Solo life - no family

[Ginghamsheep]

If you were facing life all alone, what would you do?

I have no siblings, not in contact with cousins. I can't have children.

I feel extremely scared for the future. Once my parents have gone I will be completely on my own.

If you were in this position, could you make yourself happy? Or is it game over for me?

Thanks for any support or advice.

You don’t understand what the word disingenuous means 🙄 . Look it up.

I said if you have a great family that’s a blessing, but many do not, there is no guarantee, and that’s the reality as I see it around me.

If you disagree with that fine, it’s a free board, but don’t start throwing around unpleasant words you don’t understand eh.

It’s just rude for rudeness sake.

Vast majority of people have family they like or at least rely on to some extent. Unless they are actually abusive, I'd rather have a slightly difficult family than none at all.

They are desperate for foster mums you would be snapped up assuming you have the right qualities

I did not have friends from ethnic back grounds nor did I have much of a support network and I was accepted as a foster mum

Same for adoption you may need to build up a network but to start will they would not reject you outright

You are a tad negative ???

@pimplebum I don't think I am negative. I just think it's important to carefully consider what I could offer a child, and certainly at the moment I think I would have important things missing.

In my view you're doing absolutely the right thing by thinking carefully whether fostering is right for you. It isn't for everyone.

I could have had more bio children on several occasions but I chose not to under the circumstances because I couldn't take the risk of another disabled child. I knew that if I had one I would not be able to cope. I'm at peace with my decision.

Plus being a single mum is actually a really lonely experience. I know this from personal experience. It can be incredibly isolating with no guarantee of a easy child or even having family around you for life.

As hard as it is I think making the most of your life as it is now is key. There's no reason why things can't change but it's having the right mindset to make good decisions.

Don't assume children would automatically bring you contentment. I'm being really honest here.. mine are now adults with their own lives and on a day to day basis I would say I find my pets more fulfilling! To go it alone with kids at 38.. you'd be pushing 60 before they were independent.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

I agree with a pp that being a single mum could be lonely for you. If anything I'd imagine it would actually stop you socialising and travelling freely and make you feel more isolated.

Would you be interested in getting a pet?

I don't think you are being negative OP. Being a single mum completely stopped any social life I had and not something I would recommend to someone without any family for support, would imagine you would need even more support fostering or adopting as that will be challenging enough and being a single mum is hard enough. You sound sensible to me. I lost a lot of friends when I became a single mum as it completely stopped any social life for me as I can't go out without them having no family or ex that will look after them really impacts on your social life.

Thank you for the new posts. Yes, I would consider getting a pet, but maybe when I am older and at home more and not at work.

I definitely agree that children would not necessarily solve my problem or make me less lonely and it wouldn't be their job to do that anyway.

I really sympathise. I used to have a family.all gone.holidays are hardest as all friends off with family. It’s shit

I am so sorry to hear this.

I do actually have a friend who has no family either so we sometimes spend time together. Maybe you can try to find people who are in a similar position?

There have been plenty of threads on here about holidays when you've no one to go with - don't let it stop you from seeing the world!

Just wanted to jump back on to say thank you again for the advice. I have been to a meet up event this week related to a hobby. Some nice people there. Might be able to make some friends if I keep going.

Still feeling very apprehensive about my future though. Wish I wasn't so alone.

You might be apprehensive, but you are doing things- that's more likely to being change than staying home alone.

Well done. It is a start

Thank you both. Still hate the situation I find myself in though. Feel trapped living a life I don't want.

It's great you've been to a meet up.

A few years ago I started going to things and now it's created momentum so pottering around a lot.

Please get more things in the diary!

That seems like a really positive step op...good for you

I'm 40 and the same
My dad is still here but I worry for when he isn't. Friends drifted because they all had children and now only socialise with people with children

I've joined a netball team which I'm really enjoying and met some nice people through that. Loads of online friends, some I have known for years and could say "I need £1000 help" and they wouldn't blink

My last relationship turned out to be a total lie and I've been put off dating again. Always wanted children, never met the right person, can't afford them by myself and now have stage 4 endo

Oh and I have a cat who is awesome. Also wild swimming is very social, I'm going back to that soon. Even if it's your first time, I found everyone really chatty and there was cake which is always a bonus

@Comedycook Thank you.

@buffyslayer Sorry to hear you are in the same position, but glad to hear you are making the best of it. Would you say you feel at least relatively happy in your life, despite the challenges?

Thank you also @GinBooksChocs May I ask if you are in a similar situation to me?

I have a late teen dd OP but she is at boarding school (her choice and if I live frugally I can just do it). Other than that I have no family - both parents dead, no siblings or cousins etc.

It's a very quiet life but I can recommend dogs - they keep me sane and allow me to shower them with love and get outside every day.