Solo life - no family

[Ginghamsheep]

If you were facing life all alone, what would you do?

I have no siblings, not in contact with cousins. I can't have children.

I feel extremely scared for the future. Once my parents have gone I will be completely on my own.

If you were in this position, could you make yourself happy? Or is it game over for me?

Thanks for any support or advice.

Are you interested in having a partner OP?

I think you can 100% live a fulfilling and happy life alone - fill your life with things you love, pets, hobbies, work, travel, religion etc - anything you like!

Thank you. I am searching for a partner, but obviously it isn't guaranteed to happen. Some people just never meet anyone and I worry that will be me.

How old are you OP?

Sorry you are feeling this way! Personally I would be actively trying to find a partner, but that's just me, you might be happy without one! I would try and do some hobbies and volunteering too, try and make a wide range of friends and acquaintances. If I really wanted children but couldn't carry a child, I'd look into adoption/ fostering

I can understand why this is scary. In this situation I would want to make sure I felt part of my local community. I would also maybe capitalise on the good parts of alone time (reading, cinema, travel where I chose, pursuing hobbies etc). Humans evolved to be part of a community but we can get that in ways that are not always the traditional ways.

Make sure you do things that bring you pleasure.
Book a holiday. Decorate your house how you want it. Join clubs and groups. Get chatting to people you meet, it can lead to friendships. Join online dating sites.
Spend you’d money on things for yourself.

I lived like this for a long time.

Also, I have Asperger’s what doesn’t help with making social connections :)

I’ve met someone and we’re happy, so it’s possible. But my life before that wasn’t bad.

I do get the feeling of being scared though. Keep yourself busy would be my advice :)

In a sense, we’re all born and die alone.

I'd focus on making lots of friends, getting a job I loved and finding a partner.

Thank you for the responses. I am 38. I don't think I would be approved to adopt / foster a child, as I have no support network. And I wouldn't try to have a child on my own (via sperm donation etc) as again I have no support network and the child might be left alone if I die.

I'm very close to this situation. I live alone, one severely disabled dc who now lives away from home, both parents are dead, I have a sister who lives in another county, some friends but don't see them often.

I am an introvert and don't really need a lot of company but I really benefit from my animals. Could you maybe get cats or even a dog? Other than that, having a purpose makes a huge difference to life. Could you get involved in volunteering or in another cause you care about? If you're religious or spiritual, that gives life meaning on another level too. Do some courses, join hobby groups, you'll meet people. I wouldn't be too desperate to find a partner because you could attract the wrong kind of people. Concentrate on focusing on feeling fulfilled in your life as it is first and then you'll be ready to share it with the right guy.

@existentialpain sorry to hear you are facing challenging circumstances too. Thank you for the suggestions.

I do think I need to find some meaning in life. All I currently see ahead of me is lots of lonely years until I die.

@Ginghamsheep

No it doesn't have to be game over but you do need to put some effort into building your own 'family'
To me family is more than blood relatives.
I am very single, I do have brothers who have their own families. However one lives in Australia so we are not part of each others lives. I am not close to the other so we see each other once or twice a year. I think when my mother dies we will see very little of each other.
I do have a son and whilst we are close, I want him to be free to build his own life.
What I do have is a group of very close friends - they are my family, probably more so than my brothers.
I am also quite involved in my local community - and plan to be more so, there will be more friendships there.
I'm also quite happy in my own company though. I'm more than happy to go to the cinema, theatre etc on my own. I usually end up talking to someone. I've also joined group holidays on my own and made a couple of good friends that way.
I have my moments, its not always easy, it takes effort. I look forward to my son coming home from uni and making me a cup of tea.

But mostly I am quite content with my lot.
And I will always have a cat!

@Ginghamsheep

What is stopping you from building that support network.
I'm an adoptive mum. My network was small but solid. Now I'm part of a huge community - on line and in person.
I am part of a group of single adopters who all adopted around the same time. We have meet ups, go on holiday together. Some of us are now grandparents and that just adds to the 'family'
You are young in adoption terms. I was 47 when I adopted.
But it isn't for everyone and needs a lot of thought and commitment

@Ted27 I just kind of assumed from what I have read about adoption that if you don't have wider family, you'd be turned down? Might have got the wrong impression though. To be honest though, I don't think adoption is for me. I understand that many children come from challenging backgrounds and need a level of support which I am not sure I could provide. Thank you for the suggestion though.

I'd look for a partner some people find partners and their family becomes family but I would but putting all efforts into finding a partner. I wouldn't adopt or foster I don't think that would be a good idea without a support network and I do think that would go against you anyway. I'm not in this situation as I have children but I have no family friends or partner so if I didn't have children I would try to find a partner and become part of their family I know people who are so close to their in-laws they see them as their own family.

Have you looked at meetup.com to see what interest groups are in your area? There might be a reading group, yoga or walking or something like that depending on where your interests lie.

I understand that it's not always easy to find meaning in life. I've been through some bad times to put it mildly but I've reached a point of feeling quite content with where I'm at. For me it's appreciating the small things like walking my dog and enjoying the seasons, reading a good book, emailing people. But it's easy for me to say because I don't need a lot of company to feel happy. Some people are naturally more sociable and if you're one of them then it's going to feel very difficult not having people around you. I think a starting point is to join some groups or study some courses or find ways to meet people. There might be Facebook groups as well that grab your interest. I found one friend by asking on a local page if there were any people that shared my particular interests.

Hang in there. There are so many lonely people in the world and it's just finding who the ones who you click with.

I agree with this. I mean if you met a man who was divorced and had children, you'd be a step mum and even a step grandma at some point perhaps!

Do you like pets? If so, what about fostering dogs or cats? No long term commitment and support from the rescue who would be very grateful.

Where do you live OP? By that I mean city, town or village?

In your circumstances I would seek out a large village with lots going on, join lots of things like am dram society, choir, sports clubs etc and make a bunch of friends for life.

A partner is not necessarily the answer!! The wrong partner can make you very unhappy as many on here will testify.

If you can reach out to the world,
it’s best to come to terms with flying solo.

There is a lot of life just waiting for you out there but you must go to the world for the world will not come to you.

Try a solo holiday. In the past I’ve tried walking hols and they’ve been great for making friends. I’ve travelled abroad too and I know from Facebook groups that many women go on amazing holidays abroad or in camper vans, arranging meet-ups, without a man in sight.
You go girl. The world’s your oyster.

I'm in the same position only I don't want kids (at least, natural kids) tbf.

I do worry I'll be on my own. But perhaps we'll both make loads of friends, get married (maybe he will have kids too so, instant family lol). Maybe we'll travel the world on many adventures. Also, I largely like my own company anyway.

So I think much of it is mindset.
I don't understand the 'is there hope' mindset. Life is just a fun game you know. We all lose in the end. But hopefully the journey is fun. And we don't all need to take the same journey.

Are you at peace with not having children or not really?

You are still relatively young - you do have plenty of time to meet someone, and to build a support network. I would throw yourself into some group hobbies where you will meet people and where you actually get to chat with them - both friends and maybe romantically - and on building your network. There are an awful lot of people in their late 30s and early 40s in the same boat - this represents about half of my close friendship group. Concentrate on living a happy and fulfilled life, not on worrying about what the very pessimistic life that you have imagined for yourself will be like.

Thank you for the suggestions. I currently live in a village, but it isn't a particularly pleasant place or somewhere which has a great sense of community. I could move somewhere nicer though.

I have considered getting a dog when I am older, but I am out of the house at work a lot at this stage in my life, so it would be alone a lot of the time.

I am so sad my life has turned out like this. I long for a family. I don't necessarily mean kids of my own though. I just want some people to go through life with.

@Catopia I don't think I am entirely at peace with not having children. I have some regrets that I didn't throw myself into finding a partner when I was younger as that obviously may have led to a family. I was very unsure of myself back then though. I didn't have much confidence, and I guess I still don't. I think it's possible I am asexual too.

You're only 38. Don't write your life off! So much could happen yet. Be open to what comes and make the most of what you have. I love the peace of living alone. I appreciate it's not for everyone and I have my lonely moments but I really love it most of the time. Are there aspects of your current life that you can feel good about? It's all about cultivating a good mindset that can help you look forward to the future.