Husband wants to split up

[missushbbb]

I'm distraught. I feel sick can't sleep or eat. He's told me he doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore. We've slept apart over the years as I was a terrible sleeper, it was supposed to be a temporary thing then when we had kids it kept going. I realise now this was a terrible idea and between that and busy lives with the kids, we've become co parents rather than a couple. I'm desperate to keep trying but he seems decided. Kids are 6 and 11. I feel I will never get over this and worst of all it's all my own fault.

I love seeing DP naked, doesn’t walk around the house naked as we have an 11 year old living here and DP is quite shy, but if I’m in the bedroom when he gets out of the shower I love to give him compliments. And he does the same to me.

I wa thinking the same, the pp twisted it as much as possible to try to make it his fault. When it’s not even about fault.it is what it is. And from what I can see, until the moment he said it’s over, the op wasn’t about to change anything, she was going to continue as is. It’s only when he said enough, she decided she could try.

I say the above; old flame/friend at work. Look after yourself and start checking your finances /assets.

Sorry, what's my assumption? OP states they sit separately.

If you've forgotten the context, I suggest you re-read the post to which you chimed in in reply.

And I suggest you actually read what I wrote.

Your friends are still together for now.
If both parties are happy then crack on. If one person in the relationship is struggling with it then it will be miserable marriage

Yes, sorry that was my point, really but I wasn't clear. For some, this is fine but not for others.

It is not not sleeping in the same bed. Its much more. Please don't beg.

Op. I'm really sorry you are going through this and I hope you're ok. Please don't blame yourself. We all get caught up in life it doesn't mean we've done something bad or wrong but mostly we can learn from these things if given the opportunity and it doesn't sound like you was given the opportunity to work on these issues in advance of this sudden announcement. Hubby walking around naked might of been his way of trying to speak to you but in fairness to you how could you know this. Especially if he was walking around naked whilst you're up to your eyes in washing or chores. Had he have sat you down and been clear in his issues then I'm sure you would have heard him (as you have now) and I really think you need to stick up for yourself here. Don't be the scapegoat. I think you need to talk but op please have the confidence in yourself not to cave into accusations or take all of the responsibility on your shoulders. This isn't just about what he wants.. what do you want ? I think you should explain to him that you hear him and you want to resolve the problems and there's no reason at all why you can't re connect. Wishing you all the best. X

There will be more to it than that. People sleep apart for years. Some credit it with even saving their marriage.

She’s already said there is more to it, he didn’t want seperate beds, she did and said it was temporary, but her youngest is 6 and her oldest is 11, they haven’t had sex for years, and they sit separately of an evening.

I’m always surprised when someone is shocked their partner wants to end a relationship even though they sleep in separate rooms, haven’t had sex for years, and don’t do anything together. Your marriage has likely been over for a long time and you haven’t realised it. Has he, or you, at any point, indicated dissatisfaction with the situation and wanted it to change? On some level are you unsurprised? Sometimes the biggest surprise is that they got up the courage to say something. By the time that actually happens they’ve been thinking about it for months or even years. I was in your DH’s shoes a decade ago, and we split up. Were both much happier, and the kids are happy because we’re much more present with them. Would you really have spent the rest of your days in separate rooms like ships passing in the night?

Has he, or you, at any point, indicated dissatisfaction with the situation and wanted it to change?

From what she says he has complained about the situation over the years but to no avail. It's come as a surprise to her that he's now given up.