Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98 its just words though, for me it was helpful as I don’t get celebrity crushes and although I can see potential with a date I need to get to know them before feelings start to play a part. I have been able to separate sex with FWB but although they’re nice people I don’t feel a connection with them per se and I also have to have some rapport so it’s not too awkward. I think I’m more Demi romantic than Demi sexual

So this so the second evening in a row I've not had any texts from Mr shy. Normally we'd have a couple exchange around 9/10ish but last night and tonight nothing. He's now away with work for a few days so I'm not expecting I'll hear from him at all during that time.
I feel a bit disappointed tbh... if we do meet up on Friday I'm going to have to ask him what's going on. I'd ask him now but with him going away I don't see the point in starting the convo...

Me too. I instantly know when I fancy someone but other times there are guys I like but I'm not too sure if we could work together or not.

Was his voice nice? I think sex on a first date can also create this feel of false intimacy but maybe it works for others?

As easy as it is to get sucked in by guys that tell you they are going to take you x,y,z and “when you get to meet”, be very wary as it’s called future faking. It’s often a narcissists was of luring you in by building a fake future which, lets be honest after shitty divorces and men we have had, we really want. And they know it. Speaking from the person who has been sucked in by two of them on the trot!

@cassiatwenty he sounded like he was stoned/drunk!

It was literally the first message he sent me. Absolute no from me!

Oh god, Mr Sneaker has suddenly become a bit forward and now I'm really not sure about it all 😐

friendswiththemonstera Oh no. What sort of things is he saying?

My one, last messaged at 11am yesterday & said that he'd be 'On & off' through the day (same as I was) but I didn't hear anything else.

I sent him a 'Goodnight' message & he's answered that at 3am saying 'Sorry I disappeared, had a boozy afternoon & evening'.

One of my 'niggles' has been how much he drinks (I'm not against anybody having a drink, but I'm wary of men who drink a fair amount every day as I dated one of those before & it impacted everything else)

Sexually? If it's too fast for you and you're not comfortable with it, then bin him off.

My exh was an alcoholic and it's something I'm VERY wary of in men now. To the point where I hate blokes who post pictures on their dating profile with a beer in hand. I had a couple of blokes who were clearly messaging me in the evenings while drinking and I didn't like that. Even this bloke who I had a date with on Saturday. He's great and everything, but I was keeping tabs on how much he drank.

I'm not sure of the answer, other than be mindful of it and if you don't like it, then end it.

Well I’ve had a message this morning from a man whose profile says his ideal first date is a few drinks followed by oral and anal.

Do these men really think a woman reads that and thinks ‘yes please’ 🤷‍♀️

@SamW98 where do you find these stunners?! I must find myself one 🙄

Grim 🤢
What site was that on??

This was on Hinge - suppose it makes a change from kayaking, sky driving and climbing to Everest every weekend but surely there’s a middle ground 🤷‍♀️

😆

I actually saw one the other day who had what I was convinced were his own wedding photos on his profile!

OMG SamW98. What a catch!

Thank you Pepsimaxedout Yes I'm extra wary because of my past experience, & I know that's not this new ones fault, but I just am.

He doesn't have any drinking photos on his profile but he has been drinking during the 3 days we've been chatting.

I asked him how much alcohol features in his life, on Sunday, & he said something about 'Thats part of me being a bachelor but it's not something that needs to concern you & neither will it affect you'.

@NervesOfCotton I don't like that response TBH. I'm probably projecting a lot, but that reads to me like he would ditch you for the booze.

Yes - he sent me a selfie of him in bed and said he wished I was there basically. It was too much for me but I think I kind of encouraged it by something I said earlier in the day...

Pepsimaxedout Yes, I felt a bit like that was 'Strike one' in my head.

I'm not sure if yesterday should count as 'Strike Two' as we havn't met or anything so not being messaged for one afternoon/evening is fine...

@NervesOfCotton I would think you could right to be wary. I would say that the neither will it affect you is potentially quite telling as in that would make me think it has affected other relationships so he consequently has the insight to know it is an issue and that you've spotted it hence the 'doesn't concern you' and then denial.

But maybe that's just me being cynical. I wouldn't bin just yet if it were me but just keep an eye on it as you are doing.

This is beyond grim 🤢🤢🤢

The mentality of some of these men is something else.

@friendswiththemonstera ahhh that's disappointing and just a bit icky isn't it! I get why it would put you off.... I would feel the same.

@friendswiththemonstera sorry sent too soon!
Did you get this vibe from him when you met him? How you feeling about date 3 now?

@blacksocks33 Yeah it was very cringe but I definitely encouraged it so now I'm wondering if I give it a pass and still go on date 3? Which is a few weeks away anyway so time to decide I suppose. That vibe wasn't there on the date really but he's made it obvious he thinks I'm very attractive. We haven't kissed yet.

friendswiththemonstera See how it goes between now & then, then? Such a shame when something like this happens isn't it.

Mckittens Yes, I thought the same, that it has probably affected things before/or he's one of those that if we ended up getting together & I have a question about something, he'd just shut me down with 'That doesn't concern you'.

I've not unmatched him but neither did I answer his 3am message. Our date isn't until a week from now so I will see.

I'm still swiping