Partner tells me off for being on my phone

[Juliennehen]

They have an issue with me using my phone whether it's when I'm a passenger in the car and they're driving, or whether it's when we are sat on the sofa relaxing in the evenings after dinner, kids bedtime.

They're ex had an emotional affair, messaging another guy, my ex did the same so I understand the betrayal and how it could affect someone but I'm feeling quite like a child in the situation.

We were just sat down, he was watching a film I wasn't interested in, and I was actually on here looking into child related matters (as I had put my child to bed a bit earlier tonight and didn't make them go for their last wee) and he just looked at me and said 'You're unreal, on your phone again'. I didnt know what to say, so went quiet and then after a few minutes he asked me what was wrong but I didn't answer as I don't want confrontation and then he's just gone to bed.

Not sure what to do, this has happened before. We have just moved in together about 7weeks ago.

I know, you comment as you see fit and I'll do the same.

I think it is quite antisocial to sit and have an evening with a partner and then be doing that.
I'd say 'right I'm having a good scroll now' and separate it from quality time with him, but make sure you do also do phone free quality time

Fortunately the Op left him around the end of April.

Just seen these, thank you for saying that.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum you are incredibly patronising

I think some people don't understand not feeling like you have freedom

How are you getting on now ?
Is the house sale progressing ?

Well done, OP, that must have taken a lot of strength.

I have been very fortunate to have a house that we moved into quickly, the old house has just gone on the market and offers have been made.

With moving house I had to do the heavy work on my own mainly and this resulted in my hernia strangulating, which meant emergency surgery to save my bowel.

So I've had 2wks not working (4 days in hospital) and tomorrow I go back to work (with the ex) so I'm hoping things go ok. I will look for other work but my current job offers the best hours for my situation so I'd prefer to not make any more brash decisions....

I also am due to start a freedom program this week.

I feel very ashamed of myself for making such a stupid mistake. I had to make it right even though it meant being subject to messages/backlash from the ex/boss and my child's father.

Don't be so hard on yourself, OP. Onward and upward! Wishing you all the very best.

Very happy to hear that you moved out. I'm so sorry to hear about your surgery but glad you are on the mend.

Hopefully the nightmare with your exes will be in distant past soon and well done for signing up for the freedom program.

After what I've experienced would you say I need to avoid meeting someone new for a while?

I went on OLD and met someone and had a few dates with them over the last 2 weeks.

We both get on great (& no red flags) and I've told him if we get into a relationship then I will be taking things very slowly due to my past relationship.

Are you all going to tell me I'm stupid now?

Yes.

😂👌🏼

LOL im sorry for the flippancy. Seriously though, you deserve a bit of fun but dont get too much into it too soon. You know that already though!

Yeah I know, I think I'm one of these people who likes being in relationships. I have spent a good few years single before I met my child's dad.

With being on the freedom program I'm learning so much about the patterns and way in which abuse starts and happens.

I have made it very clear I won't be changing my life in any way for the foreseeable.

I know im overthinking and not just going with the flow which is likely going to increase the chances of something going wrong!

My ex/boss is now giving me my notice at work as 'he wants nothing to do with me anymore' so I need to get a new job which I'm sure I'll manage, hopefully I won't have a gap between work.

But this man was texting me last night (blocked on WhatsApp) saying how he's done everything for me and how I'm so horrible, and ends on the sentence 'all I can do is think about topping myself'.

I told the support agency who help with the abuse etc and they reassured me that I'm not responsible for him and I also checked with him if I should tell someone about what he just said so he gets help but he said no.

So gets to tonight and he's emailing my personal email, saying that I have mental issues because he's been told I'm messaging 3 people and that I'm desperate etc. I have had a couple of new people on my social media which I've exchanged (non flirty/sexual) messages with 2 of them, and it's a small town so I do believe him but even so what business is it to do with him. He's emailed me about 10 times tonight, about my social media usage, and other things which aren't important. I've told him many times tonight to leave me alone and he's harassing me and he's told me to get a grip and that he's genuinely concerned for my mental health.

This is starting to really get to me now. I was just trying to have a nice evening with my family and he ruins it and puts me on edge.

Block and delete, everywhere

if he ever suggests suicide again call the police / ambulance.

I don’t know, I think sitting staring at your phone is rude.

If I’m with my partner and we’ve put a film (or a shared favourite programme) on to watch together, I’d feel pretty sad if he sat with his head buried in his phone. We’re no longer doing a shared activity or spending time together. If we’re just zoning out to rubbish and both scrolling / ordering something / doing something vaguely useful – then not so bad.

It seems like it’s something that bothers him. If it’s a habit you’re not prepared to give up, then you need to just communicate this once and for all so he’s no longer expecting you to GAF that it’s bothering him.

Woah just seen latest update – seems like a fair bit more has happened in the last 5 pages. (Not RFT) I guess the phone thing is not the issue here

What's RFT?
It was never about phones, it's about control.

Have you tried telling him to just fuck off? I think you’d find it very liberating.

You have to talk to him OP. You need to sort this problem out before it gets worse.
“if you’re watching a film that you enjoy but I don’t then I’m just going to have a browse on my phone”
if he has a problem with that then that is a serious red flag, either way you should be able to communicate with each other regardless.

@Loveydoveyduck

This was started in March, if you read the Op's updates - by clicking ' see all ' in almost the bottom right hand corner...