It’s my wife a lesbian, bin sexual or am I paranoid?

[Mikey123456]

Hi, my wife (36F) and I (37M) have been together nearly 20 years, married for 13 years. She started a new job around 6 years ago and quickly became very close to a work colleague (40F).

Our relationship has really struggled since this time and we have nearly separated many times due to her needlessly overworking most nights and her having very little interest in spending time with me in the evenings and weekends.

She has many close friends but this friendship just feels different. They’ve been away on many trips together just the 2 of them, Paris, London, Spain etc. they always stay in the same bed with they go away. (Apparently this is normal for 2 female friends?)

They have matching tattoos of every trip they go on together. In Paris they had photos taken of them together that looked romantic (gazing into each others eyes, arms around each other). For my wife’s birthday her friend sent her this photo in a heart shaped frame.

In Paris they put a love lock on the bridge with both their names on it and took photos. My wife joked when she came home that everyone thought they were a couple while they were away.

Whenever I am away, the friend sleeps over the house. I’ve questioned her about this a few times about all this and every time she is adamant that they are just friends and that I was being paranoid over nothing and gets very irritated by it.

We have 3 children together and her friend has 4 children with her husband of 15 years. Their marriage is not in a good place and apparently hasn’t been for many years. Apparently her and her husband are very rarely intimate.

Other reasons for my suspicions are that my wife has noticeably become more masculine in her actions and appearance over the last 5 years or so. She has many tattoos now and has almost a full sleeve on one arm. Her friend is also covered in tattoos and is quite masculine. (If l didn’t know she was married I would assume she was a lesbian by looking at her and her mannerisms)

Last night after we had sex we talked casually about porn and she mentioned lesbian porn and how men are turned on by it. I said I actually wasn’t turned on by it. She then said ‘me neither I would never watch it’ then went on saying how gross she found the idea of being with another woman was and kept talking about it for a few minutes. I found it strange, like she was trying too hard to convince me or herself. Like she was protesting too much. Ive known this woman for 20 years and can usually term when she is lying.

My gut has been telling me for a few years that she has more than plutonic feelings for this woman but I have no way of knowing for sure.

Just looking for opinions on whether I am just being paranoid or whether I am right to have my suspicions?

Than for reading

Hey, wow your side of the story would suggest yes there is something else going on.

However, I'm confused as to why you haven't asked her?

Bin sexual - is that when you do it every two weeks?

It’s clearly an emotional affair even if they are not having sex on their romantic city breaks. I would be very uncomfortable with this. It also isn’t normal to share a bed on a girls holiday away.

Post of the month 👏 😃

OP, your wife is in a relationship with this woman. What does she say when you bring it up?

Even without a label on the relationship it would be considered a very intense friendship by most people!
Either way it is affecting your marriage so unless your wife is prepared to take your feelings into consideration your marriage isn't going anywhere.

Fucking brilliant!!

This age and (M) / (F) shite is driving me nuts on here now.

<misses point of thread>

I have read this before?

I would say something is going on. Do you feel that you can bring it up?

Have you posted before?

I salute you !!!! 😂

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

In relation to sharing a bed, when I go on a girls trip we often share a bed as it's cheaper when booking rooms. Purely platonic. My 1 friend by nature is very much a hugger and would think nothing of leaning her head on my shoulder whilst at the cinema for example or linking arms whilst on a walk. There is not 1 ounce of this being sexual or anything more than her feeling comfortable and it's how she shows her affection.

Op i think you may need to have an open conversation with your wife expressing your concerns, you will drive yourself mad otherwise.

Do you mind that she has this level of closeness and emotional intimacy with someone else? Or would you be OK with it if you could be sure it wasn’t sexual? What is your relationship like generally? Are you happy together or not? That’s what matters more than trying to categorise your wife in your own mind.

Thanks for the reply’s. I have brought this up to her on a few occasions and her first reaction is anger and then tells I’m paranoid. Which makes me wonder if I am being crazy or if she is just gaslighting. I just have a very strong gut feeling about this I don’t know what to do

Obviously I meant bi sexual 🙄

I always share a bed with friends on holiday, it’s much cheaper

I think this is all a bit of red herring, you’ve admitted your relationship isn’t in a good place, can you try working on that rather than start accusing her of things?

I never share a bed with friends.

It isn’t “much cheaper”

It is the exact same price for a room with two queen beds as it is for a room with a king bed.

I’ve definitely read this exact thread on here before, word for word.

It was a couple of years ago now

Yes I have been trying for a long time and things are generally improving but I just have this nagging feeling that she is also in love with this woman. It’s frustrating because it’s so hard to explain all the reasons why I’m thinking this way in just a few posts

Yes we know. No-one’s getting at you. It’s just typos and clever responses can be really funny

What’s with the cynicism? I’ve never used this forum before

Thanks for the helpful replies anyway. I’ll try another forum with some male and female perspectives I think 😂

Hmm.
sharing a bed when going away does have money on 2 rooms… but they can ask for rooms with twin beds.
At the very least she is probably having an emotional affair and I’d say it could easily be sexual and she is hiding in plain sight. With 7 kids between them they are not going to want to divorce if they can help it.
if the friend stays over when you are away presumably the kids at home so that would be quite high risk.
I doubt she will tell you the truth as she has a lot to lose so I think you are going to have to start snooping to see what you can find.

You do realize "lesbian porn" isn't intended for lesbians? It's a made-up category catering to straight men. As to tattoos, I personally shudder at the idea of them but to argue they are a sign of lesbianism is beyond sexist.