Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Depends what you're looking for and the person TBH. Back in the ye olde days when I met my now exH, it was always three dates.

@Bestlife18 interesting and quite relatable!

I already know about a pushback trend against the apps in under 25s who generally prefer to meet in RL and if online than far more likely on gaming/streaming sites rather than specifically dating…

It’s interesting isn’t is @RadiantRainbow makes me feel as if it’s maybe not just me being a few years older and now completely repulsive to all men 🤣

Just returned from my date today. I find it so awkward when I instantly know I could never be attracted to them. For me, attraction usually grows the more I see a person, so it is rare for someone I've liked in photos to leave me completely cold. But yeah, nothing at all. I'm looking forward to my date Thursday; i have another tomorrow evening which I'm feeling lukewarm on. Overall just finding the experience quite meh. I think I'll take a break if I don't want any second dates after Thursday.

I think there's a huge amount of fatigue and cynicism with the apps now. I find the amount of conversations that go dead is absolutely enormous. They can be very demoralising and damage your self esteem if you're not careful.

As for sex, it's a personal thing, for me wouldn't be before date 4 but I often feel under pressure to do it before I want to

That’s fair, I’m trying to spend more time with friends and on my hobbies so that I’m fulfilling my life when I haven’t got my children. The crush on my date/friend came out of left field.
I hope your other dates are more promising, even the one you feel meh about

So I haven't heard from my date from last night at all today 🥴
I replied to a message this morning from one he sent back but so far not had a reply. When I checked my phone earlier I did see he was online so, recognising trends with others on here, I'm sort of thinking this isn't looking good 😔
That being said I o ow he is at work today, but still, kind feel like leaving it a whole day a day after a date is a bit of a message in its self maybe.... hopefully im wrong :(

I’m not sure @blacksocks33, I think sometimes people try to play it cool - hang on in there and see what happens

Thank you! It's a difficult balancing act isn't it, I have got such a good single life for myself with friends and hobbies that now a bad date feels like such an enormous waste of time! But it's definitely good to have a happy life before you get into dating I think

@Mountainormolehills I think if I haven't Heard by this time tomorrow I'll just have to write it off.
I'm a bit suprised tbh... i didn't think he'd be the type to ghost necessarily but you never know do you! But he doesn't normally not reply all day long.... will see 🤷🏼‍♀️

@blacksocks33 I don't want to be a negative nelly but that's what happened to me after the 7th date though - thought it went well, we'd always had conversations and didn't go an entire day without messaging and then poof, he vanished! I am hoping yours isn't like that though. Or at least if he wasn't feeling it, he'll have the courtesy to say so.

At least if he is a ghoster then the trash has taken itself out, as I think the youth say.

I did it the wrong way round, got into dating, had some real duds and put up with being treated awfully. So I put a stop to it and just kept a couple of FWB who are very nice but not relationship material for me. But I was seeing my friends before, I’m just prioritising them and my hobbies over dating. It’s not too late to do the same

@ouchitstings ahhh yes I did see you previous post!
It's just awful isn't it... dating makes you feels so many emotion! Im already drained 🥴

@blacksocks33

Hopefully he will reply soon. It was sounding so hopeful. It's just such a rollercoaster of emotions. I know I've said this before but for me it's consistency re messaging that is telling so if they go from being really responsive to leaving a longer period of time between messages it generally doesn't bode well.

But you never know, and even if it doesn't go anywhere at least you went despite feeling anxious about it and had a good time. I know I had to really challenge myself to go on the first one,

I was so super anxious it was ridiculous but I did it and whilst it's still verynerve wracking I kind of think if I keep on trying it will eventually get a bit easier and maybe help with anxiety more generally.

I haven't heard that before, the trash has taken itself out, great saying!

Aww thank you, you're so right!
We've had a really great couple of dates, and he isn't big in the text, but I'd have just liked to have heard from him today 🤷🏼‍♀️ I find it weird no quick text seeing that we saw eachother yesterday and I think what's playing on my mind was it being so awkward saying goodbye last night 🙈
I guess I'll just have to be patient!

Following. What's your view if after dating a bit, you have both agreed to take STD tests before sex. Would this mean exclusivity?

Only if both also agree on not sleeping with other people in the future. Taking regular std tests is basic level

@friendswiththemonstera yes I definitely found that two weeks in for me, with so much ghosting, dates being set up then cancelled, it was really demoralising. I’ve taken a break from it whilst I figure out my POA! I won’t be bothering with paying for hinge or bumble again that is for sure!

@blacksocks33 is this the same bloke who was a bit slow to reply after the last date? See what happens tomorrow.

I had another date with local shop man and its a definite no now. He smelt of BO for a start that made me want to vomit. But it also became clear he's another one who doesn't actually do a lot and I suspect that I'd end up having to entertain him a lot. Urgh. I need to do a polite thanks but no thanks text.

This is something I feel like is a me problem though. A few of my hobbies and interests are quite introverted. But I enjoy going out as well and want someone to go out and do fun stuff with.

@Pepsimaxedout some of my hobbies are ones that are introverted and tbh I wouldn’t think that you necessarily want to share hobbies, you just want them to have a bit of a life, which is fair.
At least you found out quickly and it’s on your radar. I don’t like people who are workaholics but also I don’t like the ones who do nothing, there’s surely a happy medium?

@Mountainormolehills I just want a bloke to have a bit of get up and go about themselves. I mentioned today about being out for a walk and he looked at me like I had two heads, asking me why I liked to walk. Clearly he would not be joining me for any then!

That’s crazy @Pepsimaxedout ! I had a year of saying yes once I became single to force myself to do different things and it’s been great. So I like friends who have the same zest and energy, and if I decide that I want to date then they will need to do something different than slumping on the sofa every night (fine sometimes obviously but not all the time). My friend/crush goes to a film club every week and does loads of different things with work and outside of work too which I find really attractive in a person.

@Pepsimaxedout yes it is! He works a long day on a Sunday so, in hindsight, I shouldn't really expect anything.. but I think because we've caught up on Saturday both times, I've felt a bit vulnerable and second guessing on Sunday 🙈
Anyway, he's text, been at work, really friendly and asked when I'm next free. So the lesson is.... k need to calm down a bit 😂
God I bet you guys think I'm so needy, which honestly is not the case! But I just find this dating world SO confusing and don't really confide in my RL friends because they are all coupled and just don't get it 🙈
It's nice to have the support here 😊

@Mountainormolehills this is exactly what I'm like. I've tried loads of different clubs and different things. Not a lot has stuck but for me it's more about trying something new. I'm decorating my house as well so that keeps me busy.

The other bloke I'm chatting to seems to have a similar attitude, so I have my fingers crossed with him. We've got a date lined up for next weekend.