Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I would find that a bit too much if you haven't met in person.

Me too, it's pretty full on given he hasn't met you.

I've met Mr Sneaker twice now and I think I would still find it a bit full on if he said he wanted me to cuddle him at night. Fundamentally, I've only met him twice - I don't really know him.

I agree, if you've not met yet, it's bit early to talk about cuddles, missing and so on, I've binned few guys for doing that, sending heart emojis etc

Not saying you should bin him, but just be aware! I didn't feel comfortable but that's my boundary.

Honestly I’d find someone I’ve never met telling me they wished I was there cuddling him at night quite creepy and think they were testing the water to turn the chat more sexual.

It wouldn’t be an unmatch but I’d be wary

Well I’ve just had a blast from the past message me.

Bloke I chatted with for a couple of weeks last year but I found him too full on. He obviously saw me back on the apps and just messaged me to say ‘hi how you doing’

And got a couple of matches from my new Bumble profile so gonna message and see.

Not a word from Mr J - not even a ‘wish you well’ so he’s history!

I would find this a bit much TBH when you haven't even met yet. In my experience if they are this needy and clingy now, the it gets even worse after you meet.

@SamW98 it's strange how bumble has suddenly had more appear now you've changed it. I do think the apps are a bit of a swizzle and try to charge you more money.

Yes I’d be wary of love bombing if someone mentions holidays etc and you haven’t met. I find it quite difficult with the apps as you can create something in your head but in reality you only have a photo to rely on. I had a guy I had been on one date with trying to plan ahead then he did a complete u turn. Personally I think he wanted to be doing those things with his ex…

I agree with you all it is a bit full on and he says how he feels like we have known each other for ages...we matched 5 days ago!!
Not a cause for immediate unmatch yet but I am keeping my eyes wide open!!

Would you be able to pull back on messaging a bit and see how he reacts?

Oh my god, I matched with someone and they've sent me a voice note about how having sex on a first date is amazing and everyone should just love their life.

I just can't deal.

I wish I could put the voice note on here! I've never experienced that before!!!

Oh vom, what is wrong with people!!

🤢🤢🤢

OMG that's grim 🤢
@friendswiththemonstera I have pulled back on the messages..he always message me first! Thing is he seems really lovely I am now concentrating on answering messages with things like 'once we have had a couple of dates and see how we get on that could be lovely' to reiterate that we are most definitely not a couple at this current time in any way shape or form!

@blacksocks33 give him a chance, he sounds like a fun, life and soul of the party type of chap.

No, don't!

Does anyone else consistently question themselves over whether they ACTUALLY find the other person attractive? Or is that just me?!!

@friendswiththemonstera I know within 5 seconds.

I can be a bit like this. I don't find people in photos attractive cos I don't see there mannerisms etc. And then it takes me a while to decide if I fancy them in person.

I know within 5 seconds if I don't. I question myself a lot in person though! For weeks!

@friendswiththemonstera you may be demisexual? I need to get to know someone to find them more than surface level attractive, I don’t get crushes

Oh yes maybe...I think I know instantly if I find someone actually unattractive. Sometimes I think someone is interesting and then if we get on it can develop into proper attraction. But I'm not 100% sure I'm attracted to them until I already have feelings for them. Does that sound like being demisexual?

Ditto. I’ve never wanted to rip someone’s clothes off on the first date. I’m a slow burn. Someone gets more attractive to me the more I get to know them.

I really need an emotional connection of some sort to even think about sex.

I don’t like the term Demi sexual though as it implies being half of something.