Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'll come back to read through everybody's updates and rejoice/commiserate later as having a busy day at work.

I was supposed to be meeting Mr Scone this evening. We spoke on Friday evening and agreed to meet around x time at a big main line station today, though not the specific location. As is my usual style, I don't like continuing chat between agreeing and meeting, lest I get too invested, so we've had 3 days of silence.

I say "was supposed", as I haven't heard from him yet. I sent a friendly what time/where text at 9am today, and it looks like he's avoided reading it as no blue ticks.

X station is on my way home, and the time I'd mentioned is around when I'd be on my way home. I've arranged wasted childcare if the date doesn't happen as well, though I can undo this.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

What would you ladies do?

@Starseeking I have a rule that if that if a date is not completely firmed up 24 hours beforehand (extenuating circumstances, with accompanying decent communication excepted) then it’s not a date, so cancel the childcare and go home. He’s not being respectful and if you let him away with it then you’re not respecting yourself. I say this from experience, I am learning!

@SamW98 you definitely don't come across in your posts as someone who could tolerate twee 😆

2 out of the 5 I've been on dates with couldn't drive. I mean what's that about, mid to late 50's and not able to drive. I get the whole eco perspective but that doesn't explain why they never learnt 30 odd years ago. One of them waxed lyrical about the benefits of the megabus to which I said think I'd prefer to just drive.

Mr European had been blocked and deleted, he was definitely a scammer as well. I was on the verge of losing all hope but then I got a lovely message from someone whose photo I was very drawn to, older but really attractive and perfect written profile as well.

Downside is they are 500 miles away but he sent a really lovely message and whilst it's obviously not going to go anywhere it has given me a boost and hope that there might be someone out there in my age group who is local and who I might fancy.

And then just after that all happened a nice looking local one liked my profile and sent a message.

And I've sort of agreed to go for a coffee with one of the less alive looking ones but he has been persistent and he isn't a Nigerian catfish so going to give that a whirl, maybe!

Oh, also on the back of me messing about with my age range last night I have had a very much fit and alive looking 33 year old showing interest. Twenty years too young for me but confirmation that there are young, healthy looking ones on match!

@Starseeking im never sure about not keeping in touch in between because i would assume they arent interested if i didnt hear from them in 3 days. I feel like this with my own partner!

@Starseeking I agree with @Mountainormolehills although I might send one more message to say I've not heard from you, so going to cancel my childcare or something along those lines. I definitely wouldn't go and wait at the venue unless you get a reply. So sorry that's really crap. Guess he could have his privacy settings on WhatsApp adjusted but if he didn't previously more likely that he is as you say avoiding the message possibly. So crap.

@blacksocks33 have just read your last post and want to say don't give up hope! I was very similar to you and still can be! But I try and frame OLD as window shopping (sounds harsh I know)! Don't get despondent that some random guy that you're probably too good for has disappeared. Have a think at what it is triggering inside you when this happens and if there is any self care you can do from the inside? You sound a wonderful, kind and loving person and I really believe in thinking that the universe is making sure you don't settle for a below par man (which we know there are many, many on OLD)! Do you follow the fairy godfather? I hate having really prescriptive dating advice but I think he talks sense! Remember you're worth a million of these men on OLD

@Starseeking he might be busy at work! In all honesty if someone didn't chat with me between meetings I'd think they had lost interest xxx

I have to agree. I don’t really get the no communication between dates thing. If I didn't hear from someone I had arranged a date with for 3 days, I’d definitely think they weren’t interested and move on.

So I sent a message at 3pm saying as I've not received confirmation meeting not happening, wished him luck, unmatched him, and moved him to my WhatsApp archive.

I generally organise dates in the lead up to when DC are away, so it'll usually be 1 or 2 days gap of no messaging, although I have had one where we had a week in between, who reconfirmed the night before.

Oh well, have consoled myself with an outrageously priced jelly from M&S (£2), and now on my way home.

Will read back to see what everyone else has been up to this weekend!

Another one not getting the not messaging after arranging a date. If there’s no chat then it’s like interest has been lost.

@SamW98 I’m also responding to some with the same hi and waving energy that I'm given, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere lol

@Champagnenightmares welcome to the threads 😊😊😊 No doubt you’ll soon have stories to share here!

@Stillhopeful @Tillievanilly I ask basic questions before moving to WhatsApp. Generally I need to know where he lives, if he has DC, his relationship status, and how tall he is. I have had one guy ghost when I asked his height lol

@crushed23 I met one who lived within a 10 minute walk of me. I was vague about where exactly I lived, and also met nearer to his house. I realised on meeting that he’d waited for me to arrive at the destination before messaging me and then leaving his house. In any case chemistry wasn’t there, so didn’t see him again.

@Bestlife18 great update! Good to hear things are going well

@LittleFloatingGhost sorry things didn’t work out but good you reiterated your boundaries. Hopefully you can take the time you need to heal and move on.

@mumofoneanddone82 good to hear you are going strong. Gives the rest of us hope that it can and does happen through OLD

@Radiantrainbow that’s probably not one to pursue given you’re really not enthused by the prospect at this stage

@Bluestarling welcome to the OLD support thread. Honestly you need to be so thick-skinned for this, it can be brutal. Hope all goes well once you’ve sorted your profile.

@Loopylooni I wouldn’t say no to someone who looked like Dan Snow 😍😍😍

@blacksocks33 that quote is so true. I have to remind myself of similar whenever something doesn’t work out

@Mckittens your new matches sound promising, fingers crossed they develop into solid potentials

@SamW98 don’t give up! OLD is a slog, but once you get there, I’m sure you forget all about how bad it was (a bit like childbirth).

As mentioned, I generally arrange dates for a couple of days after matching, so not messaging between is not usually an issue. Might rethink strategy after this experience, as this was my first disappearance after loosely arranging to meet!

@Starseeking

I’ll be completely honest. If I’d arranged a date, didn’t hear from someone for 3 days then got a message the morning of the date, I’d write them off as playing games and/or chatting to others and leaving me as a backup plan.

I know everyone is different but honestly after 48 hours with no communication, I’d think I was being ghosted and unmatch tbh.

To people who asked/mentioned my meet up with a local guy, I did completely make clear to him that it was just as friends, I knew (and got evidence of it again) that I completely, just completely didn't fancy him. So went just for a chat/entertainment, maybe even potential friendship because he is a really nice decent bloke. Encouraged him to go back to the dating apps!😂 he's kind of given up. Actually, hope for women out there, really lovely, decent bloke, non-promiscuous, good relationship with ex(I know her!), clever, looks after youngest from the ex 50/50, solvent...he just physically wasn't my type, but he wasn't skinny or too short or too fat (just a little bit of a paunch) or anything, just the wrong "vibe" for me! Want to say decent single men do exist.

But again, he chats to me on whatsapp still, and he is SO MUCH funnier and more open online.
However, that also shows me how we can get excited about someone online and get invested and have a massive build up and then it might not come through in real life.
I think he is just pretty shy in real life, and it would take a woman quite a few dates to coax his witty thoughtful side out, and I obviously don't want him to date so am not going to. But it showed me both not to get invested online but also not to discard someone if they appear very different (less interesting) in real life, it could be just nerves.

Ok…. All tell me I am a horrible person. I didn’t delete the apps the other day as just left it. Had one last check and had matched with a guy who looks wise is probably not my type but his bio said a lot of things that resonated with me.
we have been chatting and he happened to mention his child’s name….. but the name has really given me the ick 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂😂😂😂. Thats awful isn’t it??!

Wanna say while my local friend has re-activated Bumble, his name begins with R(common name), he is around 50(I think, maybe early 50s, though could be 48-49), we are on the border of West Midlands and South West 😁if anyone is interested in matching. Wears glasses. Looks kind, is kind, a bit geeky.

@Starseeking when you go no contact do you make the guy aware of that at all?
I am just thinking, if not, he probably thought you weren't that into him and might have decided to cut his losses.
His actions were not cool though. He could've and should've replied to you today. I'm sorry that happened to you, must have been really disheartening. I hope you're ok x

@Bobtree was it a very chavvy name? Could have been his ex's choice! I can understand a slight ick over it, but I think to make the whole decision over it is self-sabotage! I'd dismiss it for now...

Thanks @blacksocks33. Depends on the last contact really. With this one it was "Ok so we'll meet on Tuesday evening at X station". I didn't think to say let's confirm the day before because so far while I've been OLD, they usually take the initiative to do so.

I'm actually fine with it, as although we had a lovely conversation on Friday, perhaps he decided he didn't feel the same/met someone else in the 3 days since, so ghosted.

In saying that, I can see I'm becoming jaded with OLD, and far too easily shrug off the no spark meetings/disappointments now, so will be taking a break at the end of this month, perhaps for a month or so.

I have a couple of in person networking type events with similar level professionals to look forward to in the next few weeks, so thinking I'll keep my eyes open and fingers crossed at those as well.

Hi
Not been on here for a little while so thought I would give a little update...

Mr ITW (in the wild) and I are still going strong on the whole FWB arrangement we currently have and I am very pleased to announce everything is now standing to attention when necessary and the evenings are no longer flops 😉😉. Don't know how long it will last but it's fun while it does and I am making sure I don't catch 'feels'

I have come off the apps for a while mainly because Mr ITW is ticking my boxes with the FWB and I can't cope with the one word answers!!

Those who I have chatted to on here since the start of the year might remember Mr T who I was messaging for 7 weeks and met with a few times but messaged me to say he wasn't ready for a relationship right before we slept together? Well I never blocked his number and we are now definitely friend zoned which is great! We text most days (but not all day like before) chat on the phone occasionally and on Saturday we met in our local city as my dd was there for a dance comp. We had a lovely 4 hours together getting coffee and wandering round the streets chatting...definitely just friends and pleased with that!

Oh no I wouldn’t make a whole decision over it! Sorry, I didn’t mean the name had actually given me the ick, just more my knee jerk reaction when I read it was “ick” if that makes any sense 😂

@Starseeking I think I see where you are coming from because if someone was uber keen, they would probably follow up just before the date. The trouble is I think not everyone is super keen these days.

@2anddone fab update!

I totally get why it can feel like its not ideal to have loads of messaging going on between arranging a date and going on it but if there is going to none I think that needs to be made explicit or the other person is likely to lose interest/ think they've been ghosted etc.

I totally relate to the feeling jaded with it @Starseeking. I feel just like that and can only assume it's because I'm now somehow into month three of doing old & am feeling burnt out. Even basic introductory messaging has become more of a chore than it was. It's so tedious churning out the same shite time after time even with the benefit of the copy and paste function I am definitely going to have break when this month's subscription is due for renewal.

So I exchanged some messages last night with one that I'd been quite hopeful about but turns out he is very academic. I found him online easily and he has lots of publications, high brow stuff whilst I'm there on the sofa eating frazzles and watching MAFs.

Not sure we are very compatible. But after the massive cull I have had the only other options I have left in my inbox are my persistent pensioner who has had another birthday since we last exchanged messages and one with giant ears.

Hey ho, happy Wednesday y'all 😊

Morning ladies!

@2anddone brilliant update! So glad any performance anxieties are no longer an issue! How do you make sure you don't catch the feels? It's been a long time since I've been in that type of scenario but pretty sure I was always terrible at it! As in as soon as I know I shouldn't be falling for someone for whatever reason I do.