and from other friends.
I can't quite understand her, she has a great job, is really lovely, has a lovely partner ( who I think is aware of the issue!), yet she is gaining a terrible reputation due to this awful habit.
She's nicked all sorts from a treasured glass to really expensive slippers.
I'm not sure how to address it as she can be super fragile; it's been really upsetting for my whole family after she (it had to be her!) stole a family heirloom.
I really don't want to ditch her as a friend because her partner is such a great chap (bit hairy but otherwise ok).
Any advice on how to move forward gratefully received!

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 02/05/2024 15:40

Message her with a copy of the images and give very her 24 hours to return the property.

Tell her partner.

Tell your friends.

Cut her off and never see her again.

1983Louise · 02/05/2024 15:46

She's not fragile she's a thief, deal with it accordingly.

Lou670 · 02/05/2024 15:52

'We've started to notice'. Who are 'we', we, as in you and others that live in your house or we, as in you and the other friends? If it's the other friends and she is stealing from their homes too, what have they said about it? So she has helped your son out workwise. What has that got to do with any of this? What hold has she over your son and his job?

I would show her the CCTV footage and want an explanation and (if she still has it) the item that she stole from you. Surely for your own sake and the sake of your friends you cannot let this go or have her round to your home again. How can you relax over a dinner party when she is present and not knowing what she is going to do?

Ohnobackagain · 02/05/2024 15:58

@Mpc71
“Dear Friend,
I wasn’t sure how to address this, but we were reviewing CCTV the other day and noticed you with Heirloom X. This doesn’t seem like you and we are worried - hoping you are ok. However, this item is precious
and we would like it back please”

Take it from there - she might return or it may stop further items going. Could you show the footage to her partner?

KreedKafer · 02/05/2024 16:06

StarlightLime · 02/05/2024 12:16

I really don't want to ditch her as a friend because her partner is such a great chap (bit hairy but otherwise ok)
Is your whole post one of those tedious in jokes?
If not, you sound a little odd.

Fully expecting the OP to say 'Haha, my friend and her partner are a pair of Labradors and one of them can't resist taking things from people's houses. Aren't I a hilarious prankster?'

SpringerFall · 02/05/2024 16:29

BloodyHellKenAgain · 02/05/2024 15:15

I've just remembered @Mpc71 that about 100 years ago I knew someone who was doing something similar. Not to me, but other friends parents (we were all in our teens).
She was taking things and storing them away at her house.
From memory she was quite emotionally fragile and eventually had a breakdown so I would tread carefully if I were you.
It's a bad situation for all of you, good luck x

The op or anyone in this situation is not to blame, society moreand more excuses 'well they have issues so tip toe around' you steal you know it is wrong

Jeneregrettaisrien · 02/05/2024 17:34

« I'm not sure how to address it as she can be super fragile; it's been really upsetting for my whole family after she (it had to be her!) stole a family heirloom »

« it had to be her » but then you mention that you have it on cctv…

This doesn’t add up at all.

Takenoprisoner · 02/05/2024 18:51

CantFindTheBeat · 02/05/2024 12:19

What does her partner is 'a bit hairy' mean?

Is this a post about a TV show?

Hairy like a troll, maybe? Hmmm

Gymmum82 · 02/05/2024 18:55

I’d be tempted to send her the footage and say I’m sure you didn’t intend to take this. But as it’s a family heirloom we’d like it back please.
Or send it and say care to explain this. You can’t stay friends with a theif just to preserve your sons job

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/05/2024 19:24

purplecorkheart · 02/05/2024 12:11

Hi xxx, we can see from our Cameras that you took item y home with you on x date. This is a treasured item and means a lot to me and my family. Please return it asap.

I'd do this.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/05/2024 19:25

I would not just let it slide, however good a friend her partner is. It's not tolerable, OP, it really isn't.

LIZS · 02/05/2024 19:26

You are prioritising a "friend" over your family's feelings. Why?

ArchaeoSpy · 02/05/2024 19:34

lock all the valuables away for future dinner parties or have restrictions with different areas and use eg key codes etc ? @Mpc71

Newestname002 · 02/05/2024 20:21

ArchaeoSpy · 02/05/2024 19:34

lock all the valuables away for future dinner parties or have restrictions with different areas and use eg key codes etc ? @Mpc71

Or don't invite her back again, whether she returns the item or not. 🌹

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 02/05/2024 20:24

SpringerFall · 02/05/2024 12:41

Well if there is any mugs left that is

Show quote history

😆

Hillrunning · 02/05/2024 22:04

My god, I'm funny, kind, polite, interested and still can't manage to keep friends. How on earth are thieves managing to find a group of friends? I give up!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/05/2024 22:28

'Dear friend, I've just checked cctv after we couldn't find heirloom and saw you admiring it and looks like you accidentally pocketed it! What are we all like after a drink!? Reminds me of last week when I walked out of a cafe without paying at all! Anyway when you have two minutes please can you pop it over - I'm out tomorrow but will leave the porch door open, thanks!' Then drop her like a stone when your son no longer needs her help!

Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 22:58

'Sarah, I know that you are having a tough time right now and it is probably making you act out in ways you wouldn't normally. Know that we all care about you. But last week, a family heirloom went missing. We have cctv of you taking it from the garage. Please return this item within the week and we will say no more about this. If the item is not returned however, we will have to go to the police. Everyone has tough days and makes mistakes. I hope you can rectify this mistake before it means the end of our friendship. And that going forwards, you seek help for whatever is going on with you before you get yourself into trouble that cannot be resolved'.

Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 23:05

And your son will be fine if you make sure she knows you have cctv. Because if she causes gin any issues, that footage could find its way to HER boss.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/05/2024 23:47

You're very passive considering a " friend" has stolen your family heirloom
Message her and ask for it back screenshot your evidence, and never let her in again

Bettysnow · 02/05/2024 23:48

Buy some of that invisible permanent, anti theft blue ink and paint it on anything that isn't nailed down. Install a UV light above your front door and confront her when she turns into a large smurf.
Alternatively you all should start setting traps like glitter bombs, glue and feathers, that sort of thing. She won't be long in stopping

AppleCrumbCake · 02/05/2024 23:59

hi Marjorie, would it be possible to pop great aunt Agatha’s antique corset back to us. It’s got such sentimental value and we’d be heart broken to be without it. Lets keep this between us,

TulipPower1981 · 03/05/2024 07:20

Does anyone like visualise an American house? And the ‘friend’ standing outside an open garage door twirling said heirloom in her hand before grinning and putting it in her pocket? Then flouncing off in her glitter and heels to the car?

Lighteningstrikes · 03/05/2024 07:50

Jeneregrettaisrien · 02/05/2024 17:34

« I'm not sure how to address it as she can be super fragile; it's been really upsetting for my whole family after she (it had to be her!) stole a family heirloom »

« it had to be her » but then you mention that you have it on cctv…

This doesn’t add up at all.

This.
Well spotted @Jeneregrettaisrien

And the hairy boyfriend 😂

Good entertainment, but try harder next time.

JammyJellyfish · 03/05/2024 08:19

I think you have two options here:

  1. approach her directly (face to face) and ask for the heirloom back and ask her to get help for her issue. It will be an addition or habit to see if she can get away with it.
  2. Ask her partner for his help in the return of the heirloom and see if he wants to address the issue with her.

Her 'super fragile' nature will be behind the kleptomania and there will be a backstory somewhere but it needs to be addressed.

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