I know... another OLD thread 🙄

[Wanttoeatbutwhat]

I know old threads are done to death so feel free to scroll on by but I want to vent.

What is it with old these days and literally no effort on the male part? Is it the same for men? Are women just as difficult to engage in conversation? I understand that messaging isn't for everyone but surely with old that's the nature of the beast to start off with? Do these men ever get any dates when they honestly show no signs of being able to hold a conversation? I'm so fed up with asking questions, trying to prompt them to ask me something, anything back only to be met with a big fat brick wall. No wonder these men are single! It takes effort, I get that but surely by your mid-50's you understand the nuance of a two-way conversation?!

As you were. Rant over 😫

I’m 50+ and I agree the level of communication is appalling.

It shouldn’t be that hard to get a back and forth conversation going but I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve asked a few simple questions and got one word answers. And if they actually bother to respond with a few words it’s usually something cheesy or sleazy.

I’ve actually got on my profile - please something more than hi or 👋 and yet almost all the messages I get are one of those. I just respond back with 👋 and see if I get a proper message back.

Do these men have well-written, interesting profiles?

Some do yes. I try not to be too judgemental on the bio part because if I were I literally would match with no-one. I try to give the benefit of the doubt and as long as they have something written then I will match/reply to them.

For example, I matched with one this morning. Started off with the usual how's your weekend going etc... Not the most exciting but its a start at least. I always reply with little hooks so there is the opportunity for comeback. Or I ask a question. So far this guy comes back quickly, answers my question then NOTHING. No question back. It's boring. I'm not conducting an interview and that's what it feels like... me firing questions at them. They answer. Then nothing.

I don't know what to say then. Before the days when photos were prevalent online I would chat with lots of women on various websites and would never dream of throwing back one word answers like this. I don't really know if it's the people themselves or the nature of the medium. Seems odd that someone capable of writing interestingly would be anything but in conversation.

Why did you match with him in the first place?

A recent example -

Matched with a guy whose profile included several photos in obvious holiday locations so I comment he’s a man who loves to travel and what was his last holiday

His reply - got back yesterday

Me - where did you go?

Him - Spain

Me - nice. Whereabouts?

Him - Denia

Me - how was weather?

Him - good

Ffs - why bother matching if that’s the extent of their communication

I see this complaint a hell of a lot from women and it is certainly baffling to me how any man can be stupid enough to think this is acceptable.

But I was also reading a thread on here a few months back when a woman had matched a second time with a man who, the first time around, had been totally monosyllabic...then she matched with him again! So maybe these guys just feel they don't have to make the effort if there's always a woman out there who will be impressed with whatever else they have to offer.

Because I didn't know he wouldn't make even the slightest effort to engage in conversation. His profile was short but OK so I had no indication that he wouldn't know how to "chat".

I had one last weekend who asked me out on a date after various messages... at the end of those messages I knew his job, his home situation, how many children he had, their ages, what he did in his spare time etc etc... I can categorically say he knew absolutely nothing about me. Not one thing. He hadn't asked me a single thing back. When I declined his offer of a date he actually said "but I thought we had lots in common" 🙄

So what about him made you match with him in the first place?

Just had another one - sent me a 👋 so I matched his effort and replied 👋

He replied hi and I sent same back

His next response - hi Sam

FFS 3 messages and that’s his level of chat

Well I'd hazard a guess, their profile had something interesting on it! But sadly you only find out their conversation skills once you start talking to someone!

OLD is like this yes. I just avoid wasting my time by immediately unmatching those who don't ask me any questions within about 3 messages.

You just have to be prepared to match, talk, unmatch over and over. It's relentless and dull at times.

BUT it can work. I've dated some interesting and lovely men from OLD. Just put your waders on and be prepared to trek through the sludge

It's funny how people are different. I never ask questions, as in actual questions with a question mark, as I find it really really super dull. Especially if you have a few chats going on, there's no way I'm going to spend any time answering something like 'what is your favourite type of music' or whatever with a stranger. Just so dull.
Mine would always be inane drivel, stuff that I and they would be laughing out loud at, from the beginning. Utter nonsense about penguins or biscuits or elephants etc. I like to work out first if we both find humour in the ridiculous, as that makes us compatible.

I do exactly the same. If someone messages me with "hi" or similar I respond back with the same. Invariably I then get a "how are you" type message to which I will reply with a reasonable response but more often than not they will respond "good". At that point I've lost interest and don't continue. I had one recently who asked me how my day was.... I replied saying it hadn't been great, tough day at work type thing, to which he replied "ah that's cool". Ffs. Surely the natural thing to say if you want any type of conversation is "what job do you do?" or at least something that's not "ah that's cool".

I don't remember the specifics but I never match or message with someone who has absolutely nothing written on their profile so there would have been something written that I liked about him. I'm guessing that some of these men have their profiles written for them judging by their subsequent conversation skills.

“I replied saying it hadn't been great, tough day at work type thing”

This response if you’re in a relationship, but surely not first initial chats! It’s a bit of a downer???

Nodding along here. The other day I initiated a chat & he responded with

'Sure'.

Me : Great. Are you doing anything exiting today? I'm going to the cinema later.

Him : Breakfast.

Me : Oh nice. What are you having?

Him : Out.

Me : Where are you going? I like going to (restaurant) but havn't been for a while.

Him : (Restaurant)

Me : Lovely.

Him : Yeah.

This started around 8am & his last message was around 9pm so I wasn't badgering him during his breakfast

I also feel like I'm interviewing them half the time & try not to make it all 'Answer my questions' but it's hard to know what to say if they aren't saying anything.

I also don't pay too much attention to the profile, as long as there is one common interest.

I once messaged one who had listed 'Reading' so after the initial hello messages, I said

'I see 'reading' on your profile. Have you read anything good recently? I read (book) the other day & really enjoyed it'.

Him : 'Nah'.

My age range is 40-50 & 95% of my matches are like this.

My DH would be like this if he did online dating!

He's just not a chatter via text/email, one word answers, but IRL he's very funny, chatty, etc. It's like a totally different person.

I wonder how the conversations would go if you were on the phone or just met in person?

ApplesOnWards I'm the opposite, I find it easier to message & am really shy face to face!

I do try to arrange meets quickly so as to avoid the awkward messages (for all of our sakes)

2/3 days I usually ask, if they havn't. But they need to give me something to go on in the messages or I'll just give up.

Perhaps, but I'm not very good at pretending. If someone asks me how my day has been and its been a bit rubbish I'm likely to say that rather than forced jollity! Probably a failing on my part for being too honest 😂. Either way I still think a response other than "ah that's cool" would have been more appropriate.

I personally don't like people I don't know, knowing too much about me, so would never do much beyond inane chit chat until we met. So, I don't really invest at this stage, maybe it's the same for men. In terms of amount of times they meet vs effort they put in, so I invariably come off OLD. Maybe the men should too until they are less jaded, rather than carrying on but making no effort.

Also, guys have 'Instagram' models messaging them for likes etc. But apparently they aren't upfront, so they don't know that initially and are having these lovely conversations with gorgeous women, which then turn out to have ulterior motives. So, for them to accurately assess must be harder.

@Duckschmuck yeh I've heard there are a lot of bots and people touting for business etc. Especially on Tinder. After my last miserable stint on Tinder, I have given up on OLD frankly.

So because 58 year old Dave from Romford is daft enough to think a glamorous scantily clad Instagram ‘model’ 30 years his junior is really interested in him that is a good reason to give monosyllabic responses to normal women men his own age? Maybe they need a reality check as to where their level really is rather than letting their ego run away with them

“The other day I initiated a chat”
I’m going to be bold and say this was a mistake.
If you want a guy to pursue a conversation with you then why not let him pursue it from the start? Otherwise, how do you know he conversed with you because he was captivated by your profile or was merely being polite?