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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

1000 replies

SamW98 · 10/03/2024 14:42

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
  1. No dating the thread.
  2. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
  3. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
  4. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
  5. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Poppyzo · 27/03/2024 10:11

I’ve also taken a break from the apps recently. I met a potential fwb at the weekend but wasnt for me. I really need attraction and sometimes they just don’t look like their photos. I’m still hung up on a recently separated guy who I clicked with then he wasn’t ready..,
Previous to that I dated a guy for a few months but it fizzled but I knew it wasn’t forever. So concentrating on me and going to try real life. The apps are a tad exhausting and feel like a full time job with all the messaging and explaining. I won’t meet without conversation/video call either.

blacksocks33 · 27/03/2024 10:39

2anddone · 27/03/2024 10:05

@mumofoneanddone82 I do have my other date Friday however....he is starting to creep me out with how 'lovely' he is being (not going to lie I am not used to nice men my xh was an utter arsehole both in and out of the relationship!!)
He has started calling me lovely and angel...which I guess is a step up from dear 😉 and telling me how he can't wait to meet me. We get on really well and I don't think I will cancel it however I am going to have to tell him to not be so 'nice' all the time!!

I think angel would send me over.....!

blacksocks33 · 27/03/2024 10:43

I’ve been on my own for nearly 4.5 years and been so happy in doing so. It was only about 12 months ago I decided I want to meet someone and now I’m just feeling so deflated by it all!
I keep looking at couples around me and think…. Why can’t I find what you have 🙈
Feeling sorry for myself today and fed up 🙈
Not sure what’s going on with me shy still. Other than a short message yesterday I haven’t heard from him since Monday. He’s away this week so it is expected but I’m just fed up of it all now! I hate dating and the ambiguity it brings!!

friendswiththemonstera · 27/03/2024 10:55

I am also feeling very down with it. I find I get a lot of matches and then they expire or the chat dies really quickly. I think I need to take a break soon. I really hope I meet someone in real life at some point.

Getitgirl · 27/03/2024 11:10

Some of you ladies need to adopt the burned haystack dating method by Jennie Young. You’re giving a lot of your energy to time wasters!

Here’s her hilarious take on ‘pillow guys’:

An Open Letter to the Pillow Pics Men on Dating Apps
https://jennieyoung.medium.com/a-open-letter-to-the-pillow-pics-men-on-dating-apps-f958840acae7

An Open Letter to the Pillow Pics Men on Dating Apps

Dear Harold et al.,

https://jennieyoung.medium.com/a-open-letter-to-the-pillow-pics-men-on-dating-apps-f958840acae7

VanillaSox · 27/03/2024 12:58

cassiatwenty · 26/03/2024 22:31

I would let Dan Snow call me 'dear' and lecture me about history anytime ☺️

😂😂😂😂

VanillaSox · 27/03/2024 13:03

Me too (And I would happily dress up as his favourite historical figure 😁😁)

SamW98 · 27/03/2024 13:24

So in 24 hours since I deleted and recreated my Bumble profile I’ve had 100+ likes and 9 matches

2 I unmatched quickly after reviewing the profile again and I messaged the other 7 (bit of an experiment really)
1 expired unanswered after 24 hours
2 unmatched without replying
1 replied but said he’d been in London fur a couple of days but actually lives in Birmingham (his location had changed to 98 miles away)
1 replied then in 3rd message said I looked a sexy little bitch - bye bye
1 replied and convo is ongoing but fairly neutral at mo
Mr Tea replied and we’re supposed to meet Saturday. However he did ask the dreaded ‘what do you look for in an ideal man’ question 😩

So 2 out of 9 matches left after 24 hours. Let’s see how it continues

OP posts:
Mckittens · 27/03/2024 17:18

@mumofoneanddone82
I am paying already, definitely agree though if I'm not put off by their photo, or their written profile it's the sofa that is the reason Im swiping left. Aware how ridiculous that sounds.

@SamW98 I totally agree dating within your own social circle is not a good idea for all those reasons. Everyone has an opinion if it doesn't work out.

I'm actually not someone who goes on typical good looks, I'm much more driven by personality and aware that maybe I'm ruling people out too quickly but equally some of the likes I'm getting are from men who in my eyes look 10- 20 years older than me which unless they are lying about their ages they aren't but by god some of them have had a tough paper round.

I do have another two new ones since this morning that I've swooped messages with. But the first one seems too keen, and looks quite different in his photos so I'm wondering if some of them are older ones.

Second one I'm not sure about physically but he is in a similar line of work and unless he is not good at his job is likely to have some level of emotional intelligence going on so will see where that goes!

@blacksocks33 I totally relate, I've been single for 4 years and before I started this genuinely thought I was happy on my own but now doing this feels like a big spot light have been shone on that. It's so up and down as well which is disconcerting and anxiety provoking. I'm trying to find ways to manage it as not ready to give up just yet but it's definitely tricky. Are you chatting to anyone else or just the one who you've had the dates with?

@friendswiththemonstera I'm sorry you are feeling down with it all too, I'd love to think I could meet someone in the wild but I just can't see it happening hence giving the apps a go.

Mckittens · 27/03/2024 17:24

@SamW98
Think I'm going to do the same re deleting and redoing my bumble profile as it's a total stagnant pond for me in a way that match isn't. So will give that a go and see if it helps. Love how pro active you have been even if the results some of the results continue to be disappointing!

blacksocks33 · 27/03/2024 17:55

@Mckittens no I'm not chatting to anyone else. I tried to start some new convos but I just cant get into it tbh and it doesn't really feel fair on anyone else. I'm really only a one person... person!

Yes I agree, I was happy with it....... until I wasn't 🙈

I think starting your profile over again every now and again is a good idea because people who you may have swipped left on previously you might want to give a go! I think bumble is absolutely crap. I never get any decent convos on there and I HATE the guys getting a free pass at the first message 🙄

blacksocks33 · 27/03/2024 18:00

I think Mr shy has disappeared.
He is away atm (I'm not saying what or where just incase anyone knows him as it's outing 😂). He text me once yesterday, nothing since.
I'm not expecting much contact as I know he's busy but I would've expected something in this time tbh. Maybe this morning or afternoon.
I feel like I've given up :(

SamW98 · 27/03/2024 18:08

Does anyone have things they’ve on profiles that might seem daft deal breakers to otters but are an instant swipe left?

Got to admit mine are anyone including their pronouns and anyone who mentions vaccine status. Plus any photos wearing face masks - to me they proved they’ve not updated their pics since 2020 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 27/03/2024 18:10

Aw @blacksocks33 it sounds like you really like him

Bumble has been absolute rubbish for me, too. Only bad experiences. Elsewhere was bad but good, too.

Pepsimaxedout · 27/03/2024 18:15

@SamW98 mine are men with beer cans and men who have pictures that show he supports any football team other than Liverpool.

SamW98 · 27/03/2024 18:17

Pepsimaxedout · 27/03/2024 18:15

@SamW98 mine are men with beer cans and men who have pictures that show he supports any football team other than Liverpool.

🤣🤣 - I hear you. Anyone in a Spurs shirt is an instant swipe left.

OP posts:
blacksocks33 · 27/03/2024 18:22

@cassiatwenty yeah I think I could've got there with him! He seemed like a really nice person.... but I guess I never really new where I stood and now nothing 🤷🏼‍♀️

User990 · 27/03/2024 18:29

Instant swipe left is a man wearing a flap cap hat

friendswiththemonstera · 27/03/2024 18:39

My instant lefts are responses relating to sex (including "my love language - physical touch"), men who don't list what they do for a living or their education level, someone with more than one selfie...probably quite standard

librauk · 27/03/2024 18:52

I swipe left on anyone wearing a football shirt
Have been scrolling through, and saw a pic on a profile that I rather had not 😮😮
50+ male naked , behind a strategically placed rubber plant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

SamW98 · 27/03/2024 18:58

Also swipe lefts - anyone in Lycra riding a bike.

Antone who puts ‘if you don’t look like your photos you’re buying the drinks til you do’

Topless photos 🤢

Tbh my list is so long it’s a wonder I swipe for anyone

OP posts:
Mckittens · 27/03/2024 19:05

Any reference to themselves being 'normal' or looking for someone 'normal'
Rotten looking sofas
No drama
Reference to having own teeth

I could go on...for a very long time 😆
Also no idea how I ever manage to swipe right

cassiatwenty · 27/03/2024 19:08

I swipe left when their profile is blank, or when it says no single mothers, or when it says looking for someone who doesn't take herself too seriously (wat? I take myself very seriously thank u very much 🧐)

Shirtless photos I swipe mostly left, and selfies next to a urinal 🤐

Guy I like has a shirtless photo but it's him and some friends at a beach, it's not a suggestive photo, more like a regular day

cassiatwenty · 27/03/2024 19:09

Mckittens · 27/03/2024 19:05

Any reference to themselves being 'normal' or looking for someone 'normal'
Rotten looking sofas
No drama
Reference to having own teeth

I could go on...for a very long time 😆
Also no idea how I ever manage to swipe right

Oh yeah, i forgot about "own hair, own teeth" classic!

Mckittens · 27/03/2024 19:16

Most of the ones I'm looking at don't have hair so they have had to reduce it to own teeth only 😂

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