Is it pathetic to unfriend family on social media because they make you feel triggered.

[Orangeblueberry]

I’ve got a family member who has done nothing wrong to me but having to look constantly at their perfect family photos is making me feel shit. I have de-friended them now but is that me being pathetic?

I’m trying to protect my mental health. I had a shitty childhood and a long abusive marriage (which I left a few years ago) and having to constantly look at their perfect life is really effecting me. My life has been hard and hard lessons have been learned. This other person (she is female) has never worked, her husband pays for everything, she is absolutely happy with this. She gets to stay at home all day whilst the kids are at school and crochet and bake cakes and I’m getting triggered seeing this on a daily basis. Like I said she hasn’t done anything to me personally I just can’t keep looking at it and thinking what crap luck I had, why me.

My daughter was out with a group of old school friends. Most of them were just on their phones the whole time. She sat and talked to one friend. When she got home she looked at Facebook and all of them had posted photos saying having a great time with my fab friends etc. They haven't spoken to each other all night.

I went for a meal and there was a hen party next to us. They didn't speak to each other all night either and were just on their phones and taking photos of the chef etc. It was obvious that the captions would be that they were having a fantastic time but in reality they didn't speak until it was time to leave.

Why are so many people 'friends' on social media with people they clearly dislike?!

Sound advice worth following.

"Oh, I don't look at Facebook much - I'm too busy!".

As others have said just hide the feed and focus on yourself. It’s not her fault that you are unhappy and envious.

Tell her the truth if she's asks.

I’ve got a family member who has done nothing wrong to me but having to look constantly at their perfect family photos is making me feel shit. I have de-friended them now but is that me being pathetic?

This is a bit harsh, but you are being a little pathetic.

This not a "family member" problem, it's a "you-and-social-media" problem. Looking at (what you perceive) as someone else's "perfect" life is making you feel crappy about your own current circumstances. Unless you plan to curate all content so that you're not making comparisons then you'll be better off taking a break from social media.

Most people's mental health would improve with less social media. Feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity...is it worth it?

I have muted some of my in-laws but it's due to their opinions/beliefs that clash with my own. We get on in person ok if I can focus on what I like about them and ignore the other bits!

Do you struggle with social media in general? One of my friends just took a proper break and focused on friends, family, exercise, fresh air and it made her feel loads better. It's important to engage with it on your terms and not let it negatively impact your life x

I would mute and hide. And get some therapy. She's not doing anything wrong and it won't end well if you start cutting people off simply for having a nice life....

It’s not a friend it’s a family member. I am happy in my relationship with my partner and my children. I’ve an awful lot of trauma in my past and for some reason this family member triggers me.
I’ve had to grow up alone and go through all of my trauma alone. There is no one who has told me they are proud of me from my family or from my in laws. For some reason this particular person gets tonnes of praise. I get sick of reading it on Facebook. When I think of the abuse I’ve suffered and no one has ever supported me it makes me sad. The family member has not suffered abuse of any kind (we all know this). She is just the most perfect person. Of course I’m jealous. I’d love to go through life and it be easy. When I see her posts I see my past, I can’t help it. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

What people post is not representative of their whole lives. People don’t post that they are having a crap time and some people seem to live their lives on SM.

In real life we wouldn’t be friends. I could not relate to her. It’s only because she is family but I don’t want to know about her life. I’m happy to say hi when we get together, how are you etc etc and be friendly.

I also suggest counselling to work through this as it's within you and will just keep happening.

Make changes, celebrate the good. You do not know what her life is truly like.

Well Im young but only have Facebook because it connects to games I play. I defriended lots of family and friends last year as can't be bothered with it all. Made it very clear if they Wana talk I can physically talk to them or visit with them, I can't be bothered with posters who can't actually be bothered with a real life relationship

The family member has not suffered abuse of any kind (we all know this). She is just the most perfect person. Of course I’m jealous. I’d love to go through life and it be easy

You can not possibly know everything this woman has experienced in her life and what kind of emotional baggage she has to carry around with her. Nobody gets thru life unscathed.

OP, initially I really felt for you as it's obvious you're hurting. When you're "triggered" by someone who (in your words) gets to "crochet and bake cakes", then something is obviously wrong. But the more you post your bitterness and self-pity become more glaring.

I hope you are getting some professional help with processing these difficult emotions. Most people would benefit from a social media break, but that's especially true in your case. But if that's not what you want to do, then go ahead and block everyone who stirs up these jealous emotions in you. It doesn't sound like much fun, but if that's your priority then so be it. Good luck going forward.

Come off social media and concentrate on having a good time with your own family.

@CulturalNomad thats what I said this particular person stirs up emotions in me that I don’t like. There is only this one person. I don’t pretend to think it’s nice, it doesn’t feel nice either. I can’t help the way I feel though unfortunately as much as I try. Not having the daily upload of photos to look at I thought might help for now. I’m not sat here happy about the way I feel.

@Orangeblueberry mute this person, but like others I don't think it will help you long term. You will simply hyper-focus on another person who will seemingly have it easier in life than you. You need to address these issues first

I’ve got so much emotional baggage to unpack that I am struggling with this atm. I’ve never felt like this before, I don't feel like it about anyone else.

My “perfect” social media friends are lovely but they have shit going on in their lives, they just don’t post that.

I share happy memories of birthday cakes I’ve made for dc and their celebrations, concerts, theatre trips, holidays etc

I don’t post that 18 months ago I was suicidal due to work place bullying, that dh’s job is at risk due to restructure, that dm has been in hospital and needs surgery.

social media is a memory bank of the good stuff, not everything in real life. I think you’d benefit from a full step away from social media then you can just say you are taking a break from sm and it’s less personal.

OP I really feel for you, of course you can mute this person you can do what you want with your Facebook page, I've done it with a few so called friends in the past, I don't think you should give up social media altogether if you're involved with groups etc

Exactly this.

Sometimes social media is a tool of self-harm. Even many of the online "support" groups do little more than enable people to stay stuck in an unhealthy mental space.

@TeenLifeMum it’s less of the fact she seems perfect, I’m sure she isn’t like everyone else. I think it’s more of the fact that she has family telling her how proud they are of and how much they love her. She literally posts pictures of her cakes and crafts and all the family are on it straight away. She is accepted by people and I’ve just never had that. I find it stirs up feelings in me that I try my hardest to quieten. They aren’t my most endearing qualities and I don’t like those feelings. It’s hard to quiet them down and I do tend to focus on them. The only way I feel I can stop the focus and make my mental health better is by avoiding seeing those comments and pictures.

You don’t have to justify stopping stalking people in social media. But this post itself should be a wake up call for you—you are hurting from your childhood and your unhappy marriage. Stop scratching the wound by being jealous of others and get to work figuring out how to live YOUR best life. Your friend’s life could get better and better, or go to shit tomorrow, and your life won’t change at all.

Posting here is a sign of your loneliness and distress—somehow it makes you feel better to offer yourself and your pain and get people to flutter around saying “poor you! Cut that bitch off! Maybe she’s really miserable despite her SM!” This os the problem—not the solution. Getting people’s sympathy and attention for being miserable is the junk food of mental health. Its empty of good calories.

Take a deep breath. Shut off social media, and start to work on creating the life you want. If you want a healthy, loving, partnership then make that your goal. If you want a house make that your gial. At any rate: set some personal goals and go achieve them.

@pikkumyy77 I don’t want people to say poor me and cut that bitch off at all. Like I said she has done nothing to be and she isn’t a bitch at all. I’ve also said that in RL her life is pretty perfect, she isn’t miserable. I do have a good relationship, lovely kids and own my own home I’m not miserable at all. There is just something I get stuck on.