Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Do any of you ever acknowledge if things are fading out with the other person and finish things up when they're dead in the water ?

Yes. I've messaged blokes and just said I'm not feeling this anymore, had a nice time, wished them well and said bye.

Is this about the inconsistent messaging bloke? I know he's said he's not good with messaging, but you're allowed to say that you don't want that if that won't work for you. If you want someone who messages consistently, go and find someone who does!

In what sense?

I think that a lot of people would say to not rise to ti and let it fizzle... but as a person I feel like I need some form of closure and OLD has realllh taught me to be more forward and consider my own feelings.

I think if I had good chat with someone/been dating them and they disappeared I would probably pull them up on it and ask what's going on!

If it was a new chat and I'd never met them, despite how excited I was, I'd let it go (this happened to me last week!).

I am reading through everyone's updates and nice to see some positive stories. Sorry to those having a pants time.

I came off the apps last night. Just got fed up with it all. I'd given my number to one bloke I was messaging so we've moved to WhatsApp. No idea what will happen. He seems keener to chat and I'm keener to meet so I will see how long it drags on for.

In my case , he is responding with a sentence as an answer... no return questions or interest in asking me anything so I'm tempted to just say look I'm not feeling it and don't sense interest anymore so let's let this go and all the best ..???

Or is that too
Premature ? In which case , do you wait for the next message from him? My gut is telling me that he's replaced me in his interests but is being mannerly . Then again my gut has led me astray all my life !!!

@asabatt I asked similar question a page or 2 ago if you want to read through some more. If you've never met I would just let it go... I think if three replies without a question, I'd leave it. But I'm also not into a lot of messaging, especially before meeting.

It's interesting ... He responds always and is mannerly etc but doesn't ask me questions really unless it serves him .. so very little ' how was your day?' And more ' so what are you looking for ?' And other questions that benefit him.
Yes he a hugely busy but he definitely has lessened in consistency with texting. I may be wrong but I feel like he is keeping me on a hook while he has taken up more with another lady( ladies) just in case it does t work out with them.
Very hard to read isn't it !!!

@asabatt how old is he? I find men in their 50's don't tend to 'chat' much on text or ask questions. The ones I have chatted to have struggled to type lots (big thumbs!!) and once we move to WhatsApp leave voice notes instead of texting!

He is 48 and verbally constipated it seems . WTF is wrong with these men?? I work with the chattiest, loveliest and easiest of men and yet they don't seem to exist on line... maybe there's something HUGE in that !!!!
Anyway I took the bull by the horns and said look I'm not getting any impression that you've any interest in continuing this conversation so shall we just leave it altogether..
He text back immediately and said' what makes you think that!?' 😂😂 I don't even know how I'm going to word the response ... send help!!!

@asabatt I would just let it go. He thinks this is an acceptable way to communicate. You don't so why waste your time?

I am ruthless and can't be bothered wasting my time anymore! I enjoy my own company and peace far too much now. I always ask myself is this bloke worth disturbing my peace for? And unfortunately 9/10 times the answer is no!

Thanks.
Cue: gaslighting I think!

@Stillhopefull I would definitely be suspicious if someone never messaged in the evening unless they worked shifts or as you say had a very time consuming evening hobby but even in both those scenarios they wouldn't be occupied every evening. So yes I would be v suspicious. But having said that even some of the married ones must be messaging in the evenings.

I've only come across one so far who was definitely married. Mostly it's been really obvious from their profiles in that they haven't put up any photos so v easy to avoid.

@asabatt I do feel your pain. Some of the messaging scenarios I have had going on have been dire. I am repeating myself and others but I do think some of them ( most) and particularly those of a certain age just have no clue how to have a reciprocal conversation. So I don't think they are necessarily being deliberately obtuse. But it is painful for sure.

@Mckittens I used to think that about the age thing. But the bloke I'm chatting to now is 50 and probably one of the better ones I've had for conversation! But by my own admission, he is moving a lot slower than I am used to!

@ChampagneNightmares there definitely are a few gems out there. I was chatting to one for several weeks who was early 50's and he was brilliant, funny but also seemed really interested and interesting and asked & reflected on stuff in a way that made me think.

Really enjoyed chatting to him a lot but then it just ended, he vanished. So I know they do exist but it's been more likely to be the opposite unfortunately. Really hope your one works out. Very difficult not to get invested when the chat is good but an actual face to face meeting doesn't happen quickly for whatever reason.

@asabatt not necessarily gaslighting but I'd see how he behaves after this. My experience is men don't want to be pulled up on things and would rather take the easy way out and also keep their options open. If he does now message more, then great, but if he lapses back into one word answers etc, then there is your answer.

Also, early days so maybe he is chatting to loads. Have you met him in person yet?

@Mckittens I am not expecting a lot our of it frankly. I am probably too jaded from OLD at the moment. But the chat is nice for the time being. It will likely be me that grows tired of the chat and will put a stop to it if I don't see things progressing.

Mr B came over last night. He looked lovely and was very charming. He's always very conversational and entertaining, and...attentive in bed, although still a bit rushed. But although I find him attractive and fun I'm not sure I fancy him enough, and because we are both busy and rarely find time to meet it's hard to build rapport. I will see him next week just for dinner so I will think about how I feel in the meantime.

@Mckittens one of my exes was very academic - cancer research scientist with publications etc. Yes, that was his job and passion, but so much more to him. You never know he may also like eating Frazzles whilst watching MAFS!

So, I’m back talking to people online.

Did not need as much time as I thought - my resilience is clearly good 😂

Matched with someone yesterday or the day before. Messages have been great and we spoke on the phone via bumble app for an hour last night! This was my suggestion as we were messaging constantly back and forth, which seemed like hard work for typing 😂

He works across the road from me, so meeting next week for coffee.

Have two more chats on the go and keeping options open.

I've said to men before about their messaging style and lack of questions because I think they should know what the issue is.

On dating apps I usually say 'we're 10/20/30 messages in and you've not asked a single question/only asked 1 question so I don't think our communication levels are the same so I'll be unmatching'.
They usually read and unmatch😂

Just be honest with him. Don't overthink this.

@ChampagneNightmares I totally get the jaded thing. Somehow I've been doing old for almost 3 months and I'm totally burnt out. Going to take a break in a few days when my subscription runs out. I think I've lost faith in my intuition. I am assuming everyone is dodgy in some kind of way or that it won't work out so I'm not responding or blocking and deleting for the slightest thing. And having to summon up energy even to message at all.

I've got Mr Happy messaging me just now but he seems very high energy, I didn't reply yesterday when I said I would and he has tried again this morning and he was super keen and sweet yesterday but I've just not got the energy for it. I did swop some
Messages with Mr Intellectual last last night, but not sure that is going anywhere. He answered a couple of messages with a complete sentence, no questions but when I then matched that back he did step it up. We will see what happens but doubt it's going anywhere.

@Stillhopefull it’s the ones wearing a wedding ring on photos that baffle me!

I have read something similar and would agree it’s a flag!m for me.

Morning ladies 🥴 Feel a bit out of it, want go back to bed. @LittleFloatingGhost You are very resilient, good on you for getting back out there 😁

I agree with you. @Mckittens it sounds like a dream combo, eating Frazzles and watching MAFS with a fit academic bloke doesn't sound like a bad idea 😉