Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Mckittens ahhh brilliant! Get that date scheduled in soon whilst things seem exciting 😊

@Mckittens I've got everything crossed for you. A good chat on the phone is promising. But I'm like you, always wary in the back of my mind as well.

@2anddone I don't like the ones who text a lot because IME they end up being the needy ones who want to tell me their sob story and want me to fix their broken lives after a fortnight. A couple of texts a day is mine for me.

@NervesOfCotton Always listen to the niggles. They're there for a reason. But I also don't see the harm in meeting someone and seeing how they are in person. Even if it is only to confirm my suspicions about someone. It's good to have a couple of chats going too. See how it goes with the second one.

Pepsimaxedout Yes I'm absolutely still up for meeting. He only lives across town but it's been a nightmare trying to arrange a date as he's away next week (when I'm free) & then he's free when I'm with my kids every day over half term!

So we were initially going to do a lunchtime first meet but now it's going to be early evening. So after the struggle to arrange this date, I'm definitely going on it

This is all very interesting @Pepsimaxedout as Thursday Man is messaging a few times a day. We'll get in a little back and forth but then cut it off for a decent period and he'll message again the next day or after a good few hours.

I've been burned before by messaging all night and day, then ending up in a really codependent relationship. I need to teach myself to calm down with this kind of thing.

friendswiththemonstera That sounds perfect to me! Dip in & out, few little chats, enough to keep the interest but not so much that it becomes boring.

Yes I agree a few messages is good to keep some kind of connection going but without too much investment. Although I know I have to try and reign in it mentally as well and not get carried away in my own mind regardless of the messaging situation.
Mr W said he isn't much of a texter prefers to speak hence the phone call so at least I know there isn't going to endless messages wit him.

I was out with friends on Friday night and had some wine and a lot of swiping may have gone on 😆 so consequently I've got a line of matches and some messages that I've so far ignored because of the chat with Mr W.

I know I should have at least one more chat going but I just find it so hard to do when I've got someone else in mind. One of them did the whole what no replies after a couple of hours so I just blocked him straightaway but there is another one I quite like the look off.

@friendswiththemonstera I've ended up with a couple now literally stalked me on WhatsApp. They would watch to see when I was online and then send me a message. Like they had nothing better to do with their lives but sit there and wait for me to appear. The worst was on the weekends when I was busy with my kids, like they were literally there doing nothing all weekend. Not attractive! This was after a couple of dates/weeks too. So imagine how bad it would be after six months and you dared to go out with your mates without them?!

So now I am very wary of men like that. It's nice to have attention, but it doesn't need to be lots.

I had one I met in the wild - at a soul afternoon at my mates local. We chatted and exchanged numbers to WhatsApp later.

He messaged that evening and we exchanged a few messages.

Then the next morning he sent a selfie at work before I was even awake followed by a good morning message.

Throughout the day he sent several selfies, quite a few messages increasingly concerned that I hadn’t replied. I sent a very short message saying v busy at work let’s chat later.

Then at about 4pm he called me. I didn’t answer as I was still at work so he tried to FaceTime. Again I didn’t answer. So he sent several more messages telling me I had lead him on made him think I was as interested and I was ghosting him - all because I didn’t respond to his numerous messages hold I had the audacity to be doing my job ffs!!

I replied later that evening saying I don’t check or reply to messages while I’m working and that I don’t appreciate being bombarded so it’s best we leave it there.

He sent me an essay mansplaining why I was wrong and he wasn’t bombarding me which I didn’t respond to. The next morning I woke up to war and peace telling me i had got him wrong, I should have responded then he wouldn’t have had to keep trying to contact me etc etc so basically blaming me for him being a needy twat!!

Blocked after that one

Wow 😯

I’m new to all this and I really don’t understand why men feel the need to send penis and w&£king pictures and videos before we have met? I’ve had this 2 or 3 times now? Is this the norm, should I be impressed? I’m getting a thicker skin but it’s really putting me off online dating, which seems really sad.

Definitely not the norm for me...all I have had is fully clothed selfies and sometimes with family members or friends never a penis or wanking photo/video....would be an immediate unblock!!

🤣🤣🤣obviously I meant BLOCK...who wants to see that!!

@Pickleeditor I've not been sent any yet, 3 months in. So wouldn't say it's that common? Which app are you in

I have to admit that it's not been my experience either. Some things I think that have helped avoid them are -
Not rushing to swap numbers and having a chat on the app first
Not entertaining any whiff of sexual conversation/asking for pics before meeting
Liberal use of the block function

Thanks all, I guess I have been unlucky.@User990 It’s bumble.

Yes I have blocked / unmatched each time. @2anddone i guessed you meant block 🤣.

@Pepsimaxedout i agree and feel I have done this.

thanks for your feedback, I’ll see if it continues and continue to block. What apps are other using?

I’ve had one naked photo, several with bubbles or a towel covering their bits asking if I want to see more which I’ve declined. I’ve also had one wanking on the phone while we were talking 🤢
Must admit that along with the sleazy comments from men I’ve never met made me come off OLD for a while.

Since I’ve been back on, I’ve been far more brutal deleting anyone at the slightest sexual comments - though that’s pretty much cut my dating options down to zero.

Im always surprised when women say they don’t get much sleazy stuff - in me and my mates experience, that’s pretty much ALL we get.

Also hasn't been my experience. I've had a couple who tried to be suggestive too early but immediately behaved when I shut it down.

Haven't had a single dick pic. One offered once but as I'm usually communicating with them in a different language there can be misunderstandings 😂

I live in Europe, so I'm wondering if this lack of respect on the apps is something that has just become commonplace in the UK and it will eventually become the norm here?

I have a couple of chats going plus Mr B who might become fwb. I have been on Hinge and Bumble since October with some breaks, and I keep going because I've met some very nice men, a couple of whom have become friends. Essentially I believe that because I'm on the apps, there must be like-minded men looking for similar things to me, so I keep going. Just haven't found anyone I really fancy yet!

Also interestingly I have on occasion looked at the women's profiles. The vast majority have quite a lot of skin showing, cleavage and fairly suggestive poses. I have small boobs and my photos are all fully clothed and very unsexy.

I do possess one photo where I'm wearing a low-cut top and it looks as though I have a cleavage. I might put that up as an experiment, see if I get a different kind of reaction!

@Chocolatefreak i also don’t show much skin on my photos. I want to get to know someone and have a connection, so I don’t think my post is at all suggestive.

let me know how you get on with additional pictures

This is my experience too. Like you, @Chocolatefreak, I don't live in the UK and I have small boobs. Plus, my photos do not show any kind of cleavage (I haven't got one to show!). I do have one photo in which I'm wearing shorts, but with hiking boots! So, not really sexy😁. Anyway, I've never been sent any x-rated pics or anything like that. I've had other issues like guys being impatient if you don't reply within 5 minutes etc. And one guy mentioned a foot fetish and immediately got blocked! So, maybe it depends on the photos you post of yourself or it's just that it's more common in the UK?

You should turn off your WhatsApp visibility. So much better :)

I don’t show skin either as that’s not my style anyway. I’m also very clear I don’t do ONS of hook ups but I still get content sexual comments.

The one who started wanking on the phone we were having a really normal chat about work life in general etc - nothing at all sexual

@LittleFloatingGhost I tried that but then I cannot see other people's visibility. I use to check if my kids have been on their phones when they're not meant to 😆

Pickleeditor Yeah that's normal for me too, but like Sam, I'm absolutely brutal with my unmatching/blocking now & barely swap WhatsApps with any either.
My pics are all fully clothed too, not that, if we did show a bit of cleavage, that means that we want dick pics anyway.

Ah! 😂😂😂

I think you can possibly block people from seeing certain things, not too sure, if you have to be visible for that or not. I’m not visible at all and block people from photo updates, stories etc.