Pregnant after first time having sex with new partner

[quirkyfig]

I am pregnant for the first time in somewhat less than ideal circumstances. I am 41 and met a man from online dating a few months ago. I did a Clearblue test and it was showing as 3+ weeks. I also used a due date calculator based on when my LMP was and I'm 7 weeks pregnant according to that. We had sex for the first time in late February and I'm pretty sure that was when I conceived. The dates match up perfectly. There are a few things I want to clarify. When we had sex the first time, we both got carried away. I felt very attracted to him and he seemed to feel the same, which led to us having sex. Contraception wasn't on our minds at all. He didn't pressure me not to use a condom and I didn't pressure him. I also had problems conceiving in a previous relationship in my 30s. I didn't get pregnant once after actively trying for about 3 years in that relationship. Not that that is an excuse for not using contraception, but that is where I am currently.

I told him that I'm pregnant a few days ago, and so far he has been supportive about it. He said he is looking forward to being a parent. He is 34 and this will be his first child also. I don't know what the future holds though. I'm really happy to be pregnant but also quite anxious about the future. I am trying work out what the arrangement will be if we aren't in a relationship and not living together when the baby arrives. We were in the early stages of dating and getting to know each other, but not at the stage where you are actually in a relationship. I don't know if he will still be involved when the baby arrives. He has been saying the right things so far. I am wondering if there's anyone here who has been pregnant (or is currently pregnant) in a situation where they aren't actually in a relationship with the baby's father. I know it's a common situation but I also know it's stigmatised sometimes. I have friends who are pregnant (or have DCs already) and they are all in relationships with their DC's dads.

Op although Im not in your situation I have had 'accidental/' pregnancies in my life around I want to say please let go of the feeling that you have to justify or explain any of this to anyone. You don't need to explain why you got pregnant or didnt' use contraception - this is your life - put the guilt away and enjoy your baby I hope the pregnancy goes smoothly.

i actually know two men who stayed with partners they had only just met in this situation and it worked out long term - but they were both younger when it happened - not that it matters the age really.

Massive congratulations! Don’t worry, it is what it is.
I was in the same situation and our son is now 27.
We aren’t together and are both married to other people now but our son is a joy and although we as parents very rarely speak to each other, we know that we can count on each other no matter what.

i had a whoopsidaisy baby 😁shes now 24 and my absolute joy , honestly enjoy every second of this pregnancy , if you both work out as a couple great , if not hes sounds like hes ready to be a dad which is also great X ( as my sperm donor pretended it hadn't happened and left me to it )

Take each day as it comes and seriously just feel blessed this wonderful gift is on the way 😘Congratulations and Enjoy

Congratulations op, that's wonderful.

No matter what happens with the Dad, you'll have a wonderful little person and they are amazing.

(Btw do you have pcos - apparently the effects of that on fertility lessen with age, I know a woman who has it and had kids around 40).

I didn't get pregnant once after actively trying for about 3 years in that relationship. Not that that is an excuse for not using contraception, but that is where I am currently.

Well many women would have thought the risk was low due to that.

(Plus people insist in believing in a 35 cliff that doesn't exist and loudly lecturing women about it (too simple minded to not translate "steeper decline from around 35" as "cliff". There's a 40 something on the pregnancy choices board every fortnight).

Do you have much potential support op?

The baby and toddler years can be challenging especially if they're not a chilled, good sleeper.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago at 40, although a bit further along in a relationship although a fairly new relationship not living together, I already had 3 children, only working part time, and not much space to bring another child into the family, the father made it clear he wasn't going to be moving in with me so I decided against proceeding with the pregnancy, it was for the best as I felt I wouldn't able to cope with the stress of a baby as well as already trying to survive as a single mum.
If the father had of moved in with me, I may of kept the baby, the support is important especially if you don't have others to help.
Although it's a sad situation, I don't regret it, I've progressed my career and feel I'm more stable than I would of been.
Question is can you do it alone? if he doesn't move in.

Suprising its his first given that he has no qualms about sex without protection.
If you are happy about it, that's what counts.
A good idea to assume for now you will be going it alone and prepare accordingly. You never know, it could work out between you, just don't expect it to or force it just because of circumstances.Is he still interested in a relationship? You should know after 2-3 months if you are in a relationship, if you didn't, then one or both of you were holding off for some reason other than pregnancy.
Even if you do form a relationship, its too soon to live together really, so aim to co-parent and see how it goes.

Congratulations :)

I've never been in your situation, but I would think you need an STD test? That will be extra important if you're expecting. The fact that he's had full unprotected sex with you suggests he could have done this before.

Christ that’s horrible. Surely the OP understands about that sort of thing without you shoving it in?

Lad at work had a baby by a one night stand

the co parent amazingly they’ve never fallen out or broken up in the first place there’s no negative history to damage things

Take it one day at a time. I don’t think
you can really plan ahead. Congratulations and hope it all goes well.

Congratulations, there are plenty on single parents out there so if you want this baby there is no reason not to continue on. If things work out with the dad then that’s a bonus. Just take it slowly.

My sister got pregnant within 10 weeks of meeting her DP, they are now married and that baby is 19 so it can work.

Similar situation x I had my little one at 42. We are not together because he wanted me to terminate.

We do however Co-parent her and are forming a respectful friendship.

Good luck and congratulations x

My DH and I fell pregnant after the first time. We have now been together over a decade and been married 5 years with two beautiful boys :) I did feel the judgement of other people at first and it really affected my pregnancy - I have actually posted on here before due to "funny" comments made by people. But do you know what - we are a happy family and DH and I are very much in love. So it can be a happy ending however you proceed.

Congratulations :)

I’m quite flabbergasted that you had sex with no protection with a practical stranger. Very risky if he has a habit of shagging around with no condom

I got pregnant a few months in to dating and she will be 10 next month.

The biggest mistake I made was rushing into a full blown relationship very quickly because of the pregnancy. We went from 20 to 100 within weeks because he was concerned how it would "look" with me being pregnant and us not living together etc. I wish I'd taken it more slowly depsite the pregnancy.

We had lots of challenges with his family after she was born. We hadn't had enough time to decide our boundaries etc so I felt suffocated very quickly. We did however make it work for another 6 years and had another baby too.

We are now separated and brilliant coparents. We're best friends. We have a very non-conventional dynamic as we all still holiday together and enjoy family meals and days out together on Sundays. It's great. Just remember you don't need to follow any messed up societal norms. I just wish we hadn't rushed so much in the beginning. As for the babies... they are the best things that ever happened to me. Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy. 🌈

My mums friend had this situation. She Went on a date to the pub ended up pregnant. They started off as sort of raising the baby whilst getting to know each other. Now they have 4 kids and been together 20 odd years! Stranger things have happened OP. Congratulations and I hope it all works out.

I just want to say congratulations OP!

Congratulations!

Don't worry. And for gods sake don't force a relationship if it isn't meant to be.

I’m flabbergasted. You don’t know this woman, yet felt the need to make a bitchy comment. Since when did society become so judgemental that people feel the need to comment on things that don’t affect them?

Crikey first rule of first dates surely is Use A Condom.

It’s usually best to think about what sort of parent a partner might be before getting pregnant.

I too would be getting a STD check.

Sorry, but this is not ideal. You hardly know this person and now could be connected with them for years