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Original poster

Found out I'm pregnant a week after splitting with partner.

122 replies

Itsnot47 · 25/03/2024 14:52

As the title says really.

I was in a toxic, controlling relationship... which I've finally realised can never work, although I still love him.

We split around a week ago, and have been no contact since, he has tried to call on unknown numbers, but I had a feeling it was him and I haven't responded.

I haven't been feeling myself and I've missed my period. Ive found out that I'm pregnant. I'm on the pill, but I have been sick a few times within the last couple of weeks, since we last had sex.

A while ago, I found out I was pregnant and he forced me into having an abortion... well he didn't force me, but he said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby if I kept it, and that id never see him again. I went through with the termination, and the day after I took the tablets, he ghosted me for a week. It was horrible and one of the worst times of my life, I regretted the decision and it took me a while to recover mentally and physically. Since then, he has mocked me for being attached to a 'bunch of cells' and accused me of overreacting.

I already have two DC from a previous relationship (8&9).

I feel like I want to continue this pregnancy.... but I don't know what route to go down. If I tell him I'm pregnant he'll fly off the handle and speak to me like shit, and I don't want that, so I'm at a loss how to handle this. Could I just cut ties, and do this alone? I have a good family/friends network around me who I know would support me.

OP posts:
Minfilia · 25/03/2024 15:13

Possibly, but what if he finds out? Do you want him in your life for the next 18+ years if he decides to be involved?

It’s doable but risky IMO. You’d have to be willing to accept his presence even if it’s unwanted.

CatLevelCare · 25/03/2024 15:17

If there's no way he would find out, go for it. If he's going to see you around and make your life he'll, then I wouldn't want to risk that. You've done well to get rid of him x

pikkumyy77 · 25/03/2024 15:27

I hate to say this but you haven’t been able to terminate the 250 lb clump of cells that is your abusive boyfriend. A week of “no contact” is just a temporary interruption of services, from his point of view.

You already have two young, vulnerable, children whose safety and happiness mum’s abusive boyfriend puts into jeopardy.

No one can tell you what to do with this latest pregnancy but don’t fantasize that keeping it will make him abandon you as he threatened before. Real abusers don’t give a fuck about child/not child. He will come back snd exploit you whether you have it or not. But having it makes it easier for him to control you at a distance even if you continue to try to leave him.

if you don’t terminate it you are leaving the fate wide open for the leopard to come back and eat your face. Don’t be surprised and complain when the leopard comes back to do what it has done before.

Original poster
Itsnot47 · 25/03/2024 15:30

I don't think I could go through another abortion.

It isn't that I don't want to tell him, I just don't want him to fly off the handle.

if he wants to be involved, then fine.

If he doesn't, and wants nothing to do with me, then again, that's fine. I'm not going to ask him for anything.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 25/03/2024 15:33

Ok well “if you don’t want him to fly off the handle” you have a problem because he will do whatever he wants which is the opposite of what you want updated daily.

So if you want to keep the pregnancy then just call him up and tell him you are keeping the baby and letting him go. Tell him if he makes any fuss or tries to argue with you that you will sue for child support but if he leaves you alone you will raise the baby yourself.

Then do what you want.

AperolWhore · 25/03/2024 15:34

The fact you want to continue the pregnancy proves you aren’t thinking about the unborn child already. Why would you want that man to co parent your child? He will make yours and the child’s life hell on earth. Do you really want him in your life for the next 20 years?

Put the child first and don’t do this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/03/2024 15:37

if he wants to be involved, then fine

Is it though? He’s toxic and controlling from your description, is that what you want in yours, a baby’s, your other kids lives?

Sausagesinthesky · 25/03/2024 15:37

Is there a realistic chance he could find out ? Do you live in the same town?

DisforDarkChocolate · 25/03/2024 15:39

I think you need to consider that if you continue and he finds out he will use the situation to abuse and control you.

kittybiscuits · 25/03/2024 15:39

I think if you're confident that you want to continue with the pregnancy AND that you will never go back to him, you should do it. You obviously have a good support network. I wouldn't tell him anything. If he finds out you're pregnant, tell him you met someone else straight away and it's not your ex's baby. Obviously it would be the worst of all worlds to continue the pregnancy and return to an abusive relationship.

twitternotx · 25/03/2024 15:46

Why would you want a shit like that in your life and your baby's life?

Keep the pregnancy as a single parent and don't tell him, or have a TOP.

Definitely don't tell him.

Jellycats4life · 25/03/2024 15:50

I think it would be very unwise to bring a child into this world that has him for a father, not to mention the continued toll on your life (and your other children’s lives) if you have his baby.

You’ll never be free of him.

Bingowingo1 · 25/03/2024 16:02

'if he wants to be involved, then fine'.

Is it really? With two kids already I'd terminate and put this relationship behind you.

Jb197806 · 25/03/2024 16:43

Keep well away from him and raise that baby alone, it will be much better with just a loving mother. who knows how much a man like that could mess up a child

Ihadenough22 · 25/03/2024 16:58

I think that you need to look at the bigger picture here. Your boyfriend is abusive and ended things with you a week ago. He blocked you on his phone ect.
You already got pregnant with him and he made you get an abortion. This man does not want children as in his life he has to be 1st always. He keep finding some woman who is gullible enough to get involved with him and then it all her fault when they break up.
A mean, nasty abusive man like him won't change and they don't care about what they do.

The truth is if you keep this pregnancy it not going to make him come back to you. If you keep this pregnancy your going to have this man in your life long term.
Why would you do this to yourself, a baby and your other children when you already know what he is like? Is this what you want for the next 20 year's of your life?

You already have an 8 and 9 year old and you need to consider their happiness and future as well. I know that an abortion is not an easy choice to make but in your circumstances I would have one.

I would go on the freedom program to help you find a better relationship in the future. Being honest your better off as woman to be single than being with an abusive man especially when you already have children.

ThreeLocusts · 25/03/2024 17:46

Keep the child if you can't face an abortion, but fgs keep that utter shit you call ex-bf out of it. Mocking you for having reacted emotionally to aborting his child? I've heard few things this awful.

And have a word with yourself. You shouldn't want to tell him anything. If you can't keep him at bay, you'll be better off terminating.

GrazingSheep · 25/03/2024 17:48

Your poor children.

Neverpostagain · 25/03/2024 17:53

Seriously don't have this child. This isn't about you and what you want anymore. You have two children. Don't knowingly bring an abusive man into their lives.

NoMoreEventsToday · 25/03/2024 17:54

AperolWhore · 25/03/2024 15:34

The fact you want to continue the pregnancy proves you aren’t thinking about the unborn child already. Why would you want that man to co parent your child? He will make yours and the child’s life hell on earth. Do you really want him in your life for the next 20 years?

Put the child first and don’t do this.

Edited

I think this post sums it up completely

Think about your existing children. Think about what kind of life this new child would have with him as either an abusive parent or an absent one.

Don't have an abortion if you don't want one, but think it through very carefully

Illpickthatup · 25/03/2024 17:54

If you're planning to continue with the pregnancy perhaps wait until your 12 week scan then tell him. If he comes back at you with abuse just block him. You've done your bit by informing him.

Hagpie · 25/03/2024 17:59

If it was me and I had made my mind up that I was going to keep the pregnancy, I just wouldn’t tell him. What he did before was unforgivable; do NOT give this man an in.

MariaLuna · 25/03/2024 18:02

You already have two young, vulnerable, children whose safety and happiness mum’s abusive boyfriend puts into jeopardy.

This. Your poor children having to put up with this shit of a man in their lives.
They won't be thanking you as adults.

Viviennemary · 25/03/2024 18:02

He sounds absolutely horrible. I don't think you should start the relationship again. I agree with not even telling him if you do decide to keep the baby. He sounds totally toxic.

MariaLuna · 25/03/2024 18:05

If it was me and I had made my mind up that I was going to keep the pregnancy, I just wouldn’t tell him.

He'll find out. And if not, what would you tell the child when they are old enough to query who their dad is?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 25/03/2024 18:08

I can’t believe people are suggesting not telling him, absolutely appalling 😳. Yes this man is a clearly a piece of work but this should be about the child, not the man. Could you really look your adult child in the eye and tell them that you denied them a relationship with their father?