I know... another OLD thread 🙄

[Wanttoeatbutwhat]

I know old threads are done to death so feel free to scroll on by but I want to vent.

What is it with old these days and literally no effort on the male part? Is it the same for men? Are women just as difficult to engage in conversation? I understand that messaging isn't for everyone but surely with old that's the nature of the beast to start off with? Do these men ever get any dates when they honestly show no signs of being able to hold a conversation? I'm so fed up with asking questions, trying to prompt them to ask me something, anything back only to be met with a big fat brick wall. No wonder these men are single! It takes effort, I get that but surely by your mid-50's you understand the nuance of a two-way conversation?!

As you were. Rant over 😫

That would be okay if it were well-written, but mostly they have no idea of sentence structure, punctuation, paragraphs or spelling, and I can't see past that to tell whether it's actually any good as erotica...

@Dadjoke007 men can message now first in Bumble as well - spread the news to the men 😆

I can tell you

1. i want them to ask questions eg if I said I had taken the dogs for a walk that morning a reply saying ….
2. did the dogs like it - was it raining? Plus a questions about my profile eg I see you like history anything in particular ? I’m interested in Japan or something
3. Him to offer WA but say it’s ok if you want to keep talking on the app as well
4. not text too quickly or too slow - just right
5. offer to talk on the phone before meeting up
6. meet for Cup of tea or something / at least offer to pay and be a gentleman

So what is too quickly or too slowly? That will differ by person?

I think I have only ever spoken to one person on the phone prior to a date.

Exactly that type of conversation. Not all messaging has to be deep and meaningful but if I say something like, I'm off to watch my daughter play netball, then at least show some interest... how old is your daughter, where is she playing etc etc. Anything just to keep the conversation going. Invariably that type of message from me is usually met with "cool" or "nice". This is what I meant by no effort whatsoever being made. And people can say it's because they are not interested in you, which is fair enough, but don't bloody match then!!!

Anything just to keep the conversation going. Invariably that type of message from me is usually met with "cool" or "nice". This is what I meant by no effort whatsoever being made.

And then they'll complain you haven't told them anything about your life...

I agree any sort of opening message asking quite basic questions but giving an opening for the conversation to continue.

Im on Bumble and that has a conversation prompt which is a good way to start. But even then it can be like pulling teeth.

One guy recently had ‘ask me my funniest dating story’ so I did- his reply ‘she didn’t look like her photos’

So I ask ‘in what way?’

Him - just different

Me - want to hear mine?

Him - ok

Me - (anecdote about deadly date)

Him - lol

Do where to we go from there??? How can anyone reply lol?

All of these interactions have served their purpose by eliminating someone incompatible without the faff of having to meet up. You liked the look of him, but he turned out to be socially inadequate. Bank that and move on.

The whys and wherefores of incompatible men aren't worth anyone's time or energy, beyond the already established fact that they are incompatible.

My latest in complete non-starter conversations... I have the opening question thing on Bumble set to "what is the next thing you are looking forward to?".

Match with a guy. Within 2 mins of matching I get the reply

"Next weekend"

Me: Have you got something nice planned or is it just because its next weekend?"

Him: Because its the weekend lol

Me: So how do your weekends usually look? What sort of thing do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Him: Chilling

Me: (I share that I'm going to Wembley next weekend to watch the women's FA Cup final with my daughter)

Him: cool

At this point I unmatched. I really don't have the heart or energy anymore 😕

Next time op. Unmatch after second pointless response. So in this case 'bevause it's the weekend lol'

I would have unmatched as soon as he said “next weekend” 🤣

Actually, yes you're right @littlebopeepp234 . I was being too generous with saying second response.

His first response was not funny, witty, interesting, nor enquiring and left all the work to the op from the absolute outset. He is saying 'I don't care whether you like me or not, it's irrelevant, all that matters is what you bring to my table.'

I think in all my time on OLD I would never have sent any of the messages he sent. Not once.

I try to apply the following thought to men now...

'Stop thinking about whether he likes you or not, and start thinking about whether you like him.'