Pregnant after first time having sex with new partner

[quirkyfig]

I am pregnant for the first time in somewhat less than ideal circumstances. I am 41 and met a man from online dating a few months ago. I did a Clearblue test and it was showing as 3+ weeks. I also used a due date calculator based on when my LMP was and I'm 7 weeks pregnant according to that. We had sex for the first time in late February and I'm pretty sure that was when I conceived. The dates match up perfectly. There are a few things I want to clarify. When we had sex the first time, we both got carried away. I felt very attracted to him and he seemed to feel the same, which led to us having sex. Contraception wasn't on our minds at all. He didn't pressure me not to use a condom and I didn't pressure him. I also had problems conceiving in a previous relationship in my 30s. I didn't get pregnant once after actively trying for about 3 years in that relationship. Not that that is an excuse for not using contraception, but that is where I am currently.

I told him that I'm pregnant a few days ago, and so far he has been supportive about it. He said he is looking forward to being a parent. He is 34 and this will be his first child also. I don't know what the future holds though. I'm really happy to be pregnant but also quite anxious about the future. I am trying work out what the arrangement will be if we aren't in a relationship and not living together when the baby arrives. We were in the early stages of dating and getting to know each other, but not at the stage where you are actually in a relationship. I don't know if he will still be involved when the baby arrives. He has been saying the right things so far. I am wondering if there's anyone here who has been pregnant (or is currently pregnant) in a situation where they aren't actually in a relationship with the baby's father. I know it's a common situation but I also know it's stigmatised sometimes. I have friends who are pregnant (or have DCs already) and they are all in relationships with their DC's dads.

When we had sex the first time, we both got carried away. I felt very attracted to him and he seemed to feel the same, which led to us having sex. Contraception wasn't on our minds at all.

Sorry but this is very very wrong

I think the issue is that he’s the one who ‘shoved it in.’

Hadjab - I am not being bitchy. I am being a realist. Two strangers bringing a child into the world. How do you think this situation plays out for the majority of women and children? But no, let’s all coo over her and pretend this is amazing news and describe the one in 10,000 couple who made it work. You are a fantasist and an encourager of poor de soon making.

Decision

I know a woman who went as far as IVF but never got PG. New DH and she had two children easily, it was unexplained fertility in previous relationship. Some people just don’t manage together but can with new partners plus at 41 your hormones are probably in a last hurrah surge.

At 41 this is very likely your last chance for a child but be prepared to possibly go it alone. At this stage a decent man would want to support but you may or may not be compatible as life partners though and only time will tell.

@JasonTindallsTan because some people are thinking about the potential child

I’m sure the OP also knows that unprotected sex is a sure fire way of getting pregnant? Its neither horrible not ‘shoving it in’.
A 41 year old and a 34 year old both know that unprotected sex is reckless - more so with a stranger.

Don't be ridiculous. Having a child should be a considered decision. Even if someone accidentally gets pregnant, they can still consider the choice of a termination or not.
This site is flooded with single parents - generally women - living lives that are tough, and much of that is because generally raising a child is much easier when both parents are involved. The children who are born in less than ideal situations are usually the ones who pay the price of their parent’s recklessness.

Congratulations! My story was very similar and now we're getting married this year, three years on.

However it turns out, it will be fine. I appreciate i am very lucky but we just embraced the pregnancy and spent the time still getting to know each other. I was breastfeeding a three week old baby at our one year anniversary meal😂

Ignore the unpleasant replies, they're not helpful but just for peace of mind maybe have a full STI screen?

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

An STI screen would be wise. Not because you are being judged for anything, just because they are recommended when you change sexual partners. Plus, given that you are now pregnant, some infections can pose a risk to your baby, so best to get them sorted if they are an issue.

Congratulations on your news, how exciting! Sounds like he wants to be involved which tbh is more than you can say for half the DH’s married woman post about on here. So long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. Worst case he drifts away doesn’t matter really-better alone than with someone useless!

A friend of mine got pregnant in the very early stages of a relationship. She was 18 and they got married, had the child, after 8 years had another one and then another one.
She is in her late 50s and he is now dying of cancer. It has been a great marriage. Who knows what the future will bring?

It’s true though - it’s not judgemental.

Some posters on here are putting the potential child first, which should always be the case.

I got caught pregnant after 2 weeks of being with my partner. Still going strong after more than 10 years, we've decided we'll have our "honeymoon phase" once the kids are a bit older 😂

Op I hope you can ignore the spiteful horrible twats on here who think it’s the 1950s. A baby at 41 is wonderful news.

Why do these stories come up so often? This exact same story?

I didn't use a condom

Yes but it's because I thought I was infertile

But despite just meeting this man (and he's not even asked me out) I'm thrilled to be having his (accidental?) baby

And interestingly, the reaction to an established couple 15 years younger planning a baby would be selfish, ruining your life etc, but for some reason - one person even dating to suggest an STD test is judgy.

Sorry, just something I've noticed! It's your life so if you're happy, go for it

This happened to me, except we used condoms. I was 40, he was 36. Eerie how similar!

Our DD is now 16m and we bought a house and got married. He was very supportive and I already knew I was crazy about him.

There are some days when I worry we moved too fast but we are doing ok!

Wishing you the best of luck!

Maybe because a) people are human and slip up especially when b) in the throes of passion?!

Maybe because a) people are human and slip up especially when b) in the throes of passion?!

Eh? And that explains why this exact situation comes up constantly?!

And that explains why posters blindly support this one specific situation, that is clearly not great?!

Ok?!

A baby is always a blessing and this was meant to be.

Let’s face it op. This is nonsense, you didn’t use contraception because in the back of your mind you thought it was worth a go at getting yourself pregnant. It’s worked. Lots of women do this. Idk why they try and dress it up otherwise.
Personally I wouldn’t be trying to make a relationship work. It’s just an added layer of stress and it probably won’t work out. There’s a fair age gap there with you being older that won’t help either. You don’t really say whether you carried on seeing each other after the first time having sex?