It's hard to explain or to understand myself really. I suppose I'm posting to try and work through what I'm thinking/feeling rather than becaise anyone can answer for him.
I wouldn't necessarily think once a fortnight was too bad either.
The longest relationship I had was almost completely sexless. I mean, years would go between us having sex rather than weeks or months. The last time we had sex, my exh said he didn't want to do it again because it made him feel dirty. At the time, I understood this to mean because he felt disgusted by me but I've since realised that what he meant was it made him feel like shit having sex with someone he suspected didn't really want to even though it was completely consensual and I had initiated it.
And that's how I feel now.
I'd rather sex was taken completely off the table, because the rest of the relationship would be great without that particular elephant in the room otherwise.
Are you sure he's not thinking that it is you who has gone off sex? And all this is his way of not putting you under pressure.
This is where it gets complicated.
He probably does think this. Because that's the common narrative isn't it? Women go off sex. Especially when they're entering the menopause - which I am.
The problem is that I have gone off it now but only in response to his lack of interest.
He reduced the sex and it happened quite quickly. We had sex 3 times in one week as we had been doing and then he started reading in bed. One night, he was scrolling through fb and then played a game on his phone. I cuddled up to him as normal and he completely ignored me.
And then he'd come up to bed after me and wait for me to be asleep. That lasted for about 3 weeks. I tried initiating once or twice but he just ignored it. And the duvet issue started.
After that, sex was once a week for several months and then I initiated it one weekend and he rejected me. Then it went to fortnightly. Just like that.
If it had been gradual and the one or two days in between had become 3 or 4 had become 5 or 6, it would have made more sense.
The sad thing is that we had sex the weekend before last and he didn't finish. Two weeks before that I was on my period. I'm due on again this weekend and can feel the physical symptoms. So it's likely to happen today. That means we'll have had sex once this month, and he didn't even finish.
I've completely lost my confidence. I don't want to do anything other than a bit of foreplay then sex because I feel so shit about myself now. It's perfunctory rather than fun and leaves me feeling empty and disconnected.
I think it's become a vicious circle. He no doubt finds it unsatisfying because of this because I can't help how I feel.
I have broached it with him but he hasn't given a reason or explanation. He just says that he loves me and insists he does find me attractive but that's all.