Solo life - no family

[Ginghamsheep]

If you were facing life all alone, what would you do?

I have no siblings, not in contact with cousins. I can't have children.

I feel extremely scared for the future. Once my parents have gone I will be completely on my own.

If you were in this position, could you make yourself happy? Or is it game over for me?

Thanks for any support or advice.

My situation is similar. I do have a brother who get on fairly well with and my folks are ok.

I don't have close extended family or a whole load of friends although I'm building up lots of aquiantaces. I'm very aware that I have a think line if I have a life issue.

I really,really struggled during lockdown and it was the push to improve my life (i acknowledge was luckier than most during it but my god,the isolation was horrific so please don't pile on me).

I worked on my mindset and positivity a couple of years ago and it's really helped. Lots of reading! I'm changing jobs just now and moved to larger city for the buzz and things to do.

I think sometimes you have to decide what you want in life and go for it. May sound daft but a mood board helps me focus. It's taken a while to build momentum but I seem to be building the life I want now.

I hope some of the above may help.

As an aside - you only have to watch the Ep1 of the Ashley Maddison thing on Netflix to see why so many of us don't get married. You are not alone there!

Yes - I'm happy with my own company

Glad to hear that. So am I really. I just worry about what would happen if I had a crisis - like a serious illness. And also what will happen to me when I am very old.

What kind of art would you like to make? I would persue that personally in your situation.
There are so many women in very lonely relationships with little by way of shared interests. I would travel either solo or with a friend.

I think I’d try and find a commune of like minded women!
Either all living in our own houses but ‘together’
Or a proper collective commune.

(I don’t know how practical this would be - but in my head it would be a fulfilling way to deal with this issue Op)

@Pacificisolated I would like to create landscape paintings, especially of coastal scenes. I am also interested in crafts - would love to take up pottery.

@BearFacedCheek Yes, that would be great!

I am in my 40’s and in a similar situation, once my parents aren’t around I will be alone, no partner, no kids, no friends. I don’t go on holiday and find it hard to motivate myself to go for days out and mostly don’t bother and stay home. Like you I dreamed of finding my soul mate, having a family and a home, but it hasn’t turned out that way which makes me sad. I hope you do find someone.

@Hazelnutwhirl Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. Hope things turn around for you too.

@GinBooksChocs Just noticed you said you did lots of reading to change your mindset. Would you mind sharing the titles of any useful books you read please? Thank you.

Habit by Charles Dhugg,

The book you wish your parents had read/the book you wish your friends and everyone who loves you would read, both by Phillipa Perry.

School of Life has some good books out just now and one is 'how ready are you for love'.

Dawn breslin had a good book which name escapes me.

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. I couldn't get this at first as felt it was fake but essentially he's saying to take an interest in folk

Medium has some good bloggers.

I say this gently as I've had yow ork very hard on it but to an extent, we decide our day with our mindset. If it's 'ill never meet anyone ' then you you create that reality because it would be very difficult for a potential love match yo get over that, get to know you and then couple up.

However, I'd you wake and tackle your day with 'im interesting, have a lot to offer, I'm attractive ' then you might see the world very differently. And people will see you differently.

People will more likely want to be around someone who is positive and optimistic, even if there's an amount of faking to start with.

Hope all this helps.

Ps haven't met anyone but I feel much better about myself and my life is better.@

Lastly, diary of a CEO podcast has some fantastic psychologists and therapists in.not just about business. Really really recommend that.

@GinBooksChocs Thank you very much for sharing all those book titles. I will be checking them out.

I'm feeling really down today. I'm doing very poorly at work at the moment (partly because my depression about being all alone impacts my performance). I got a promotion last year, but ended up losing it. My replacement is chirping away making a brilliant job of everything by the sounds of it, whilst I sit holding back tears in the corner of the office.

Life is so cruel and harsh. I feel like I just have nothing to offer anyone.

I would start looking for a different job if that was me.
It would help motivate you by giving something new to learn and focus on.

Glad you'll be checking the books out!

You have tonnes to offer!

Might be worth checking in with your GP or a charity like Mind. Perhaps they can help with how you are feeling.

If you had a partner you may end up being a carer for them anyway or widowed. Bit bleak to think that way maybe,, but don't assume that partnering up or having children will make old age any easier. Many children/siblings move away anyway.

Best thing you can do is have enough money to pay for stuff and help to make your life easier as you do age and put things in place before you decline. E.g. when the time comes move to a bungalow in a town with good facilities, transport access, GP, community centre etc.

Well if you stay home all the time no wonder you haven't found a partner.

That’s not the case, I work, volunteer, go to classes and hobbies and in the past I have tried tennis, salsa dancing, meet up, online dating, gone on courses, been out clubbing, been to balls and gotten involved with the community. But if you think I haven’t done anything then maybe you would like to make some suggestions.

you know nothing about me so don’t think you can make a judge on my life!

@GinBooksChocs - Hi, very interesting. I struggled a lot during lockdown and it changed me too. Can you please elaborate more on how you changed your mindset and become more positive please. Which kind of change does this new way of thinking bring you? Thank you.

I was commenting on your original post which literally states you don't leave the house. But your reply is a lot more revealing.

I kinda fell between bubbles and spent a lot of time on my own which wasn't healthy although I'm grateful work was stable.

It's hard to describe but pushed me to look at myself and focus on what I gave out to the world.

I think if you have a chat with a therapist/counsellor perhaps then they will be able to help more than any of us can here.

@GinBooksChocs Would you mind sharing how you found a good therapist / counsellor please? I don't really know what skills / who to look for to help with my situation. Thank you.

I would look in your local area and check reviews, I'd also see if a charity such as mind can help. Make sure any counsellor has appropriate quals, I think it's BACP for qualified people.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Then you should have read it better and not jump to conclusions, I said I found it hard to motivate myself to go out and mostly don’t, but I do still have hobbies and work, they just aren’t lucrative for meeting people. I just seems harder to meet and make friends the older you get, most of my friends have families of their own so are really busy.

Hello again, OP here. I have been giving my situation further deep thought and I think perhaps what I need to do is find 2 or 3 other women who are in the same situation and try to develop close friendships so that we can face life's challenges together. Not sure how realistic this is, but it is my best plan at the moment. I want to find peace with my situation and to be able to live my life with less anxiety. Maybe it would help the people I connect with too, and would give me / us a sense of security, purpose and belonging. That's what I really need.

Hello Gingham. I am open to friendship, in fact one of my closest friends has just sadly passed away. I am your age. Where do you live roughly? Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat :)