Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98
Mr J is losing points rapidly here. He must start early if his break is at 10am. But maybe that's beside the point. I'd be a bit flummoxed by that to be honest. But I guess in terms of time efficiency for you (although maybe not at 10am) at least a short, fixed ended meet up would cut an end to it all or rule him back in.

That’s how I feel tbh. It’s like I’m just expected to slot into what’s convenient for him regardless of what suits me.

Im going to reply and say it’s too early see what he says

That would be a definite no from me. This guy has no time even for a first date, so how much time does he have for a relationship?

@SamW98 first date during a break from work does sound very low effort from his side. And what you've said before, no wonder he hasn't had a date before! Hopefully he comes back strong with a better offer, but sounds very weird.

@Thatsthebottomline

Hahaahahaha on your speed dating story though commiserations it was so dire!
Do you live in a really rough area or something?

How tall are you that people are so rude to you about your height? (I am 5’2 and was married both times to tallish guys and first time ever went on a date recently with someone 5”6-5”7 and it was such a nice feeling, one of the best things about the date!)

Sounds like you need access to more “highbrow” circles @Thatsthebottomline where you could meet people specifically more up your street? anything on Meet up?

Which dating app do you use?

I matched with a (not tall guy) mostly because his bio was so hilariously random and I suspect filtered out/put off 95% of women but also meant honed in those who were really compatible with him on him. I since realise for anyone non average this is a way to go, to write a very honestly displaying what you are about profile so that mostly/only people on your frequency then would resonate with it…

I've asked Thursday Man for a second date. I realised I effectively offered him what Mr J has offered and that it may have come across like I'm not very interested - which I am, but I see the first date as more of a "screening". I've suggested drinks or dinner after work, so let's see...

What are you planning to say @SamW98 ?

I am like these men! 😩😩 sex was an issue and but even then now it’s the longest I’ve gone without either and struggling like you,@Pepsimaxedout
but have tried “casual” first time in my life, didn’t go all the way only because it was my first time with the bloke on that date and it was my period.
Discovered that though I can do and enjoy sex with a semi-stanger the lack of connection makes it a little transactional and that in turn takes the sexiness out of it ☹️
Sort of starts feeling like mutually providing a service, EVEN if you find the guy quite hot and the fact that he wants you so sexy…it was still missing something. I think if I had full sex I might have felt slightly hollow afterwards 🤔

But that was my only/first time after exactly two years of celibacy breaking up with ex of 17 years. If anyone told younger me I would go two years without sex I would never have believed it. Ex even sent an angry message the other day(He periodically does) mentioning that he expects I got laid with a 100 people by now and I thought, if only you knew. With my libido I should have! But to go out looking for “bodies” just feels wrong. Plus if a man is a cute idiot it would feel unsexy or like taking advantage of someone with limited cognitive abilities 😄

I feel so stuck! I fancy women too though(but heteroromantic, can’t form romantic relationships with a woman) so wondering now if there’s a chance of a purely sexual or FWB relationship with a woman 🤔 so far in RL I’ve only come across lesbians who want a relationship so that obviously wouldn’t work…and my only app has been Bumble which bi women don’t seem to use much…

I have a first date next Friday! I'm really excited and I'm just going to let myself be excited for it... we're meeting in the afternoon and as single mum who rarely gets to go out for a drink, let alone one in the middle of the day I'm pulling out all the stops. I've spoken to this guy a couple of times on the phone and fancy him from his photos. We're going to have a video chat this week...

Thing is, what should I wear for a day date! I want to make a real effort (more for me, as I rarely go out anymore)!

Aw @SamW98 why does it have to be so difficult.
As a previous poster said effort is attractive, effort communicating, effort organising, effort engaging.

@mumofoneanddone82 that’s great and you should be excited!
I would wear either a skirt and jumper with boots or trainers, or jeans, top and blazer, with trainers. I would want to look nice but not ott, and have the focus on my top half as that’s the bit that is on show when you’re at a table.
Wear something that you feel comfortable in too, and that makes you feel good, and enjoy 😊

That’s exactly my thoughts. It is very low bar and lacking in effort. Do I really want a first date squeezed into someone’s working day where he turns up wearing his uniform? Absolutely no.

I don’t think expecting an actual proper date rather than being crammed into someone’s break is much to ask is it?

I’m planning my reply now but think I’m just going to say that doesn’t really work for me and that our schedules seem to not align. I’ll probably add I don’t feel he’s got the time to dedicate to dating let alone a relationship.

@Mountainormolehills yes. I'm thinking the skirt boot combo and I love a blazer - great shout! This guy seems really nice, not in a love
Bombing way but just messages to say he is excited to meet me and (I never realised this before) but I seem to apologise all the time! He sent me a lovely message to say I need to stop worrying or saying sorry as I seem fantastic. I am not new to dating, so I know all the pitfalls but even if it is a week of feeling like this I need to try and be open and not cynical that every man is an arsehole! 😂

What does he do for work? The only reason I suggest something like that is so that the date has a definite end time in case there's no spark but it's hard to get away. I see the first meet up as almost like a "pre date". If that makes sense?

@SamW98 sorry this guy is such a dick! I'd avoid if possible. I felt like this over a guy a few weeks ago and as there is such slim pickings was going to settle for his low effort as I liked our chat etc! But then I stopped myself and have gone through about 2000 profiles over the past two weeks. Chatted to everyone that talked to me and have (I hope I'm not tempting fate) a date lined up with a seemingly lovely, high effort man next Friday! Use your energy for someone who reciprocates it x

Realise I sound insane with the 2000 profiles, but I paid to see who liked me on tinder and it was quantity over quality but it was cathartic too!

Well I’ve sent a message saying that doesn’t work for me and I feel that if he doesn’t have time to date other than being squeezed into his break then he’s not going to be able to give me what I’m looking for in a relationship.

Ffs - what a waste of a few weeks but onwards and upwards

@mumofoneanddone82 women tend to over apologise - instead of saying sorry say ‘thank you’ so not ‘sorry that I’m shy/sorry I took ages to get back to you’ more ‘thanks for bringing me out of my shell/thanks for your patience, it’s been a busy day!
Your outfit sounds perfect! Let us know how it goes

I always like the first date to be daytime - as in afternoon not breakfast time - with the flexibility that if it goes well, it continue but if we’re not feeling it we can cut short. The close ended pre date feels like there might as well be a timer on the table telling us how long we’ve got but that’s just my preference.

Tbh I’d already said to him previously I felt like he didn’t really have time to date properly which he came back with that’s not true he has loads of free time - except it doesn’t seem to be the case.

@SamW98 yeah I see that if you've already expressed concern about it then he would have been wise to ask to meet after work or at least for a nice lunch.

I'm seeing Thursday Man on Monday for lunch. We'll see how that goes - I think we might have quite different lifestyles.

I totally agree, if you'd already raised it with him in terms of concerns that he doesn't have time to date and he then offers a slot during his work break at 10am whilst also having given the message that he has loads of free time then he is short of some brain capacity as well as time.

@friendswiththemonstera what makes you think you may have v different lifestyles? Good that you have a second date lined up though.

@mumofoneanddone82 I have a date uniform! I have a few dresses that work day or night and wear them with boots and a jacket.

Making effort is the sexiest thing a man can do!

Oh forgot to mention as it’s on his break from work, it’s also in a town about 20/25 drive from where I live. So it’s pretty much all the effort on me!!

Think we know why he’s not had a date in 18 months if this is the bar he sets.