Have I done anything wrong?

[carpetmedoen]

Last night me and my partner had a huge argument because I went for a cuddle.
He's moods are always up and down but now I'm feeling like I've done something bad.
I just cuddled him and he said no I don't want a cuddle ,I thought he was joking so didn't move.
Then he said again no I don't want a cuddle
So I got off a bit annoyed saying bloody hell I just wanted a cuddle
He started screaming in my face "I said no"
Then he punched the door
Didn't speak all night and woke up this morning and Wouldn't get up.
Then I said are you really doing this over a cuddle
He said it's not about the cuddle
You didn't listen when I said no
I said no
He never shows me affection unless it was on his terms
Monday night he cuddled me fine
I feel really upset now that I've done something bad and don't want to go to work

Not wanting a cuddle is ok. We all have the right to boundaries and choices over what happens to our bodies.

Punching walls and shouting at you, however, is abusive.

Wow

person does not consent to being touched. Clearly says no. Apparently that makes them an arse and as they had previously consented that’s a reason they should not object now!

jesus fucking christ mumsnet!

When someone messes with your gead to this extent that is because it is their goal to mess with your head.
You deserve to be with someone who honestly loves you the way you want to be loved and generously shares their thoughts with you so you can understand them. Get out before you bring children into this mess.

You should have got off him when he said no.

Then he punched the door
but this is never ok.

you are not suited. Best to go your separate ways.

And again. Fucking hell

consent once is open ended and choosing to withdraw it just means that the previous occasion must have been manipulation

teasing, if you want to call it that

Spot on

Why dont you both go out of the house? Go for a walk or something. Get outside for a bit.

How dare he only want to be physically touched on his terms! The bastard

OP did your “partner” start commenting on the thread?

Do one. Idiot.

You're being gaslit OP

I'm sorry he does this to you, it's not OK

So clearly explain consent to me if I don’t understand it…

Thank you

i, and many others, will continue to believe that consent for physical contact can be withdrawn at any time for any reason, and that just because someone did something last week doesn’t mean they can’t decide not to do it this week.

You misunderstand me - I think something like physical touch should be consensual to all parties. In a relationship as a whole it should never be entirely one sided.

@Icantpaint I'm sorry but get a grip
It was a cuddle
A literal 2 second cuddle with my partner of 3 years who I live with and will more than likely marry
Nowhere in our history has either of us asked for "consent " to have a cuddle
A cuddle
That's it
He doesn't ask permission to cuddle me
Hold my hand
Put his arms around me from behind
Why would he ?
He's my partner not a random man on a train
I'm sorry but after sleeping on it
I done nothing wrong

Find threads where women are being cuddled by their partners, they say no, and the partner either doesn’t stop or gets whiny about it

see how they go

if Your partner doesn’t want to be touched, don’t touch them. Man or woman

Ah, yes we agree then

im just not sure that agreeing to it on one occasion and not on another is “having it his way”. Either party should be able to do that

I just cuddled him and he said no I don't want a cuddle ,I thought he was joking so didn't move.
Then he said again no I don't want a cuddle

Your OP says this. He told you no twice yet you carried on. That’s ignoring consent. Anyone has the right to say no to being touched at any time

His reaction was disgusting and nothing excuses that but you can’t just say ‘I did nothing wrong’ when you completely ignored him saying no.

Exactly this.

Of course in a long term relationship, most people don’t ask their partner for consent before every cuddle- but if you initiate a cuddle with your partner and they ask you to stop, you have to respect that.

What he did afterwards was aggressive and unnecessary, but he is entitled to say that he doesn’t want to be cuddled.

I stand by what I said. I think he's abusive, and finding any reason to blow his top. He's an abuser and is playing mind games. We're not talking about sex on Monday and then saying no and being raped on the Tuesday. We're talking about a cuddle on the sofa and the wall being punched. He's abusive. He's playing mind games. He's wearing down his girlfriend and making her doubt her own mind. You're talking nonsense.

Of course he has the right to, but being an aggressive wanker when the op thought he was playing around is OTT. It's a huge red flag.

So does consent apply to any physical contact or just sex?

If he said no he said no. You should have left him alone. That said it was a massive overreaction and he sounds like he has some anger issues.

I don't ask for consent to hold my partners hand, or touch him in a normal way, no. As for sex that naturally progresses and I've never asked for consent, I'm pretty sure he hasn't either, we're on the same wavelength and it's pretty obvious if it's not wanted at the time. If I went to cuddle my husband on the sofa, and he said no but I thought he was joking, then he got up angry as hell and punched the wall I'd think he was fucking crazy and rethink my whole relationship. If you think that's normal in these circumstances then I think you're pretty strange, and yet you're trying to imply I'm the weird one.

Completely agree.