Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@lizkt the thing is, I don't ask, I tell. So I tell them I like them, I tell them I'd like to see them again. I tell them I'd like to kiss them or whatever. It's then up to them what they do with that information. If they aren't interested, so what?! Nevermind. I'd sooner lay my cards on the table and suffer five minutes of embarrassment than spend more time internally agonising over everything.

Morning ladies well I’ve just woken up so u would have missed my 10am date 🤣

Not a word back so I did the right thing. I honestly don’t think Mr J has the time to date or is prepared to put in the effort.

Got a couple of matches yesterday so I’ll move on and see what cones next

@blacksocks33 i would ask him. You could be casual about it - fancy planning another date? It sounds like he may be quite laid back so you need to take the lead perhaps!

I agree with this. Just ask if he wants another date when he’s feeling a bit better.

Thanks all once again!
I've been reading about anxious attachment, I definitely recognise some of the traits in how I react to things. I honestly think the behaviour from men/boys on OLD over the past year has really effected my confidence and belief that it won't always be like that. I definitely wouldn't describe myself as needy whatsoever, but I do need reassurance I think. Or just clarity. But isn't that normal too 🙈 how our expectations have had to change in the OLD world ey!
It's funny because I've been single and thriving for such a long time. I'm so independent and I love being so. I know I need to deal with this though. I'm having cbt therapy atm so I'll mention it to her when I see her next week! Thanks for the insight all and thanks to for listening to my rambles! 😊

I think I'm just going to suggest doing something next weekend and see what he says!
I guess everyone works at different places don't they and I'm entirely respectful of that.

Different paces not places!!!

Just seen someone with the username c**tmuncher (but without the stars)

Well at least he’s honest 🤣

That's so funny 😆😆

Hmm. Chatting to a new one, he has 3 photos where he's quite slim & has thick dark hair. I asked how old his photos are & he said 'A few years old' & instantly sent me one from today with no hesitation.

He's clearly put on weight (I don't mind that as he was a bit too slim for my liking before) & he now has hardly any tufty Grey hair.

Again I don't mind this, just wondering why he didn't put more recent photos on in the first place... Makes me feel a bit suspicious!

I'm going to keep chatting to him, apart from this slight (hmm), he seems perfectly lovely.

I hate that OLD makes us all nervous wrecks and trying to second guess/play games etc! We're scared to not come across to eager or excited and we're worried if we don't seem interested at all. Been dating since the summer and my experience and advice is just be unapologetically yourself! If you want to text - text. If you want to ask a question - ask it! I'm not suggest bombard someone with communication or become an obsessed stalker but we're not 16! We should be dealing with adults and adults should at the very least know how to communicate! Some men are crap at texting, some men love it! Some men will have the confidence to ask you on another date and others play it cool! I suggest we all try and take back a bit more control and just be upfront and open with communication.

Sorry, i am in no way telling people how to act but it's so sad all of us wonderful, intelligent women feel like this so often. X

@NervesOfCotton I don't like the ones who clearly post old photos and aren't honest about shit that you will obviously find out about sooner than later. Like how tall they are. It just feels dishonest and like they are not a genuine person. I want a man who is confident and comfortable with himself no matter how bald, fat or short that is.

@mumofoneanddone82 I'm like you! Just be yourself. If someone is into that they will hang around. If they're not, you're better off without them.

Pepsimaxedout I know, it's weird isn't it. I'm giving him a chance because he did tell me & sent a new pic straight away, but it's just got my guard up a bit.

Honestly it’s obvious why some of these men single.

Matched with a guy about an hour ago and been doing washing, cleaning etc. logged back in and he sent me a message at 1.35 then at 2.05 another saying ‘another one who goes silent’ then at 2.20 ‘yep one more time waster’

I did have to reply ‘or someone who actually does things other than sits on the apps 24/7’

I won’t get a response but had to have my say. Talk about too much mate

Love this!!

Actually he just replied ‘rude bye bye’

I couldn’t resist replying with 👍

Oh well what a loss 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@SamW98 what an absolute twat!

I had one bloke make a little comment once about taking a long time to reply to his very first message. He sent it during the working day. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I soon learned he was very clingy and wanted constant attention. Urgh.

Yep I’ve learned that when they’re needy/clingy/pushy from the start, they’re showing you exactly who they are and waving that 🚩

I do think the longer I’m single, the less twattery I’m prepared to tolerate.

I had one unmatch me. He asked what I did in my spare time. I said I didn’t have loads of spare time because of my job etc but I like to do….
then he said why are you on the apps then, called me a time waster etc and unmatched me.
Honestly I wasn’t planning on doing his dinner and washing or even intending to see him everyday I have a life of my own 🙄
Since then he has tried to rematch me a few times. I don’t think so!

Having gone back on the apps after 4/5 months off, the men who a year ago ghosted me, unmatched, were monosyllabic, rude, sleazy etc are all still on there. So their immature twatty behaviour not getting them far 🤦‍♀️

I totally agree. If someone is right for you, he is right for you. If someone is aloof, he isn't aloof because of you.

Communication is such an important thing for me and just being able to talk and plan and work through things.

Also i think fundamentally, it's about finding someone you could call when you're having a rough day and trust him. I met interesting guys but only a few i would trust when having a bad day.

For all that I am usually little miss cool, I am fucking bricking it about tonight now arrrgggghhh

Oh no, why? The worst case scenarios are not that bad, the likelihood is you'll have a nice time even if he isn't the one for you! Are you having dinner?

Just nerves I think. The chatting for two weeks has probably got me over invested TBH. Am thinking I'd like it to work out with him.

It's normal to be a little nervous if you like someone