Caught boyfriend masturbating

[Truckerbabe]

Hi , my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He's always acted very sexually closed off. He said I was too risky and a exhibitionist. I let him know I was open to everything except porn , that's a hard boundry for me . He told me he didn't indulge in that , I've caught him watching porn multiple times knowing it was my boundary that shouldn't be broken.ive forgiven him and were trying to move on from that but that being said he also states he never mastubates. Now today I've caught him masturbating. I suppose what I'm really upset about is he pretends and lies and says he doesn't do these things but does. Also too I'm sexually open ill do almost anything so why lie to me why masturbate and lie to me, we have decent amount of sex and its great so am I not enough ? If I openly express to you I like to see you masturbate why lie to me .I was also told by him he didn't want me sexually pleasing myself with my toys as it makes him feel inadequate..Why not share it with me? Why can he and i cant ..Someone please enlighten me

Jesus I'd feel suffocated in this.

Why do people think they have a right to tell their partner they're not allowed to masturbate. From either of your sides. Masturbation is a personal thing, it's not about your relationship and nobody has a right to control it. Including porn use. Unless you can report it to the police its none of your business.

I hate people thinking they can control somebody's body just becusse they're dating or married.

I haven't treated it like anything we haven't even discussed it . The lying is a betrayal though and when he comes at me because I walked in on it and didn't say a word because he knew he lied then what?

Or how he dictates I can't cause it makes him feel small but he can ?

He's not very sexually active in private. He masturbates. At an undetermined frequency. Still not sex though.

He lies beucase it's clearly a big deal.

If I "caught" DP wanking I'd either say "sorry, enjoy yourself" or "fancy some company" depending on how I felt. It would be a complete non event and would require no further discussion.

You're not making any sense - you've forgiven him multiple times, yet you don't discuss the issue?

No wonder he keeps doing it.

sorry OP that all these responses are crap and totally missing the point of your post. If he lies to you regularly and confidently then of course you would have an issue with that. Lies multiply.

telling you he doesn’t want you using toys, then lying about his own solo sexual activity is controlling and sounds like he’s seeking an imbalance of power where you are reliant on him for sexual satisfaction, but he is not reliant on you

yes he sounds like a narcissist. No amount of communicating with someone like that can help them treat you better or with more humanity. Lundy Bancroft has a book called should I stay or should I go

@everyone who’s jumped in to defend him - since when is shame / guilt a valid reason to lie to your partner??? The fact that most men masturbate / look at porn makes it a huge red flag to lie to your intimate partner about it. Not to mention shaming OP for being open about her sexual desire. he won’t change, his views on sex are hardcoded and likely one-sided and misogynistic

good luck OP you’re better than this x

You can masturbate. He can masturbate. No further discussion required.

OP you can't stop him masturbating 😂

We're not missing the point.
I think a lot of us just don't think this would be considered 'lying' because it's something that people are allowed to keep private if they wish.

No he doesn't sound like a narcissist 😂 Hypocritical sure, but there's nothing that makes him sound like a narcissist.

What do you mean that he comes at you because you walked in on it? He complained that you walked in?

. I love how people replying are ignoring the subject at hand which is why he lies but then criticizes me
It isn't about criticism of you, it's about raising your awareness of your own position. To some other people, you seem to be controlling and suffering from sexual hang-ups that are affecting your relationship. It might be that you have put your boyfriend in a position where he feels he has to lie. Also, you 'caught' him masturbating - it's his body, he's entitled to pleasure from it. Don't you masturbate?

Your trying to say your sexually open but have a issue with him master batting and possibly watching porn.
Sexually conservative, well as we grow and change or habits 😄 likes, what floats our boat changes.
He "lied" to you about this.
So what maybe he enjoys is that your grief is not worth mentioning.
I feel your trying to be more sexually open comment implies your more dominant?
I suppose we all don't get it?
I do, leave the poor bugger to enjoy himself and porn or no porn give him a dairy or leave him alone?.
Poor bugger must need his helping hand lol.

You can’t inflict your boundaries on other people
just because porn is your boundary doesn’t mean it’s his. You can choose if that’s ok with you or not but you can’t force a boundary on him.
sounds like he’s also dictating to you though
and he’s a liar…
this issue seems symptomatic of bigger issues really

He has a right to pleasure himself and how he chooses too.
Who shares every detail of their sexual pleasures or desires with a partner.
He's his own person.
Her ego is hurt but he's a possible narc.
Ummm ok.

Leave.him.

He I'd trying to paint you ad sexually immoral so that he can devalue you and treat you like shit (using porn and telling lies to you for a start).

He doesn't see you as a person. He sees you as an object for his use.

Any man telling you you aren't allowed to have a wank as he feel inadequate to.your.friggin.hand. is a fucking weirdo.

He hates women. Bet on it.

Run.

Just to clarify what others have said. A boundary is about YOU.
For example if my boundary is that I don't want my partner to smoke and he does, I don't tell him to stop. I have to decide whether to stay.

You should have broken up with him the first time he crossed your boundary then.

This isn't relevant as he promised her he wouldn't use porn.

If he had said 'ill use porn if I want' then fine. Op could have left him if that didn't work for her.

But making false promises and lying to your partner is not ok. The boundary he's broken is pretty universal. It's not about porn, it's about lying.

How exactly have you 'caught' him watching porn? Does he pull out his phone in bed next to you or is he discreet? I know you said it was a boundary for you, but it sounds like he's trying to be respectful. In my opinion, I don't think you can really dictate what a person does or doesn't watch when they are not with you. All blokes masturbate, anyone who says they don't is lying. It's not a reflection on you. But yes, the lying is frustrating & unnecessary.

There seems to be a weird dynamic between you. He tells you that he doesn't like porn, doesn't masturbate ( both of which he is lying about) and doesn't want you using toys on yourself. You think he is closed off about sex, he thinks you are too open. None of it sounds like much fun tbh, maybe it's time to call it quits.

I love how people replying are ignoring the subject at hand.

Sorry, but that is funny.

It's not what he was doing that's the issue here, it's the lying and crossing an agreed upon hard boundary.

Is he sorry? I doubt it if it's happened multiple times (the porn thing). He will not change that, ever. You're still in the reasonably early stages of a relationship when you'd expect him to be trying to impress you, so if he's already routinely disregarding your boundaries and lying to your face, it won't improve.

What he watches and where he touches himself is up to him.

This is so controlling.

You're ok to have a 'hard boundary' with porn for YOU!! This doesn't apply to him though. That's his business and he can also wank when he wants. The fact you ask him about it and he lies is possibly due to your attitude towards it. It's none of your business what he does when he's alone.

And?
🙄😂