Is it pathetic to unfriend family on social media because they make you feel triggered.

[Orangeblueberry]

I’ve got a family member who has done nothing wrong to me but having to look constantly at their perfect family photos is making me feel shit. I have de-friended them now but is that me being pathetic?

I’m trying to protect my mental health. I had a shitty childhood and a long abusive marriage (which I left a few years ago) and having to constantly look at their perfect life is really effecting me. My life has been hard and hard lessons have been learned. This other person (she is female) has never worked, her husband pays for everything, she is absolutely happy with this. She gets to stay at home all day whilst the kids are at school and crochet and bake cakes and I’m getting triggered seeing this on a daily basis. Like I said she hasn’t done anything to me personally I just can’t keep looking at it and thinking what crap luck I had, why me.

Have you had any therapy OP?

I don't think that unfriending one person on social media is going to be the solution to your problems if you are suffering a lot of trauma.

You will be triggered again in the future by something else.

You need to address that within yourself by talking to a professional.

Oh so if it's her own family with all the positive posts then that's not unusual. Of course they'll be more active on own sister/daughters sm.

You can unfollow instead of unfriend them she won’t know

I came off social media for this reason; my life fell apart and I couldn’t bear to see all the happy posts on instagram. I haven’t been on insta or Facebook in nearly 4 years and it was incredibly freeing.

It’s a funny thing social media. On one hand it is nice and then on another hand it’s bad. I think for me personally I’ve got a bit too much damage from trauma for the good to outweigh the bad. I’m not strong enough atm.

I think you need to address the reasons you feel like this and come off social media if you find it that triggering.

Downgrading yourself, minimizing your emotions, feeling resentment then pretending its no big thing are all problems. Try to get some help. This is no way to live. You don’t deserve it. But nothing changes if nothing changes.

I've unfollowed a couple of relatives as their views make me angry but confronting them just makes things worse. They have no idea. It's the easier route!

@pikkumyy77 I know. It’s not a nice way to live especially when I have an awful lot to be grateful for. I’ve been diagnosed lately with a life long illness. I’ve been told from living under so much stress for decades, well I suppose from childhood. I’m just feeling a bit shit I suppose. Like why me, which is not helpful. I have no idea what is in store for this person. She is just living her life. Currently she is very fortunate. It is hard living with a lot of trauma. I don’t see things the way others without trauma do. I suppose I have honed in on this person because they really have been fortunate in life. (I’m not just saying that they are very fortunate). I wish I could see life that way she does but I’ve seen too much. It’s feels heavy at times.

I'd come off social media altogether.

Sorry you have been going through a hard time op. Rather than unfriending your family it might be better to focus on why you believe that their life is so perfect, because behind the photos, I guarantee it won’t be.

For example, your relative’s life might seem great now, all stress-free home baked cakes and crochet, but once the dc are older, she may find it difficult to get back in to her job, her career prospects and mh may have taken a hit, and not earning her own money may become problematic.

Even if that doesn’t happen, and she is blissfully happy, you are always going to come across people in life who you perceive to be happier, healthier, more rich, more beautiful. Life is unfair and the sooner we reach a place of acceptance about it the better.

A good strategy is reducing the amount of time on sm, getting outside in nature, writing a gratitude journal (this sounds really fluffy and trivial but it actually works by reprogramming your brain) helping others worse off, and basically working hard at things within your control and ignoring those that aren’t.

Having a conversation is a completely different thing to reading posts on SM and I think it’s great that you aren’t cutting this person out of your life- just switching to a healthier modality.

It’s definitely not pathetic to notice triggers and take steps to manage them. I only read the news now because I find it easier to parse than watching or hearing it. I’m still informed.

SM has a way or exaggerating our differences. When my dc we’re in preschool I became friends with another mum, who was in a completely different socioeconomic league to me. Her dd was an only, and she and her dh were in their fifties with elderly dps. There were 3 sizeable family fortunes that her dd might conceivably inherit as a young adult and she was worrying about how to prepare her dd for that. Chatting about these things over coffee, we were bonding sharing our worries, and finding solidarity as mums trying to right by our dc. But if I were reading snippets of her life on Facebook (no idea if she posts; I’ve never looked) I wouldn’t feel that we had anything in common.

Unfollow her unashamedly, and consider reducing SM in other ways too. And also consider where the judgemental term “pathetic” originates in your life - it’s important to cultivate positivity and support and to reduce harmful influences. You don’t sound pathetic at all; you sound like a fighter and a survivor to me.

Just read your update about your illness op. I would like to add to my earlier post that it’s totally understandable that your view of life is altered when you are feeling ill, tired, in pain etc.

Could you speak to the gp about this? You may need some help like ads or talking therapy to help you manage the symptoms. 💐

Btw if this person is having to seek validation on sm for her crafts then I wouldn’t necessarily assume that everyone close to her is quick to jump in and salute her in rl.

This!!!!

Generally social media is how you share, as many people aren’t popping round each others houses or whatsapping each other.

Just to add, I had a friend and she put a picture of her and her husband kissing and saying how much she adored him, two days later she left him as she had been having an affair!
#fakebook

I used to feel the same about R2 All Request Friday. All these fabulous people doing fabulous things with all their money... I was a very broke single Mum of 4 working all the hours sent just to stay afloat.

I used to turn it off!

Same as you have. It's not silly if it's making you feel bad. You've done the right thing.

I make crafts and I’ve never put it on sm. Each to their own I guess. Different if you are part of an on-line crafting group of course.

It’s likely just her friends and family. I think that’s fine.

Yeah she really hasn’t done anything wrong in her posting. The problem is me.

OP I really get what you are saying and why you feel the way you do. It is very common for people with major childhood trauma and an invalidating family to feel aggrieved and saddened by the unfairness of it all.

Posters think they are being helpful by slagging off your relative or asserting that no doubt she will suffer some karmic backlash. But that is really not going to make you feel better.

Go back to therapy and ask for something like IFS or EMDR. These are both pathways to resolving trauma and the fixed negative beliefs that go with it.

Resentment is a poison that you drink to kill the negative feelings that arise when you look at someone else. It kills you, not her.

I’ve muted my MiL and SiL. I just don’t want to see it. MiL would say something if she noticed I’d defriended her so this was the way to avoid them without it being obvious.

I think if she’s posting everyday then def mute her. Some people are just easy to like - pretty / bland people. No substance no trauma.

mute her and focus on yourself. All the attention you give her, give yourself. Read books do exercise cook nice food.

You are giving her your power - take it back !

Oh yes @hollyandivyknickers she is easy to like. No drama, she never asks for anything….probably because she knows there is no point. No trauma, uncomplicated. I am definitely harder to like or should I say require more effort from people to get to know. She’s very happy and hopping and skipping. Never worked, never had to worry as the partner works so hard and pays for everything, no health issues. She is super lucky. I can only dream of being uncomplicated lol!