I know... another OLD thread 🙄

[Wanttoeatbutwhat]

I know old threads are done to death so feel free to scroll on by but I want to vent.

What is it with old these days and literally no effort on the male part? Is it the same for men? Are women just as difficult to engage in conversation? I understand that messaging isn't for everyone but surely with old that's the nature of the beast to start off with? Do these men ever get any dates when they honestly show no signs of being able to hold a conversation? I'm so fed up with asking questions, trying to prompt them to ask me something, anything back only to be met with a big fat brick wall. No wonder these men are single! It takes effort, I get that but surely by your mid-50's you understand the nuance of a two-way conversation?!

As you were. Rant over 😫

I totally get where you're coming from. Sometimes it can be tough to manage our expectations on dating apps. In my experience, most first dates tend to be pretty casual and low-key, just a chance to meet and chat. Some might last a few hours, but it's important to remember not to stress too much about it. Just take it easy and enjoy the experience!

@tiedinnotts OLD is 'Online dating'.

I was once chatting to a man & I was 4 years older than him. I said something about 'Doing this OLD thing' & he came back with 'Aww, you aren't that old'.

I can't bear the ones who don't seem to have any hobbies, interests or friends. Eg.. They've asked what I'm doing at the weekend.. I've given a brief run down like.... .

.."parkrun Saturday morning and cuppa with friend after. Gym Sunday morning then I'm going to recce a new running route in the afternoon.." "how about you?"

"Not much"

Tumbleweed follows...

If the matches don't have interests of their own it's a no no from me. I'm not going to be their only source of entertainment

I’ve had chats with men who do morning but sit indoors watching Sky Sports every night.

One said to me that he doesn’t have any friends because all his old mates are married so maybe he can go out with me and my mates ……………er no!!

Ugh, yes... the ones with no friends, hobbies, interests. Literally nothing to say or bring to the table. They are a huge no from me. I've tried giving the benefit of the doubt and dated one but he soon became clingy, needy and possessive. They don't need to be jumping out of planes as a hobby but they do need to have some interests and social lives of their own.

Why even bother with these men? The way I filter these sort of weirdos out is through their first message(s). It’s obvious by then that they either are the type to put in some effort or they’re not. I can usually tell by their profile too - lack of effort made with profile = lack of effort in real life. Just being lazy in their bio and saying stuff like “gym, football, work” or “just ask” or other similar lazy efforts just get ignored

About 20 years ago now I went onto one of the classic/original sites.
I was chatting to a couple of guys who were from my home town.

At around 11pm I get a very irritable message from one of the guys who had seen me still online and made derogatory, jealous comments about me obviously speaking to others alongside him & I "Wasn't the one for him"

I had 'known' his existence on the planet for roughly 2 hours.. 😱

I hate to break it to you, but they are like this in real life too. I'm a great listener apparently...but that's only because I'm the one asking all the questions to keep the conversation going. It's dire.

Also the men who have been on there years! I avoid them like the plague as they will be everyone else’s rejects or serial cheaters who have many women on the go

I had a rule I asked how are you? How is your weekend and just replied with an answer but showed no interest in mine. I left it and then binned them.

I started 30 swipes over about 4/5 months on bumble. 4 got to the point where it went to WA. Two were start stop answers and one was too keen and one as they say was just normal and nice. We talked on the phone twice and met up for a dog walk and he’s nice fun and caring. He’s a widower who after 3-4 years of healing has started dating. We have been straight from the off that friendship overrides everything. Without there is no basis. So far it seems lovely, no drama and he turns up when he says he will, phones when he says he will. He seems very respectful of other people and boundaries etc but even I accept this one might not work. But out of 30 swipes that’s one - 3%. It’s a numbers game. Have your own values.

littlebopeepp I think the point is that we don't bother. They don't get dates & we give up on them.

Sometimes the profiles great, they list a load of activities etc. I actually had one man say, when I asked how come he has these activities listed but doesn't seem to 'do' anything, that 'I just wrote some common stuff so that I didn't seem boring, but I don't actually do any of that stuff lol'.

I only swipe for a few men and only after I’ve read and reread their profilers to ensure we have things in common. And the vast majority end up time wasters despite initial first impressions.

Two of the ones I had with really well written profiles and great early communication turned out to be sleazy creeps.

I can count on my fingers the amount of actual dates I’ve had in over a year - 7 first dates only 1 lead to second. And after the second date he tried to tell me I should cancel my upcoming holiday ‘now we’re together’ - errrrrrrrr

Im actually chatting up a guy at mo and we are really communicating well so fingers crossed we can get something in to meet over the weekend.

Yes, I had one who thinks I'm a great company. Well, yes - I know all about his views on things like Brexit, his parents, and a load of other things. He couldn't tell you anything about me, apart from i don't currently have a job, because he barely stopped talking, except when he got to the end of a subject and gave a sort of smug, self-satisfied smirk to indicate that was the end of that subject.

I have no idea what I am doing wrong - normal guy, put quite a bit on profile, good pics etc.. but very limited interest, although have heard that men swipe right on pretty much anything so women have a lot of likes to get through?

What annoys me is that someone will like but (on Bumble they need to), not message? Or message and not give much away. I personally would look to meet the same week (diaries permitting).

One date yesterday - both talked for 2 hours non stop, really good and some shared stuff, but no real spark from me (and I don't think her).

Another one I hate is on the paid sites (match for example) where they say "I haven't paid so message me". What's the point you twat?? If you haven't paid then you can't read it - and what is the point of being on the site if you are not going to pay?! I realise this doesn't apply to the free sites but what it tells me is:
A) have copied their bio from another site
B) have no intention of meeting just want to browse women's profiles which is weird
C) are too tight to pay, at what, £20 a month?which is hardly bank breaking amounts of money and if it is how the hell are you going to afford to actually go on a proper date?

I’ve been in a date where he literally talked about himself non stop and every time I attempted to get a word in edgeways he interrupted to turn to conversation back to himself.

After one date I knew his entire life story and I doubt he even remembered my name.

I've had exactly the same. By the end of a 1 hour coffee meet I even knew the names of his parents-in-law and ALOT about their lives. It was bizarre that at the end he said he had really enjoyed meeting me and getting to know me. I swear he didn't know a single thing about me. Not one. I declined a 2nd date and told him very honestly why!

I was on OLD for about 3 years following my divorce, so here's my findings, after hundreds of matches/chats and tens of dates, where I did have fun or I learned and I'm glad I did it...

About 50% of my matches were complete losers frankly - all of the things covered in this thread - only after sex, so dull that they need someone else to entertain them, no ability to hold a conversation, superior, entitled, selfish. Or all of the above. Men who don't realise they're supposed to add value to the woman's life too. No thanks.

About 40% we're perfectly pleasant but we weren't compatible.

About 10% were awesome and I had 3 very very happy fun relationships. Short but that's fine with me, I'm busy.

During those 3 years I was simultaneously building a single life, exploring solo hobbies and holidays, enjoying my friendships I already have with women.

So, now I have a choice.

Do I want to spend 10 hours of my disposable time for one hour of enjoyment?

And my current answer is no. I would far rather spend that 9 hours indulging in the pleasures I already enjoy.

I might change my mind when my dc are older and I have more disposable time on my hands.

But for now, I join the ever increasing number of middle aged women who are simply happier single.

Oh god I have felt this pain! I met my now partner online and we've been together three years and now have a baby and a dog! But if I could go back I'd tell myself not to waste time with the shitty ones from the off! When I met my partner he was immediately lovely, engaging, reliable and easy to talk to, I told my friends after our first date that I'd met "the one" but prior to that I "chatted" to probably over 100 guys, met up with 5-10 and never liked any of them enough to go past the second date, most of them were time wasters but I would find myself trying to persevere because "what if". You should just treat it like a numbers game, sack off the crap ones straightaway and get closer to the right one. I will say my partner also hated his OLD experience before we met as he said the women were the same, but there are decent people on there both male and female, don't give up!

This really feels to me like a problem with OLD, which reveals that many men cannot be bothered to make the effort.

However, non of my long term, serious partners have ever been good at sustaining a conversation across text, however interesting they are in conversation 121 and/or in groups.

Some of my friends , both M and F, have the knack, and I enjoy the entertainment, but it has nothing to do with relationships in RL. If I used this knack to screen OLD I'd never find the people who have been right for me in RL.

At least it makes it easy to filter out the ones who don't engage/ can't make conversation.

12 years ago doing OLD I would get long essays of erotic stories sent to me without even saying a hello first 🙈 they genuinely thought I'd like it/didn't care if I did or didn't.

I think I'd prefer that to the wanking video I was once sent!

I had a phone chat with a man I’d been exchanging really nice messages with and he started wanking while we were talking 🤢 and no it wasn’t sexual chat it was normal conversation

I don't really get into much messaging these days especially on WhatsApp as so few make it beyond the "hey" opening message however if I do and I get sent anything unsolicited I will tell them that under the new Online Safety Act, which came into effect on 31st Jan, they have broken the law and their photo along with their phone number will be forwarded onto the police. Its a disgusting violation to be sent this type of message/video.