Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@blacksocks33 have you been chatting with your date at all, as in do you know much about them already?

I've just been on 4 dates now and I've generally asked about them, shown interest in whatever I already know that I think will start a conversation and it has worked, maybe a bit too well as in I've heard the full life history of at least 2 of them.

But also very telling whether they reciprocate and are interested to know anything about me. Fair to say the two where I know their life history definitely left without knowing very much about me at all!

Good Luck, you'll need to update us!

Good luck @blacksocks33 I hope your date goes well! Well first, don't have to feel it's all on you to carry a convo. It takes two. If he's keen, he will make an effort and help with the conversation.

I always find it a good sign if the other person doesn't take themselves too seriously and jokes around (within reason) a bit. It adds levity to the convo and makes things lighter and it's easier to chat.

Just remember, it's also on him to create an interesting convo. You don't have to do all the work.

Absolutely agree it's definitely not all on you to create a conversation and if it's not reciprocal on date 1 then it says a lot really. So easier to put a boundary in place and not to want to progress to date 2! At least for me it has been.

Hopefully he will be chatty and it will just flow easily.

Have you been to any IRL stuff? I was contemplating paying for speed dating rather than wasting another month’s subscription!!

@Mckittens @cassiatwenty aww thank you both!
Yes you're both totally right. I get social anxiety outside of saying, so I'm like this whenever I'm around new people 🙈
We've been chatting for a few weeks and this isn't our first date 😊

I have been to a cooking dating event and also a wine tasting. Actually these were really good because I enjoyed the activities. But didn't remotely fancy any of the men! I came to the conclusion I barely fancy anyone 😃

I wouldn't mind trying speed-dating and am in London, so theoretically there should be plenty of places that do this.

Good luck on your date @blacksocks33!

Nah, I've got two blokes I'm chatting to/arranged dates with currently. If nothing comes to pass with them I'm leaving it for a while. I CBA with it TBH.

After some internal back and forth. I must have added and then deleted the apps about 3 times over the last few weeks, I’m now in.
I’ve joined Hinge and Bumble. Been chatting to a few on Hinge but conversations seems to either after a day or two or just stay really light. It’s not that I think a few and meaningful conversation is the right path but also if I ask a question about something reasonably unremarkable then a swerved answer like “it’s not the destination that’s important, it’s the company” feels like an easy nothing answer. It’s not like I’m asking for his PIN number!!
Mind you it’s keeping me happily occupied so I’ll keep chatting to Mr Vague 😂

@blacksocks33 good luck on your date

That's made me laugh @Nosierosi

I totally relate to the on off will I delete - will I keep going internal debate.

I'm still navigating it all really. I rarely come across a profile I'm drawn to but I did spot one earlier but it was Match and I often don't swipe right on Match immediately when I first spot someone.
They had very recently liked my profile.

Went back half an hour later to swipe right and send them a quick message and they'd gone. All the other ones were still there so can only think they'd liked me, then seen I'd viewed their profile and not liked them back and they'd then swiped left on me. But that's crazy right? Or is that what people do and I should just be swiping immediately?

@blacksocks33 I totally get the social anxiety thing, just try and enjoy it for you 😊

Can't believe I missed this! Hope all goes well for tonight! I also hate trying to find decent conversation starters but in my experience if the company is good the conversation flows easily.

@lizkt actually I have been looking at wine tasting. I think a guy just may have attempted to chat me up in an ice cream place haha but I too have come to the conclusion I also CBA. I totally get the other people who commented saying they are undecided whether to bother or not.

@Pepsimaxedout good luck with it. I have never been so disheartened as I have been this last month. I think for my own sanity now I need a month off and focusing on friends and interests.

I have a date tomorrow evening but I'm really most excited about a date I'm going on Thursday. The guy is really interesting and we have loads in common. Fingers crossed there is chemistry...

@friendswiththemonstera nice to have options! Good luck

I have to admit OLD has required a lot more mental and emotional energy than I every anticipated. I thought it would be that I would message a bloke, we'd chat for a bit and arrange a date. Then have a nice time.

Nah, you've got to wade through weirdo random sex pests to get someone normal to message. You can't meet for a fortnight cos you're already booked up this weekend and he has his kids next weekend. There's a whole weird text exchange for that fortnight where you need to show you're still interested, but not get too invested. If he doesn't text you one night, you start panicking that he's not interested anymore. Then when you do finally meet, he's actually a bit of a twat. 🙄And the process repeats.

Urgh.

This exactly!! And when you can’t meet for a week or two, you make plans and poof they disappear! I have found as well this time round, loads of guys have 50/50 with absolutely no childcare provision so inflexible and older guys whose kids are older tell ME that I don’t have time for them and “they’ve been where I am now”. The cheeky sods have no clue how much free time I do or don’t have!

So I've just got back from my date.
It was really lovely, chatting all night. Ended up being out for 6.5 hours!!'
The only thing I'm not sure about is that I noticed he went a bit quiet on the way back and then I thought he might kiss me at the end but it was just a hug.... am I being friend zoned or is he shy??
Feeling very unsure tbh!
Otherwise lovely guy and really enjoyed his company!

@blacksocks33 glad it went well. See what happens tonight/tomorrow if you hear anything else from him. But fingers crossed for you.

Aww blacksocks33 I'm so glad it went well for you! Lovely update

He might just be shy about the first kiss.

I’d say he most probably didn’t want to be assumptive and go in for a kiss. I can’t imagine he’d have spent all that time with you if he wasn’t interested. Fingers crossed!!!

I’ve been dating a guy 2 months we met on Hinge. He seemed very keen and to move very fast, I’ve been a bit more wary as being in an abusive relationship I am hyper aware of everything. We went away abroad together last weekend for his birthday (probably little soon but on a whim I said yeah) since we’ve been back he’s had to work long shifts and it seems like he’s lost interest. On holiday he called me his partner and his gf even though we’ve not had that talk. Then when we weee leaving airport home he got a hinge notification and I’ve been freaking out about it since :(

@Bestlife18 @NervesOfCotton @Pepsimaxedout

Yeah I think you're all right, I think he doesn't seem that forward in that sense, which I guess isn't a problem! Quite sweet really. He text me when he got home which I appreciated.

Oh bless you, that seems like a lot of mixed signals from him! Would you ask him about where you stand/the hinge message etc?

@blacksocks33 I’m seeing him on Monday so really want to bring myself to ask him, although I will probably shut down. Spiralling a little tonight and wanting to message him but think it’s going to be better face to face