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Original poster

Blindsided by breakup

54 replies

Eleanoroliphantisnotfine · 23/04/2024 11:35

My boyfriend of just over a year has messaged me this morning saying he wants a break to figure out what he wants.

I didn’t see this coming at all and feel completely blindsided and heartbroken. And the fact that he did it over a message too.

I haven’t replied to him as I don’t know what to say. To my mind a break is a break up.

I know I will get over this, we’ve only been together a year but I just feel devastated at the moment.

Do I reply or just leave it and try to move on?

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 23/04/2024 11:47

I wouldn't even give him the dignity of a reply.

Hold your head up, block his number and know you are worth far more.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 23/04/2024 11:50

Text back the word ‚Fine‘

then block him. Breathe deeply and concentrate on getting through the next few weeks. I’m sorry you are going through this but just be glad he is showing his flakiness now and not in 5 years (yes before anyone says it, of course he can break up with her, with or without a reason, but using the figuring out what I want line is classic flakiness).

samestyle · 23/04/2024 12:10

I wouldn't message, if he comes back after a break, as hard as it is, still ignore, don't let him think he can use you like a doormat.

jenny38 · 23/04/2024 12:14

I'm not sure if I would reply to this.
It's so rude to do it via text. Is it what's app? So he knows you have read it? If a text thrn I would probably leave it, let him wonder.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 23/04/2024 12:14

The fact he text it!!!
I think I’d also block and delete as hard as that is, then if he really wants to make em effort he knows where you live!

SiobhanSharpe · 23/04/2024 12:21

There is an excellent thread on here from a year or so ago where a poster was asking for advice after receiving a break-up text from her BF in the middle of the night.
The overwhelming response was to not reply, disengage and just leave him to it.
Miraculously the poster did exactly this and occupied herself with her running hobby and other things. It worked out very well for her (and it's well worth a read.)

SiobhanSharpe · 23/04/2024 12:25

To add -- that's not to say it wasn't difficult for her, it was. But she recovered so well it was terrific to read about.
The slience from her really got to the exBF, he couldn't understand whyshe wasn't upset/grovelling about it.

BlancheSaysYes · 23/04/2024 12:28

Ignore the message and block him. He doesn’t deserve anything more. Be kind to yourself.

StrawberryWater · 23/04/2024 12:28

Ignore and block. He just wants you to grovel and beg. Don't lower yourself.

Elephantswillnever · 23/04/2024 12:31

SiobhanSharpe · 23/04/2024 12:25

To add -- that's not to say it wasn't difficult for her, it was. But she recovered so well it was terrific to read about.
The slience from her really got to the exBF, he couldn't understand whyshe wasn't upset/grovelling about it.

I remember that thread, she was really dignified and seemed to have really found a sense of self/ inner resilience by the end

Original poster
Eleanoroliphantisnotfine · 23/04/2024 12:35

Thanks, I think I am minded not to reply. I don’t know what he’s expecting me to say.

He has some stuff at mine but I guess that’s his problem to figure out (luckily I don’t have anything at his).

Even if he came back after his “break” there’s no way I could trust him not to do this again.

I’ll have a look for that other thread as that sounds like something I need to read right now.

OP posts:
Howbizarre22 · 23/04/2024 12:36

How can someone do that by text after a 1 year relationship? What a cunt. Do not reply, simply block the bastard.

Pinkbonbon · 23/04/2024 15:11

He's done you a favor.
A person who text dumps a year into a frigging relationship is a coward scumball.

Don't even reply.
Post his stuff back to him recorded delivery.
No contact whatsoever. Especially seen as he seems to think this is a fucking pause and you'll actually take him back! What a self involved bellend he is!

Probably hopes you'll chase him.

No contact!

RedToothBrush · 23/04/2024 15:16

StrawberryWater · 23/04/2024 12:28

Ignore and block. He just wants you to grovel and beg. Don't lower yourself.

This

He wants you to do the begging dance to boost his ego.

Myopicglass · 23/04/2024 15:20

Ignore him. No response at all.

Post here instead if you are tempted to respond!

Original poster
Eleanoroliphantisnotfine · 23/04/2024 15:27

I found the other thread a couple of you have mentioned; https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

There’s a part 2 also.

The OP on that thread is amazing. I hope I can be like her.

Feel like shit at the moment though.

OP posts:
SquirrelMeze · 23/04/2024 15:39

I was blindsided nearly two years ago. I'm still not over it. But I'm a solid 75 percent better and I didn't think I would be.

Original poster
Eleanoroliphantisnotfine · 23/04/2024 15:52

SquirrelMeze · 23/04/2024 15:39

I was blindsided nearly two years ago. I'm still not over it. But I'm a solid 75 percent better and I didn't think I would be.

I’m sorry to hear this and hope you get back to 100% soon. It’s bad enough when a relationship ends but to not see it coming is horrendous.

OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 23/04/2024 16:10

I'd respond with a simple 'ok' and tell him to pick up his stuff asap!

Original poster
Eleanoroliphantisnotfine · 23/04/2024 20:05

Ofcourseshecan · 23/04/2024 16:18

The second thread is here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2

Well worth a read. The OP is inspiring, and it has a happy ending 😀

Thank you, so happy that the OP got her happy ending.

I’m very tempted to follow her lead and take up running! At least the endorphins should help me feel better in the meantime.

OP posts:
Greywitch2 · 23/04/2024 20:07

Yes, I just wouldn't reply.

It's so shitty to text someone - rather than having the decency to have an actual conversation with them about it. Particularly if it's out of the blue.

beenwhereyouare · 23/04/2024 23:13

"To my mind a break is a break up."

I think your words say it all, really.

If it was me, maybe this?

*Dear Knob, (or whatever his name is)

Just so you know, to my mind a break is a break up.

Best Wishes.*

Or if you are really snarky,
end it with "Best wishes and enjoy your break."

But I'm vindictive like that and would want to take back my power. He wants a break to think? Do his thinking for him and make the decision for him. YOU be the one to break up!

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 23:18

When a man says he wants to ,"take a break to figure out what he wants", what he actually means is "I want to take a break to figure out if this woman I want to shag wants to shag me too, and a break allows me to do it guilt free".

Don't even dignify his cowardice with a response. Block and move on, he's not worth the time or headspace.

Rockiepride · 23/04/2024 23:21

Absolutely do not respond. Excited to watch you slay this OP! Do not give him the satisfaction of thinking you’re upset over someone who can dump you via text!!! My ex fiancé of 10 years called off our wedding, but I only found out as my caterers emailed me to say they were sorry to hear that we had split…this was the first I’d heard about it! He got full deletion. New phone number, new house, new life. It’s hard, but it can be done. You’ll feel amazingly strong and will get over it quicker by removing him entirely from your life. Good luck OP, rooting for you!!