Husband wants to split up

[missushbbb]

I'm distraught. I feel sick can't sleep or eat. He's told me he doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore. We've slept apart over the years as I was a terrible sleeper, it was supposed to be a temporary thing then when we had kids it kept going. I realise now this was a terrible idea and between that and busy lives with the kids, we've become co parents rather than a couple. I'm desperate to keep trying but he seems decided. Kids are 6 and 11. I feel I will never get over this and worst of all it's all my own fault.

He could have come to you about the separate sleeping if he wasn't happy...and oc you could too. Anymore signs beforehand?

It'll be more than the separate beds surely. What has he said?

Sorry to hear you are going though this. Has you DP said that the sleeping arrangements have directly caused this and in turn the lack of sex that probably comes with it. He could have broached this with you when it became a problem and so it’s not all your fault.

I am sorry this has happened.

What things have you both done to remain close in the last few years? Have either of you tried to address the ‘just co parents situation’ ?

Edited, apologies, wrong thread!

Why is it your fault only? He's the one who doesn't want to try?

How do you know it's the sleeping arrangements? Has he tried to fix it if he didn't like it?

Also, he might have met someone else, that sleeping arrangement seems a bit weak

We've spoke about the sleeping apart before, in my head it was always temporary. I should have realised he was so against it but it got to the point with the kids we just needed to sleep. Now he is saying he didn't know any better as we've been together for so long. I'm heartbroken and feel like I can't survive this. Can't stop crying

I feel ashamed and embarrassed, and that it's my fault he's ended up so unhappy

Everything is 50/50.

Its not all your fault.

Thanks for the replies. He keeps saying that I choose this, I kept him at a distance. I did say he could have came in to my bed and told me how unhappy he was sleeping apart. He then says it's both our fault. But all down to me at the start choosing to sleep separately. I'm sick to the stomach at the thought I have caused this situation.

He also said at one point he wanted to be himself and meet someone who actually wants him. I've made it clear I want him but just going round in circles.

What doesn’t he know any better about? Has he given you a clear explaination and a reason why you can’t both work to stay together? I hate to say it but men don’t usually leave unless they have someone else lined up 💔 I’m sorry op but this may be a possibility

It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. It's not your fault. Sad as it is, maybe it's the end of the road. Is he still communicating with you? Take care of you for now. Can you speak to a friend in life or family?
Sleeping separately Can work really well for some couples but it needs to be something both want.

It cannot just be because you sleep apart. Do you have sex? Do you hang out in the evenings together? Do you go out together?

Oh op, I’m sorry you are going through this. Please don’t take all of the blame on to yourself. If a relationship breaks down then both partners have to take responsibility. It’s rarely one person’s fault only.

If separate rooms are the main issue then he should have discussed it with you like an adult, and why is he splitting up just when you are emerging from the very intense infant parenting years just as your youngest turns six?

It’s also very natural for relationships to suffer during the very hands on intense parenting years and if he doesn’t understand that and be supportive then maybe he is not such a loss anyway.

There has to be more to this. If he still cared about you and loved you I'm sure things could work out with different sleeping arrangements from here on in.

It can't be just that that's caused the breakdown of your relationship surely?

We've not been intimate for a while. I try and cuddle him but he is quite cold. He's said he walks about naked and I'm not interested- I said I felt insecure and I did want him I just didn't know how to show it as it's been so long and we've been so distant. He sits I a separate room when the kids have gone to bed, watching the tv himself

My heart breaks for you as you clearly want this to work, but also for him. I was him - my ExH wanted separate rooms, but I'm a physical touch person and felt so rejected, unwanted, like it made a mockery of our marriage. Separate sleeping can be great if both partners agree. But I felt like I'd be a cow for making his sleep worse. He said I could always come to see him, but it wasn't the same. He just wanted me to be a mother and housewife, didn't want me. It killed my feelings for him and when they're gone, it can be so hard to get them back. So I don't agree when people say "he must have someone else" etc; maybe he w wants better, as you'd both want for your children. But I really hope he agrees to work with you and see if you can rescue your marriage. I also agree that it takes 2, and I should have spoken up more forcefully about how the separate sleeping and lack of sex made me feel so unwanted and was killing my feelings, but I didn't feel I had the right to at the time.

Go and look up Dr Psych Mom. Her articles and reels could help you rescue yours situation by truly empathising with how he feels, and showing him how you feel.

He’s using the bed situation as an excuse for leaving. He’s already checked out.

He sounds quite self centred. You need your sleep to function and he’s trying to blame it on that.

Has he spoken up at all, before now?

It sounds like he has checked out

It's a sad situation op and I hope your ok but just like women are allowed to leave a relationship for any reason they want so are men.

How very convenient for him to blame you for everything
He made a commitment to you and he owes it to you to communicate when he is unhappy in the relationship and to work on it.
He doesn't get to decide it's over and blame you! He needs to take responsibility for his own role in the demise of the relationship and for his unilateral decision.
He's probably met someone else but even if he hasn't, I think you should hold your head up high and let him leave. Don't beg and plead and blame yourself.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is OW on the scene, even if nothing physical has happened yet.

He expected you to get turned on by him walking around naked 😂😂😂😂 what a joke!

Just reading your posts makes
me so angry on your behalf.

Hes part of the marriage too. And he’s not taking any responsibility for it. He should have piped up a while ago if that’s how he feels.

Hi op so sorry this is happening to you.
It's not all your fault at all. A relationship is 50/50 I'm sorry but I think he's checked out of the marriage.