Asking for peoples thoughts here, I feel at a loss.
background is important to the main event here, so here goes…
In Dec 23 I fell pregnant, after 4.5 yrs of using the natural cycles contraception method. This was a shock as we have successfully avoided pregnancy for a long time with good tracking. After careful consideration, I terminated the pregnancy. This was for lots of reasons but mainly knowing I have a big court case coming up following a disastrous car accident my partner partly caused which led to a broken arm and spine, I have further spinal surgery to come this year, and my partner and I not feeling in much of a stable position to be having another baby just yet. My partner was drinking more and we didn’t feel very connected at all, I’d also just started a new job so I wouldn’t have got mat pay etc. I told my partner how I felt and why, and he was quiet about the whole thing even up to the point of the appts being organised, and me organising time off work for the termination.
The termination couldn’t have gone worse, my partner was out for most of it doing silly things like going to the post office, going to a piano lesson etc, and he felt that we should have made a different decision, but only properly voiced this right before and just after the tablets had been taken. That evening he put his legs out over my body and whilst I was bleeding heavily and in pain, which I felt was the height of disrespect, he then told me he was angry at what I had done.
long story short I’d said I wanted to leave over this whole experience, his response to the pregnancy, during the termination etc was all woeful. However, he offered to pay for us to go to couples therapy as an attempt to repair. We’ve been going since before Xmas and have patched things up fairly well though certain addictive behaviours around alcohol remain an issue, mostly that when he drinks he disconnects from me which makes it hard to rebuild our lost connection. We had agreed to use condoms as an additional preventative measure moving forward but this slipped slightly, only recently.
We had unprotected sex during a non fertile window on holiday and he pulled out as agreed (heat of the moment on holiday). I got a condom out the next time we had sex and he said no I will pull out again. This then led to this bank holiday weekend - which was no different, low levels of alcohol involved on his part meant that he had been distant and moody, and he was feeling tired from working on Saturday. Sunday night, we were having sex and he didn’t pull out as previously agreed.
AIBU to be pissed off that he has taken this liberty with my body after everything said and done?
I know there will be people that don’t agree with using natural contraception methods, but for us this has worked for years and only recently went wrong once. We were safe after that and had I suppose, built up the confidence to use natural methods again with good tracking etc, but to cum inside me without my consent and after treating me like shit during the termination has really got under my skin. It’s not as if everything is ok, we are still navigating this tricky period in our relationship.
If I’m being really honest, he had previously assaulted me orally when he came home drunk from a work night out. We were kissing, he went to go down on me, I said no repeatedly and he continued. We didn’t continue being intimate that night and we had a big falling out the next day.
He knows I was raped by my ex partner and this all just feels uncomfortable at this point.
We have been together 6 years and have a 4yr old.
What are peoples thoughts?