I know... another OLD thread 🙄

[Wanttoeatbutwhat]

I know old threads are done to death so feel free to scroll on by but I want to vent.

What is it with old these days and literally no effort on the male part? Is it the same for men? Are women just as difficult to engage in conversation? I understand that messaging isn't for everyone but surely with old that's the nature of the beast to start off with? Do these men ever get any dates when they honestly show no signs of being able to hold a conversation? I'm so fed up with asking questions, trying to prompt them to ask me something, anything back only to be met with a big fat brick wall. No wonder these men are single! It takes effort, I get that but surely by your mid-50's you understand the nuance of a two-way conversation?!

As you were. Rant over 😫

Because on some apps (Bumble for example) the woman messages first after matching. You need to like each others profile before any messages can be exchanged, it’s not sending him a chat out of the blue.

I prefer that because it stops the unsolicited (usually sleazy) messages from men.

Because it's not the 1950s. And he would've had to match with her for her to be able to message him.

Maybe the guys who go on bumble choose bumble because they know the women have to do the initial legwork (so are a bit lazy/passive) and are arrogant enough to think they are going to be contacted by a number of women.

I used online dating platforms Bumble-Tinder extensively in my forties. Most women just waved hello as an introduction, but I managed to start a very brief conversation and arrange a date quickly, usually within 20 messages or less. I had a short bio with something witty in it. At any one time, I had up to a dozen active short conversations and was dating once or twice per week. These rotated every week with new matches. I didn't have time for endless "How was your day?" conversations via social media platforms. Even in a relationship, I don't have the time or motivation to stop working and message endlessly all day. I prefer calls. Now that I'm a bit older, even between long-time friends, arranging social activities is very short and to the point.

Years ago, people had phones and would set up a time to call the person they were dating. Now, with instant messaging, people assume the other person is available on demand. Personally, I am not, I even switch my mobile off to relax.

The men are the same wherever app you try. Even when they initiate the chat, they have very little to say.

Personally I’ve found Bumble has a slightly higher standard of men than most of the others but that’s just my personal experience.

I would block anyone who didn’t have anything interesting to say.
People need to remember they are selling themselves, just like in an interview.
Would they sit in an interview answering yes/no/maybe/I don’t know?
Or would they make an effort.
Wear their best clothes, smile, talk?
Why bother if you are not going to present the best side of you?
If you can’t put the hours in then don't sign up.
Would these men approach someone in a bar and just say hi, then nothing else?
So the woman says hi back, then what?

Most women just waved hello as an introduction

So do most men. And it’s obvious most of them haven’t read the profiles just looked at pictures.

If they wave I wave back - if they then start a chat then all good but most just then reply ‘hi’

Or the other end there are so many men in the 50+ age range who think ‘cracking tits love’ is a great way to start a conversation with a woman

@Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions

Absolutely 💯

First impression are priceless and putting in a bit of effort at start is the only way to go imo.

Just coincidences Yes I sent the first message because it was on Bumble but you only have to say 'Hi' (if that's all you want to say) & then they can respond (or not)

“Because it's not the 1950s”

Isn’t that what the whole thread is about? Women pursuing conversations and they are not enjoying it, it’s not working out well for them.
If it’s working, crack on

Aren’t there better dating apps than these?

Where I work I'm always amazed at the people who are unable to even pretend to be hard working and enthusiastic during the short trial period. They are either too stupid to play the game or just really have no interest in getting the job.

These men are doing you a favour. Either they're too stupid to put in a little conversational effort to get to the date or they're just not that into you. You're the only match they had that day and you're filling time.

Think you’re missing the point of the thread tbh

Its not about pursuing conversations, it’s an observation about how poor some men are at communicating

Sorry my point was that there is a difference in how men communicate when they are being polite as opposed to genuinely interested.

I’ve done some OLD in the past, and I agree with most of these comments.

The only certain way to get the slightest two-way conversation from (most) men on dating Apps, is to turn talk sexual, even mildly so.

For that reason alone, I would never use dating apps again. My experience has been woeful.

I go straight to a phone conversation pretty much straight away to see how it goes.

I spoke to a guy yesterday (first one in a few years) but found it a bit of a struggle. If someone can't have a flowing and interesting conversation for the duration of a phone call then I'm not interested in them.

But, yes, in general, most people probably don't have much about them and OLD doesn't necessarily bring out the best in people.

💯- if they turn the chat sexual suddenly they find their ability to use actual words!!

I actually found the paid for sites even worse than the free ones. I have found a few decent communicators but they’re about as rare as a rainbow unicorn.

or whatever with a stranger. Just so dull.
Mine would always be inane drivel, stuff that I and they would be laughing out loud at, from the beginning. Utter nonsense about penguins or biscuits or elephants etc. I like to work out first if we both find humour in the ridiculous, as that makes us compatible

This sounds pretty dull!

What on earth is dull about asking someone about themselves?.

@SamW98

Interestingly, my DD who is in her 20s, and has used Tinder/Hinge in the past, says some much younger men are just the same. She has met a few nice men, but she says a lot of them appear to be porn addicts.

It’s quite depressing really for young women.

We're only a few years away from realistic porn being available on VR headsets. Then it really is game over. What a world.

I find it dull. But this is the absolutely wonderful thing about OLD for me. I can instantly find out if someone is on my wavelength. Many are and I've had many lovely dates and relationships as a result. But many don't, and the instant I realise it, I just move on, and don't give it a second thought. I wouldn't give anyone near the number of chances people are generous enough to give here.

@Telemakus

I know, it’s grim beyond belief.

No wonder so many women are choosing to be single, when many men have the expectation that normal sex is too tame.

It's grim for men and women alike, just for different reasons.

All of my friends who are 50+ have decided being single far preferable to settling for the slim pickings that’s on offer out there.

Honestly so many men our age seem to think if you’re not willing to talk dirty after 3 messages or up for a shag on first date then you’re a frigid old hag - and believe me none of them are exactly Brad Pitt look alikes.

This isn’t unique to OLD either. Men in the wild seem just as bad.

Well that doesn't describe me or any of my friends. It feels like there are two worlds sitting side by side.