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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner keeps leaving me

121 replies

CoralSwan · 11/03/2024 23:58

Hi…
I have been with my partner for 2 years. I have counted that in those 2 years, he has packed his things and left me 30 times. I can’t even tell you what most of these things were about. What I can tell you is, I don’t lie to him, I’ve never cheated on him or betrayed him. I like to think I’m a nice girlfriend. I like to cook, I’m introverted, don’t go out a lot, love planning to do things with him, I don’t have many guy friends and the ones I do have are gay…I sit and think to myself sometimes, what is wrong with me?! I’m not perfect just like any other person, but I do my best as a partner and haven’t committed any atrocities against him. Why does he keep doing this?!

OP posts:
CannotBelieveImAskingThis · 12/03/2024 00:01

Because you're letting him come back.

OP, what would you say if a friend said that their boyfriend had left 30 times in 2 years? That's more than once a month! It's time for you to stop letting this emotionally abusive man back into your life. This time, pack his things for him, and get him out of your life for good.

You can do this.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 12/03/2024 00:02

That is manipulation and can be a sign of emotional abuse. It's like a control tactic to keep you anxious so that you do what he wants as you get worried he will leave. Then you become 'addicted' to the rollercoaster. Does this happen after arguments? It's not healthy OP. You need to take back your power because this relationship doesn't sound healthy, I'm sorry to say

BarbieDangerous · 12/03/2024 00:03

Next time he leaves, don’t let him come back

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 12/03/2024 00:04

There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s all him. Not sure why you let him back either?

Runnerinthenight · 12/03/2024 00:05

Get rid! He's not worth it!

ThisGoldHedgehog · 12/03/2024 00:06

Why are you letting someone treat you like this?!

Also, if you want, you can have straight male friends, go out and not cook. Those things aren’t requirements of a ‘nice girlfriend’.

Original poster
CoralSwan · 12/03/2024 00:07

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 12/03/2024 00:04

There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s all him. Not sure why you let him back either?

Probably because it’s worn me down over time…Sometimes I look in the mirror and believe I deserve no one

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 12/03/2024 00:08

CoralSwan · 12/03/2024 00:07

Probably because it’s worn me down over time…Sometimes I look in the mirror and believe I deserve no one

Show quote history

He's an arsehole! Why would you put up with this?!

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 12/03/2024 00:08

That is because he has torn apart your self esteem. You need freedom from him and counselling. Google the Freedom Programme. You'll be ok xx

Runnerinthenight · 12/03/2024 00:09

You certainly don't deserve him!! POS!

Original poster
CoralSwan · 12/03/2024 00:09

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 12/03/2024 00:08

That is because he has torn apart your self esteem. You need freedom from him and counselling. Google the Freedom Programme. You'll be ok xx

I’ve read that book…would you believe

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 12/03/2024 00:09

Read it again.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/03/2024 00:10

why do you keep allowing him to come back ?

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 12/03/2024 00:11

Don’t let him come back next time. Or better yet end the relationship yourself. You absolutely deserve better than this.

chrisfromcardiff · 12/03/2024 00:11

CoralSwan · 11/03/2024 23:58

Hi…
I have been with my partner for 2 years. I have counted that in those 2 years, he has packed his things and left me 30 times. I can’t even tell you what most of these things were about. What I can tell you is, I don’t lie to him, I’ve never cheated on him or betrayed him. I like to think I’m a nice girlfriend. I like to cook, I’m introverted, don’t go out a lot, love planning to do things with him, I don’t have many guy friends and the ones I do have are gay…I sit and think to myself sometimes, what is wrong with me?! I’m not perfect just like any other person, but I do my best as a partner and haven’t committed any atrocities against him. Why does he keep doing this?!

The more important question is why you keep letting him. Move yourself out and mean it, or next time he leaves, tell him not to come back and change the locks. This is a horrible cycle and borders on him abusing you.

PaminaMozart · 12/03/2024 00:11

He keeps leaving you because you always take him back.

And every time you cave in you lose something of yourself. Which is what feeds his ego.

hellsBells246 · 12/03/2024 00:11

Because he's a complete dickhead? Because he doesn't have the emotional maturity to discuss how he feels?
Because he's a controlling arsehole?

Do the freedom programme AGAIN.

And dump him.

You deserve so much better z

Polominty · 12/03/2024 00:12

Better to ask yourself the questions
Why do I keep taking back my partner who has walked out on me 30 times in the last 2 years?
Why do I blame myself instead of believing I deserve better and bin him off?

mathanxiety · 12/03/2024 00:12

Has he left you right now?

If so, block him on your phone and all your social media.

Enjoy the silence.

Toblerbone · 12/03/2024 00:13

He's doing it as a way to keep you in line. So that you never challenge him or get cross with him as you're worried it will make him leave.

Pixiesgirl · 12/03/2024 00:16

Lookup trauma bond. He is doing this to always keep you on your toes and ensure you never bring up any problems you have with him. You will be so grateful he returns that he can just do what the fuck he wants. Also more than a chance he's involved with others and these "leavings"coincide with having to breadcrumb those a bit to keep them on the hook (cynical I know).

Original poster
CoralSwan · 12/03/2024 00:18

Toblerbone · 12/03/2024 00:13

He's doing it as a way to keep you in line. So that you never challenge him or get cross with him as you're worried it will make him leave.

Would you believe I actually do challenge him. I do stand up for myself. I know how to communicate what is right and wrong.

OP posts:
Toblerbone · 12/03/2024 00:19

And when you stand up for yourself, is that when he walks out?

Ofcourseshecan · 12/03/2024 00:49

PaminaMozart · 12/03/2024 00:11

He keeps leaving you because you always take him back.

And every time you cave in you lose something of yourself. Which is what feeds his ego.

I was about to say the same thing. He keeps doing it because it works. He throws a tantrum, walks out, causes you a lot of upset, then you take him back. It's his little monthly ego trip. And he's grinding you down.

Please do yourself a favour and leave him permanently.

Tarquina · 12/03/2024 00:54

This is yet another thread in which a woman points the finger at herself or looks in the mirror trying to work out what's wrong with her, when in fact it's the man who is behaving in a horrible way