Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Just had a message from someone I was chatting to last night...who seemed normal asking if I woke up wet thinking about him...unmatch immediately 🤦‍♀️🤢

Grim

FFS 🤢 why do they do this? Is that honestly what they think women want to discuss?

How is it so difficult to find a man who can hold a normal conversation and not turn things sexual straightaway? Grim as fuck

I’ve got one female friend who is like that with sex - she can have sex with a man 30 seconds after she meets them, get dressed and walk away without looking back over her shoulder but it’s definitely more unusual for women to have that emotional disconnect.

Ive seen loads of posts on here from women saying first/second date sex is pretty much the expected thing from both sides as there’s no point getting to know someone until you know if the sex is worth it but I’m the polar opposite. I need that connection before I can even kiss someone let alone sleep with them. For me intimacy builds over time, it’s not an instant thing.

@SamW98 I think I am more like your friend. There are men who I would happily have sex with straight away after meeting them when there is an instant physical attraction.

Even though I am more open to a FWB situation than most on here I suspect, I still don't like the men who jump to sex straight away. Men who make an effort are very sexy IMO.

Yeah I agree.

This discussion reminds me of a quote by Nietzsche "Sensuality often hastens the "Growth of Love" so much that the roots remain weak and are easily torn up."

I have found that passion almost always fizzles out, and then what's left are the foundations of trust, respect, and friendship.

I think a lot of films are made about romantic love, which is exciting and happens at the very beginnins of a relationship, but too little about Platonic love --- which is about the friendship and comnection of a couple once those days of romance end.

I've not been naked with anyone but my ex for the last 18 years. The idea getting naked with a random and sex being expected on the first or second date is 😳
Having said that I am slightly older and by the looks of some of the ones that are liking my profile I'd be worried about any undue activity would not be good for their blood pressure 😆

This is beyond grim 🤢🤢🤢

I hear you! I was with my ex for 23 years and had a 2.5 year relationship after we split but I was absolutely hammered the first time I slept with him 🤦‍♀️ not sure I could have gone through with it otherwise.

Having been single a few years now and been through lockdown, I find the thought of getting myself scrubbed up to meet some random bloke way too much effort - let alone having to get my bits waxed.

😆IME a lot of men aged 40s and above have come out of marriages where perhaps sex was an issue. So I think they have mentally made sex the big thing they want in a new relationship.

Sex wasn't an issue with my ex. Lots of other issues but there was regular sex at least! To be honest, this is the longest I have gone without in my adult life and I am struggling now 🤐

Well, it’s been pretty grim. I had no ides it would be as bad as this. I’ve expanded on the OLD front as that was always going to be difficult. My latest “getting out of my comfort zone” was speed dating. Here’s how it went.

We had a group of 30 that were booked in and paid for, 15 men, 15 women. Of that group 6 women dropped out and 3 other blokes were turned away. One bloke got very mouthy and proceed to scream and shout and smash a table up, to which one of the women was so turned on by this she left with him there and then.

Of the eight women left we “borrowed” two helpers to make it a little more even. One of the helpers was the organisers mum, and we borrowed someone who we found half way through was lost and looking for Zumba upstairs.

I observed the room and listened a lot like I normally do in each five minute conversation. I found myself using some of these answers a lot.

1. No I do not wear a baseball cap.
2. No I do not have any previous convictions
3. No I didn’t smoke and neither did I know anybody with a light
4. Yes, I really am qualified to look after children, no I am not there for “sport”
5. Sadly Rocky is not my favourite film and I am unable to quote any of it
6. Two of the women thought reading was “posh” and one of these woman hadn’t read a book “in about 20 years”. I neglected to tell them about the amount of time I spend in the Library.
7. No, this country wouldn’t be great if it “wasn’t for all the asylum seekers living in hotels”
8. I am not sitting on a small chair, this really is as tall as i am
9. I do go to the gym three times a week but sadly i have been unsuccessful in getting an audition for the “Dream Boys”
10. I can string several paragraphs together without the need for swearing.

They do these events every month and the organiser said this was the best turn out yet. The end of the evening saw the most popular man get a phone call from his ex wife (who called her something else) and they proceeded to have a loud, angry 15 minute rant at each other. I wasn’t sure but i might have seen some drool drooping for the baying crowd.

It was time to go home and that was the best part of the whole sorry evening.

I completely agree re the men on OLD. I think the ones in their 40’s and 50’s cone out of long dead marriages where sex was birthdays and Christmas in missionary if they were lucky and are now like dogs on heat - especially as they’re probably living alone watching porn every night.

Coupled with this, many of them haven’t had to chat up women since the 80’s or 90’s and literally don’t have a clue hence the high number of ‘cracking tits love’ type opening messages. Maybe at 18 they would have gotten away with it, now they sound like sleazy creeps .

@Thatsthebottomline Oh no, I had hoped speed dating would be a tad better cos you get that face to face time. It was interesting to read about your time although I'm sorry it didn't go well. I agree, there are certain events and nights out where going back home truly is the best bit.

@Pepsimaxedout

Same with me, sex wasn't an issue, it was actually great but there were lots of other issues that then impacted more generally over time.

Does make me worry though that I could end up with something not so good. Especially given the state of play with the men in my age bracket.

Ok just as I’ve decided that it’s going nowhere with Mr J he’s asked if I’m free on Saturday to meet up.

WWYD - I’ve got no plans so I’m thinking I might as well go and see how he is in real life.

@SamW98 what does your gut say?

I would call his bluff and say ‘great! You name the time and place’ and see if he stands on business or slithers away

@SamW98 Yay! I would do the same, might as well see how he is in real life. Well I'm glad he finally offered. Maybe we were too quick to write him off.

@SamW98 go and see what he is like in real life you never know he might just be a shit texter and be better in the flesh!!

If you have no plans I would go but I wouldn't be making room for him IYSWIM.

SamW- I am the same as you. I need to get to know a man over time. Then I get to like the personality and being with him. Then I start to think about them more intimately. But, I need a build up. I haven’t met a man I have liked for ages now. That is what is so disappointing with dating. When you meet a guy you like they ghost. I met a guy I was really excited about a couple of years ago. He had a lovely mop of hair, a beautiful smile, a gorgeous accent and he wore a trendy pair of black, round framed glasses. I thought he was absolutely lovely. I was dreaming about him everyday. Then he ghosted me. That’s dating over and over.

Hahahaha!!!
I agree, I haven't been with anyone else since before my ex and children which was over 13 years ago.
Im scared I don't even know what to do anymore 🤣🤣🤣

Oh yes @SamW98 ! You should go - even if it's just for a good story! I'm invested now.

A quiet weekend coming up for me date wise - too complicated to meet Mr B with my plans and his late flight arrival. Going out with colleagues tomorrow and to a disco on a boat on Saturday😂 I feel strangely relieved I haven't got any dates. Possibly one on Monday.

@SamW98 I definitely think you should go & meet Mr J if you've got no other plans. I'm over invested in it so it's only fair that you meet and report back to us 😆

@SamW98 also, yes! Go! Do it! You just never know 🙂

If you've got no plans I'd go, you have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain ❤️