This isn't a partnership. To have left you 30 times in 2 years .... your relationship hasn't settled for long enough to call it BF/GF, let alone a partership.
There is nothing wrong with you, other than your self esteem is low and you're allowing an abusive man to abuse you. And the more he does it, the lower you feel, and the more likely he is to do it again.
He knows what he's doing. But let's face it... whether or not he's abusing you intentionally, this relationship isn't working. It isn't making you happy. It's making you unhappy and damaging your self esteem. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that? You would be 1000 times happier single.
The whole point of a relationship is to make (both your) life better. You each support the other, share the emotional and physical burden, delight in each other, have each others' back when things are hard, show your love and care and respect for each other in all you do.
This is not a good relationship. It isn't a partnership. It is bad for you. And he won't get better. He will likely get worse. And the more ground down you are, the less likely you are to see the wood for the trees, and to have the strength to get rid of him.
So do it now. Now is the best time. Now - you are seeing him for who he is. He's a defective man who isn't capable of a grown up, respectful, loving relationship. The sooner you get rid, the sooner you can get your life and your happiness back. The sooner your home will be calm and happy. The sooner you can stiop wasting your life and your wellbeing on him. The sooner you can start rebuilding yourself, back to the real you.
And then take some time, take time to rebuild and to get your self esteem back where it deserves to be. Take time to understand why you put up with his nonsense the first time he left, and every time after. Take time to develop your self worth, and to decide that you will only date in the future, and will only commit to someone, if they treat you right and make you happy.