Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@2anddone November just gone? Are you in the UK? Divorce takes a minimum of 26 weeks here (so roughly 6 months) so it doesn’t sound like he is actually divorced yet?
just be cautious. A few months isn’t long and she was the one who walked out. I don’t want to rain on your parade but I would be very wary!

Sorry I didn't mean divorce papers as in fully divorced decree nisi or whatever it's called but I mean divorce info or papers from her solicitors also don't know why it said today it should have said January! Also when I put divorce had gone through I meant the papers had been served and they were sitting out assets etc!
God I am not expecting it to go anywhere he is still hurting (though happy to help him have some rebound sex..he is very good looking and I am going through quite the dry spell)...all I meant was it's typical that I haven't chatted to anyone for months now lots come along at once!

@2anddone I think yes, great for rebound sex but don't get invested. I was here years ago and dated a separated man who then went back to his wife. Never again! She'd left him for someone else and he had even bought a new house so I didn't see it coming. Luckily we didn't date long but no more separated/not divorced people for me!

@Loopylooni I won't be getting invested...if I am honest I will be shocked if he even comes round after work today!! I am expecting a text with a reason why he can't...which would be fine as only expecting coffee!
They were together 34 years so wouldn't surprise me at all if they got back together...and I hope in some ways they do as they were really good together!

So my social experiment has been rather inconclusive since I haven't matched with anyone since last week (with the cleavage photo). I'm only getting about 7 swipes a day since I think Bumble is trying to force me to pay, and I think I've only swiped right on one or two of them...

Out of the three chats I have going, two made a polite compliment, and one hadn't even rechecked my profile since we started chatting so I asked him directly. We are having a very nice chat, we have similar interests and he has been quite insightful.

So no real findings from my research! Maybe it really is a geographic phenomenon? I have had 35+ chats since last October, and out of those, only two men got suggestive quickly.

Mr B and I are both with family for the Easter, so won't see him until afterwards.

Re where to go for a first date, I go for walks. Not ideal when it's raining though. I've also been for drinks with men who did not drink at all (while I did). @SamW98 what does he suggest?

😆I'm guessing though that you are aware that public houses sell a variety of beverages to drink which include alcohol free, tea and coffee.

I think some people just either don't think or make it difficult on purpose!

@Chocolatefreak I think the creepy ones are due to age. That's been my experience anyway. The older they are, the more sex pesty they are. I don't think you can really tell though. Some people are just dicks no matter what.

@SamW98 if he's making it difficult, let him organise the first date.

@2anddone I met one out in the wild. It was surreal. Unfortunately, he was separated and hadn't processed it all, then started messaging me about how he felt bad about not seeing his kids everyday 🙄

I wouldn't necessarily write off separated/non-divorced people. Mainly because I am one. But ask some questions about the living situation/what they're looking for etc. If he starts texting a lot in the evening, run for the hills!

I feel like things are strangely quiet with me right now. I've come off the app and have no intention of going back on any time soon. It's been nice not to be scrolling in the evening and not sending inane messages about what I do for a living.

I swap a few nice messages a day with Mr D. We're not meeting again until after Easter cos we both have our kids over the weekend. I've got a nice break planned for me and kids too that I'm looking forwards to. I think OLD can be a bit over consuming if you let it so it's nice to have the break.

Well Mr Tea has asked if I’m free over the long weekend and I’ve suggested Saturday so I’ll let him choose a venue. Thing is, we live in same town and there’s not exactly a shortage of cafes and pubs that do hot/soft drinks so let him suggest one.

I will be honest, not drinking does raise a tiny red flag to me only because the people I know who are sober are recovered alcoholics . But it’s not a deal breaker just something for me to be aware of.

@SamW98 😆sorry when you wrote Mr Tea this was all I could think of!

Ahh @Pepsimaxedout you always say the right things thanks. Love this thread it's like having a virtual friendship group that understands all my silly dating worries! I've totally broken all the rules with this guy. I've not got limerance but he's the first guy in a long while that I find really attractive and has the personality to match! Think I've got some bloody virus as feel so exhausted and my throat is a bit swollen. Going to doctors today just in case.

I was going to say exactly the same thing, my quick and uncontested online divorce in 2019 took from August til April to come through

@Pepsimaxedout also forgot to ask where is your next date?

@2anddone excited for your in the wild meeting. Do you still have your other date on Friday?

@2anddone

I would just add to tread very carefully. I met someone when we were both recently separated and although we said from start it was just friends it got complicated and became a head fuck for both of us as neither were ready despite both telling ourselves we were.

@mumofoneanddone82 I feel like I give people the same advice I mentally give myself 😆

We've made loose plans for dinner and cinema. Will no doubt update on here afterwards when I'm all giddy again!!

@Pepsimaxedout when is your date? Look forward to my update on Saturday over analysing every detail haha!

I am coming to the conclusion that I don't find men over a certain age attractive. Barely any of them. I did a massive trawl yesterday and nothing. Occasionally drawn to their photo but inevitably I then read their profile and there is some red flag flying within it.
Feeling very despondent today.

I know I'm repeating myself but before I started on this venture I totally thought I was happy being single. I think I need a break from it all probably.

It sounds like a few possibilities are on the horizon for some of you other lovely people though so that's good 😊

I have everything crossed for you on Saturday! And yes I want a giddy update!

It's going to be Monday or Tuesday depending on kids, but I've already got potential plans for Monday now!

@Mckittens I think a break is a great idea and is doing me the world of good TBH!

@Mckittens my tactic is to pay to see who likes you! Then swipe on anyone you find mildly attractive and doesn't have red flags! I can be very judgemental over names and what their sofas look like haha! But all the dates I've had have been with guys I wouldn't have been 100% attracted to if I'd just gone on looks. I'm really picky on who I actually meet as I don't have much spare time, so I need to be drawn in by their initial messages and then speak on the phone to make sure we connect! Good luck! There are some diamonds in the rough.

@Pepsimaxedout ahh my brain has said because I'm excited it will be a flop! Ever the eternal pessimist. Date is on Friday! Will keep you updated! Have taken a half day off tomorrow so I can plan what to wear haha

I think that’s my problem as I’m older. I don’t actually find many men attractive.

Last time I dated properly I was in my early 20’s and it was to much easier to fancy people.

Thats where OLD is difficult as it’s about making a snap decision based on very superficial factors whereas meeting out and about you know if there’s something there or not.

My problem is that I wouldn’t date within my social world - I’m too private and I’d hate people knowing my business. Been there once and learned my lesson the hard way.

@SamW98 I totally agree! Got set up by a friend years ago. Turned out he paraded as the 'nice guy' but was horrible in relationships. He is the only one of my ex's that I have blocked from everything and never left things civil with! It was so awkward within my friendship group and everyone had opinion.

@mumofoneanddone82

The only guy I’ve dated since my divorce I met as we have a lot of mutuals and move in same social circles. He was a bit of a dickhead tbh and very attention seeking (despite being nearly 60) and shared far too much private stuff on SM which caused a lot of arguments.

Thankfully our paths don’t cross much now and my proper friendship group know he’s a bit of a twat but I’ve got about 250 mutual FB friends and I learned that some people love the drama of reporting back. Thankfully he’s got a new gf now - who I knew socially but she’s blocked me now 🤣

Honestly these people are like high school gossip girls - I just quietly get on with my business now away from the drama but it’s taught me a huge lesson.

A summary of my dating life since getting back out there:
guy 1 - 5 dates, slow fade, ghosted
guy 2 - had used VERY old pictures on his profile and unfortunately I just did not find him attractive on our date. Politely declined to meet again.
guy 3 - cancelled first date due to being “ill”. Against better judgement, gave benefit of the doubt and he ghosted half way through the conversation about re-arranging.
Guy 4 - was actually excited to have a date with this one. Got on great and lots of sparks and yep you guessed it….. ghosted after the date…. After saying was absolutely up for seeing me again.

I GIVE UP!!!!

@mumofoneanddone82 I do have my other date Friday however....he is starting to creep me out with how 'lovely' he is being (not going to lie I am not used to nice men my xh was an utter arsehole both in and out of the relationship!!)
He has started calling me lovely and angel...which I guess is a step up from dear 😉 and telling me how he can't wait to meet me. We get on really well and I don't think I will cancel it however I am going to have to tell him to not be so 'nice' all the time!!