I broke up with my ex four years ago. It was a bad relationship, some coercive control, a lot of gaslighting, sexual coercion, although he would never see it like this or fully admit it. When we split, we informally agreed 50/50 share care of DS, who is now 10. I was pretty broken by the end of it, and perhaps if I'd felt stronger, I'd have sought legal advice or advocated for more custody - but I felt by then that the only thing ex cared about was our child and I had to let him have 50/50. Perhaps worth saying my ex left his first wife many years ago and two children who he doesn't have much to do with, so he sees our DS as his second chance.
Fast forward 4 years - ex lives 10 minutes away with his GF. We still do 50/50 though I do more - all the organising, admin. I'm with someone very kind and supportive who lives an hour away, and I would like to move in the end to be with him, before DS starts secondary school (15 months away). He has 3 children and complicated custody arrangements so moving to him seems like the best option. Not to mention the area is nicer / safer than where I live. I also live in a shared ownership property where the service charge is being hiked. It rose £300 a month last month, and long term it is not an option to stay there. I can't afford to buy outright in London - impossible as a single mother, even though I earn well. My ex, with no consultation with me, is retiring in October - he's ten years older than me. I feel this is negligent of our son's needs and puts the financial burden long term onto me.
I gently mentioned this possible move to my ex a few weeks ago, suggesting a reconfiguration of weekends (or most weekends) and school holidays with him, school time with me. It was all very tentative but he wasn't happy. He suggested that I move and he had full custody. We hadn't talked about it since, but yesterday when he came to collect DS, he said he would take me to court over it - while DS was in the other room, packing his bag. It was quite a shock.
I know DS needs are central to all this and I don't know how he would feel about moving. I know he likes my partner and his children. We've been away together and spent lots of time with each other. I hadn't asked DS because I wanted to get his dad on side. Now it seems like this won't happen, and I wonder if I should just forget it - accept I have to stay in London for the next 6/7 years. But mostly I feel triggered and very upset by my ex telling me what I can't / can't do again.
Does anyone have experience of court cases and relocation? I'm not sure I can face it.