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Original poster

Light fingered friend

146 replies

Mpc71 · 02/05/2024 11:55

We often meet with a group of friends for dinner parties and a bit of a laugh.
We've started to realise that one of the bunch has developed a habit for pinching things from our house and from other friends.
I can't quite understand her, she has a great job, is really lovely, has a lovely partner ( who I think is aware of the issue!), yet she is gaining a terrible reputation due to this awful habit.
She's nicked all sorts from a treasured glass to really expensive slippers.
I'm not sure how to address it as she can be super fragile; it's been really upsetting for my whole family after she (it had to be her!) stole a family heirloom.
I really don't want to ditch her as a friend because her partner is such a great chap (bit hairy but otherwise ok).
Any advice on how to move forward gratefully received!

OP posts:
Whalewatching · 02/05/2024 12:56

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 02/05/2024 12:30

My priority would be getting the heirloom back, and you have best chance of this if you let her save face. 'Hi, just noticed you have accidentally picked up the red widget from the living room, must have been one of those absent-minded moments we all have, ha ha. It's a family item with great sentimental value, so could you drop it back to me tonight, thanks x'

If she doesn't return it quickly, police. How can she damage your son's career now he's in role, unless she is the business owner?

I have got something back that was taken from my house by texting the person something similar. It also may also ‘wake them up’ in a gentle way before they really get themselves in bother.

Crumpleton · 02/05/2024 13:07

Mpc71 · 02/05/2024 12:25

I didn’t make it clear but she got my son an amazing job and calling her out could jeopardise his future

Edited

You say you have CCTV evidence that it was her.

Why would her being a thief jeopardise your DS future?
I'd imagine she'll have more to worry about knowing that there's evidence out there of her stealing someone's property.

wompwomp · 02/05/2024 13:12

Then don't call the police. Just speak with her. Tell her you know this is something she does. You don't understand it but you need to start by asking her to return the heirloom. Then you can ask if she wants to talk about the wider picture

If she denies it just say calmly that you have footage

VeraForever · 02/05/2024 13:28

Overt fragility is often used as a weapon.

Don't fall for it and get your heirloom back .

Tillievanilly · 02/05/2024 13:29

Could you make it lighthearted because of your son’s job.” Dear Z, I know we all had fun on Saturday and probably too much wine! But x has gone missing and this is kind of awkward as I have it walking off in your coat on cctv. Pass it to my son or drop it round next time your passing. No harm done! “
However I think I would invite her round less in future!

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 02/05/2024 13:35

What on earth have I just read. You have proof she stole something that is priceless to your family and you are worried she is too fragile to cope with being confronted. She is not to fragile to be a disgusting thief.

Greywitch2 · 02/05/2024 13:38

Cool story.

I think you should fill your house with more treasured heirlooms then leave her alone with them. Make sure they are small and easily hidden in her handbag - great granny's diamond brooch, that kind of thing.

It's the least you owe her after she got your son an amazing job, after all. It would be ungrateful to do any less.

Catoo · 02/05/2024 13:39

Mpc71 · 02/05/2024 12:04

She helped my son get a job in a really difficult vocation.
Wet know it was her who stole the heirloom as we have cctv on our garage which showed her taking it out of her coat and looking at it as she left our property

It’s quite simple. Text her and say what you need to say to get it back.

You saw her on CCTV with the heirloom You know she didn’t deliberately try to upset your family but she has
You need to know where it is and when she is bringing it back.
If she brings it back you won’t go to the police.
You value her friendship will help her to get support for this impulse going forward
Ask if she needs financial help

Whether you actually do support her afterwards or remain friends is immaterial. Priority is get object back. Then decide.

I’d be done.

Cas112 · 02/05/2024 13:40

Get a spine OP she is a thief

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 02/05/2024 13:48

I would go via her “lovely” partner - say that it’s missing, it’s a family heirloom and you have cctv that shows her/his partner taking it. That you just want it back, and would rather not cause a fuss or go to the police, but is his/her partner ok because this isn’t normal behaviour and perhaps they need help. Stress you want to be supportive etc.

then only agree to meet out, a pub/restaurant etc. never your home.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/05/2024 13:52

It's more likely your son could ruin her career given the video evidence.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/05/2024 13:59

I didn’t make it clear but she got my son an amazing job and calling her out could jeopardise his future

What, as in "I thieved something from this man's parents and they caught me so now I want him fired as revenge on them for not letting me get away with it" sort of scenario?

People who claim to be 'delicate' frequently use it as a cover for bad behaviour because they know that no-one will dare tackle them and they'll be indulged. How much more is she going to be allowed to thieve from you because you're just so grateful to her?

semideponent · 02/05/2024 14:02

Mpc71 · 02/05/2024 12:04

She helped my son get a job in a really difficult vocation.
Wet know it was her who stole the heirloom as we have cctv on our garage which showed her taking it out of her coat and looking at it as she left our property

Someone in the situation needs to grasp the nettle here. As things stand, it sounds as if everyone is burdened by the anxiety of keeping things unseen and unsaid. Now they're seen and now something must be said.

You're not saying anything because you feel...indebted? And she has claimed that debt via theft. There are better and more honest ways of managing and balancing human transactions like these.

Maddy70 · 02/05/2024 14:03

I would call the police. She isnt a friend .... she may have done something nice for you once but that doesnt excuse her

BananaLambo · 02/05/2024 14:07

‘Hi Susan, I’m on my way round to collect the ceremonial axe you took the other night. If there’s anything else you need to return to me I’ll pick it up then too. See you in 15 minutes.’

Then if she denies it just say,

’Susan, we literally have CCTV of you taking it out of your pocket to look at it outside the house 😂 See you in 10 minutes.’

Then if she still denies it say,

’Susan, a joke’s a joke, but that’s a family heirloom and if you don’t return it I’m going to report it to the police and send them the CCTV footage. See you in 5 minutes’.

betterangels · 02/05/2024 14:08

Bet she's only 'fragile' when she wants to get away with batshit behaviour. Such as repeated stealing. If her partner knows and does nothing, he's a mug too.

Newestname002 · 02/05/2024 14:34

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 02/05/2024 13:48

I would go via her “lovely” partner - say that it’s missing, it’s a family heirloom and you have cctv that shows her/his partner taking it. That you just want it back, and would rather not cause a fuss or go to the police, but is his/her partner ok because this isn’t normal behaviour and perhaps they need help. Stress you want to be supportive etc.

then only agree to meet out, a pub/restaurant etc. never your home.

I think I'd go this route. But also never again have her in your house because you could never trust her again. 🌹

MermaidEyes · 02/05/2024 14:40

Maybe next time she'll steal your razor for her hairy husband

wherewegoing · 02/05/2024 14:42

bit hairy but otherwise ok

Wtf!?

earther · 02/05/2024 14:49

If the post is real i think its made up because no one would stay friends with any if they keep stealing.

To them saying 24 hours i dont think so id be at her door or have it out with her there and then the moment i found out.

StarlightLime · 02/05/2024 14:50

wherewegoing · 02/05/2024 14:42

bit hairy but otherwise ok

Wtf!?

Probably hoping for lots of spitting of tea over keyboards and nominations for classics.

wherewegoing · 02/05/2024 14:51

StarlightLime · 02/05/2024 14:50

Probably hoping for lots of spitting of tea over keyboards and nominations for classics.

Show quote history

You are probably right. Too many of those lately.

cookiehannah · 02/05/2024 14:53

Relationships are built on trust and if you can't trust her how is she a friend?
I think you need to address this issue with her or you may not see it again and as sentimental as it is to you, it probably means nothing to her, just a cheap thrill and she thinks she got away with it so will continue.
What will be next? Your phone, car keys? This is no way to behave.

TinkerTiger · 02/05/2024 14:53

Try harder

wherewegoing · 02/05/2024 14:54

TinkerTiger · 02/05/2024 14:53

Try harder

I think sadly this was the best she could do.

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