Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well it turns out Mr Tea is either as thick as mince or has the memory span of a goldfish with dementia 🤦‍♀️

After asking if I was free the weekend I told him anytime except Sunday he’s come back saying ‘you up to meet Sunday?’

I don’t think I’ve got the patience or tolerance for these man children anymore. I’m too old to deal with muppets

I think you did the right thing - it sounded so intense and needy. It made me feel exhausted just reading about it! Also, noone with a full and happy life would be looking forward THAT much to a first date in my view... I always have mixed feelings about a first date even if I think I might really like them.

Reminds me of my most recent ex who at the start of our relationship would travel for 1.5 hours just to ride the train home with me after a night out and sleep next to me then travel 1.5 hours back to his first thing in the morning for work. My friend cautioned me that he had no life and it would end badly and he was 100% right

Ha! To be fair, he might have misread your message if he read it quickly - that happens at work quite a lot when we're scheduling meetings. If you're expecting someone to say when they ARE available, and they reply with when they're not available, your brain just books them in for what they said. I wouldn't write him off just for that if he's otherwise decent.

Oh I've just remembered why he's called Mr Tea 😂maybe not

@friendswiththemonstera

He already asked me same question yesterday, got same answer and said ‘ok Saturday it is then’ and then completely forgotten that chat of 24 hours ago happened. 🤦‍♀️

Plus he’s already asked if I own my own home and said he lives with his brother and wife since his divorce - 4 years ago!!!

Think this one’s another waste of time 🤣🤣

@SamW98

I'd be ditching Mr Tea I'm afraid.

Is this a usual question people ask re owning your own home?

I definitely would prefer someone with a similar background/ financial situation to me but I wouldn't be asking if they owned their own home.

The fact that he is living with his brother 4 years on would be massively off putting to me. Plus the whole initial tea convo and Sunday issue.

@Mckittens

I agree. Living with his brother short term I understand but 4 years??? Rent a flat, studio, bed sit even mate but have your own space!

I can’t say I’ve ever asked someone I’ve never met if they own their own house - gives me potential cock lodger vibes tbh

Plus he doesn’t seem the brightest bulb on the lamp! I’m not looking for Einstein but half a brain is preferable

@SamW98 RUN!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!

He'll have all of his stuff on your front doorstep ready to move in faster than you can say Earl Grey.

I hate the 'Do you own your home?' Ones. Even worse are the 'I suppose you are looking for a man with money since you are a single mum'. Had a few of those. And 'All my family are grown & moved on, so I have enough room here for you all to move in' before we've even had a date.

Yes, I rent my home, & yes, I'm a single mum, but no, I don't need rescuing.

Just got a message from a man wearing a Stone Island t shirt, holding a pitcher of beer who is 5’5 and has several Millwall tattoos

He sounds like this threads perfect man 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@NervesOfCotton

I own my house (well it’s mortgaged) but still it’s 50/50 with my ex so it’s up for sale and I’m looking to downsize into a flat but might rent for a year while I look around at different areas etc.

But regardless I never want to cohabitate again so any man better have a roof over his own head as he won’t be living under mine!

I have not been on the apps for quite a while after meeting a woman on Hinge a couple of years ago, unfortunately that ended rather badly due to her jealousy issues with my children. I tried to end it kindly, but she was very bitter.

I have met a lovely woman on the apps about 4 weeks ago and have taken her to dinner twice.
We exchanged whatsapp messages for a fortnight before I asked her to dinner.
She is attractive, articulate, and a really lovely lady.
We have kissed, briefly after the first meal and more lingeringly after the second.

We live an hour apart, but work in the same town. Neither of us have said who we work for, but google has told me!
Whilst we don't work for the same company, I know that my firm will be moving and sharing offices with hers later this year, and we have mutual contacts.

We are meeting again tonight, and I am taking her to dinner again.
I did invite her to mine for a meal, but she said it was too soon.

Obviously I am really into her and would like things to progress further but don't want to put her off by rushing things. She has said she likes me and has sent lots of heart emojis etc.

Neither of us live in the town we work in but are meeting there.
I am going to stay in town so I can have some wine, so could invite her back.

Just don't know if that would put her off having said no to meeting at mine already.
So difficult this dating lark! I feel so clumsy and inept.

SamW98 I don't either, I'm too used to my own space now! I'd possibly let a man live next door

My ex used to tell everybody that he'd 'Moved back in with my mum after my split' (the split which happened 8 years ago!)

One I went on a couple of dates with was asking me questions about how I chose my house, how I could afford it on one salary etc. I live in a new build, so he had made a lot of (mostly wrong) assumptions on me based upon that. I told him it was none of his bloody business!

Yes they need their own roof. Definitely Cocklodger vibes from Mr Tea.

Anyone who is saying I suppose you are looking for a man with money since your a single mum is an absolute instant block and delete. Honestly I despair.

Question is does Millwall man have his own hair and teeth... if so I'd say give him a go, you've maybe struck gold, he might even call you dear in the next message 😆

@Mckittens 😆

@Dauntedbydating asking a woman back to your house is effectively asking her for sex. 3 dates in is a bit soon for that IMO.

@Dauntedbydating

If you want a woman’s POV I would say yes ask her if she wants to come back for a wine but don’t push it. If she says no then say that’s absolutely fine and leave it there for this date.
She will let you know when she’s ready to progress with the physical side. If you keep asking, you will look like you’re after sex.

Yes I'd say no to going back to someone's house for dinner on date 3 because I'd assume it meant sex. Unless that's what I wanted. So I'd say based on the info provided she likes you but isn't ready do anything more than have a kiss and get to know you better over dinner.

Dauntedbydating I've had men assume that date 3 was 'Back to one of our houses' & that's just too soon for me. I'd say do whatever you have planned for the date but let her know that she can come back if she'd like maybe?
(If you decide that you don't like her any more & want to let her down gently, then just call her dear)

Mckittens I sometimes wonder what they'd say if I answered with 'Yes, you are right, you'd better be rich'.

Having said that I don't think I'm probably the right person to be giving advice as I've not had more than one date with anyone since my ex for over 18 years. I'm assuming if I ever get past date 1 being invited back may mean sex but perhaps I've got that entirely wrong!

@NervesOfCotton you just made me laugh out loud. I'm so desperate for an opportunity to use dear 😂

Mckittens No, that's what I think too. I nearly got as far as date 3 once but he made it clear that he was done with any effort (& we'd only had walks & coffees) & that from now on it was 'Netflix & Chill' & sex.

Mckittens One of us should try it on a man & see what happens

@NervesOfCotton @Mckittens my ex used to call me dear 😝

Pepsimaxedout Aww sorry dear

My ex called me darling or sweetheart (the one who drank) although I did wonder if it was because he couldn't remember my name!