I hate lies. I know everyone lies, but my strong opinion is there should be no lies in a relationship except for maybe white lies to protect each other's feelings.
This Sunday our house was a big mess. I said to DH we should take the kids out for a big walk to spend time as a family and he said we should go, and he would stay home and clean/tidy. We find it really difficult to get much cleaning/tidying done with the kids as they just cause a constant mess, so I thought it was a good idea which would save time during the week.
So I took them shopping with me in the morning for 1.5 hours. Not much done when we got back, just a few dishes done and few things tidied away from the dining area. Fair enough, DH was probably waiting for our big walk.
After lunch, I took them out for nearly 4 hours. When we got home, the dishes had been done, dishwasher emptied, toys and random things had been put away and apparently some clothes in the kids' bedroom were put away. No hoovering, cleaning of surfaces, floors or any of the baby's bibs had been done. Upstairs/bathrooms/corridors were untouched. DH didn't even need to make dinner as we eating leftovers, which I prepared for everyone when we got home.
So I asked him "You didn't really do much tidying/cleaning today, did you?"
He immediately got defensive and said he'd done it all the time we were gone. I asked a few more times, he'd had 5.5 hrs so how could it be? He got annoyed with me and said he'd watched only 20 minutes of football and been tidying non stop for the rest of the time and that it takes much longer than I think. Now I started thinking am I crazy, that would surely take me no more than 1 hr, maybe 1.5 if I was going on my phone every 5 minutes. I told him I hate lying, and he insisted he wasn't lying. I again started wondering if my memory is awful or something, until he admitted that he had lied and had had a rest in bed while we were gone.
Now I'm awake after breastfeeding the baby wondering what else and how often he lies to me. He only seems to admit to lying when I really press about something - eg. If food has disappeared and I ask if he's eaten it, a few times he admitted to lying about it.
He says I'm completely overreacting and that this was an inconsequential lie. But my problem is that lies like this make me inwardly question my reasoning.
Trust is also very important to me, and I'm quite black and white about stuff like this. I'm not really capable of lying like this at all... I just can't do it, and I feel now how can I trust someone who can lie to me with a straight face like that?
Sorry for rambling. Do I need to accept inconsequential lies are normal and okay in a relationship? Or am I right that lying as in the above example is quite problematic and it's not overreacting to feel you can't trust your partner?