Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OK, so for 'research' I've taken down a landscape photo on Bumble and put the cleavage photo up in its place. I guess I'm looking to see if the number of new likes goes up (I'm only on the free version so can't see total number of likes) and if those new ones I match with get sleazy quickly.

I wonder if existing matches will comment - they've been all absolute gentlemen so far.

Any other data I should be collecting?!

Tbh it does seem a bit like victim blaming to say maybe it’s because women show a bit of cleavage that explains getting dick pics - which is actually a criminal offence.

I do wonder what makes them think this behaviour is acceptable, it’s so random

My friends main photo is wearing a white shirt and black leather trousers - not revealing at all. She’s had a few messages asking her about what underwear she’s wearing (or if she’s wearing any at all) - these men are all over 50. And it’s not just one or two, it’s in double figures.

I agree with this, my initial question was to ask if others had experienced this. Which it appears in the uk, they have.

I am going to be blocking people a lot faster but equally feel sad

I think there is a real possibility that it might depend on your location. There could be other reasons too (like in my case the fact I don't big boobs, irrespective of whether they are covered up or not, although even if you have it's clearly not a signal for men to send x-rated photos or comments), but I have been using OLD on and off for a few years now and have received plenty of likes during that time but not one inappropriate comment or photo. The age range I've been targeting is 50-65. It will be interesting to see what happens (if anything) in @Chocolatefreak 's photo experiment.

I noticed by putting a full length photo up only jeans etc my likes went up. As for dick pics. Guys wanting to send them I found ask if I want to see. I always do the you won’t be getting photos back! That soon stops them because basically I think that’s all they want! What’s app I also have my online last seen etc switched off. It gives me privacy I think.

I'm in the UK, similar area to @SamW98 and never had it. I always assumed it was an age range thing- the over 50s were the worst when I had more open age settings. Now it's set to 28 and 45 and I don't have issues with weird opening messages.

WhatsApp I have my last seen and online customised so my customers, ex husband and anyone I add from bumble can't see but I can see my children's etc!

Hahahaha, Freudian slip 😉

It's not the norm, and I don't think it's even possible to happen via apps. I would have random men asked me for my SC or Whatsapp, but I don't give out my number or social media until I get a feel they are a decent person.

The over 50’s are by far the worst. Though I’ve had the odd sleazy message from younger men - one charmer asked if I was into young men with massive dicks.

This one was quite disturbing tbh.

Matched this morning, he asked if I'm looking for a relationship that includes the physical side?

I said 'Yes, but I'm not wanting to rush into that'

(Next bit copied word for word)

He said 'Ok but my wife just died & we never know when we will die either so I'm not waiting for ages, it has to be sooner rather than later, I'm not planning it, it just has to happen soon, and this is due to my wife dying & showing me that life is short, so are you up for that or not?'

@cassiatwenty it definately is possible through the apps unfortunately. I have noticed POF have an option to make I clear I don’t want pictures which I think it’s a nice feature

@NervesOfCotton what?! I guess he got blocked quickly 😳

Pickleeditor He did. I said 'I'm sorry to hear about your wife' & blocked.

Just when you think that things can't get any stranger.

Grim. Just grim.

@NervesOfCotton Sorry but what a tosser. He's guilt-tripping you and using pity to pressure you into having sex? You didn't murder his wife. You don't owe him anything.

All of us, literally, all of us have had challenging and hard things happen to us.

And you are not his friend or his therapist to listen to his problems so he could emotionally manipulate you better. What a tosser indeed 😡

Literally no words.

I wish I could say I’m shocked however I know a bloke (not a friend thankfully) who’s widowed and absolutely uses it to pull women. Honestly it’s grim as fuck

OMG @NervesOfCotton that's a definite immediate block...what an absolute knobhead!!

Thanks everybody.

It was so weird but yes, nothing surprises me anymore. SamW98 Maybe it's him!

I'm a bit late catching up on this thread, but I agree with this. In the past LTR I've had, I never had to wonder about anything in the early-mid stages of the relationships as we were both on the same page.

The anxiety comes when you don't know, and if you don't know, and are too scared to ask (which probably tells you what you need to know).

I knew 3 dates in with Mr Pan, that is like to continue developing a relationship only with him, however it's clear he didn't feel the same way, as despite saying he would clarify things on date 4, this never arrived as he ghosted me.

A couple of weeks on, sad as I felt at the time, I'm back to swiping!

I had one of these; matched one evening, had a few chats, then I'd logged out, done other things and gone to bed. He'd messaged me last at about 11pm, then again in the morning about 7am, saying "where've you gone?" I messaged at about lunchtime when I saw it, and got a long one back saying I'm not happy, you are not messaging back quickly enough...

I just unmatched him as it was screaming needy and that's not something I'm planning on inviting into my life at this stage.

Wonderful update, that sounds great!

Hi everyone, new to internet dating. Found a local guy Mr Camper Van and been on 2 dates so far. He cancelled date 2 and didn’t rebook so I was brave and asked him out and he was quick to reply with when he could go out again. Then as we’d agreed to go out again (date 3) but he didn’t suggest a day so I asked when he was free only he was too busy with work. BUT didn’t suggest eg the week after or anything. So I did say I’ll leave you to suggest a day. And he still hasn’t over a week later. He’s still messaging me, but I’m just not sure if he’s interested. He seemed very interested, we kissed a lot! But now I’m not sure.
How do you know!