Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm currently stuck in the loop of good morning/afternoon/night, how was your day/night/weekend with Mr Sun.

I don't really want to suggest meeting up as I'm not really able to before Easter weekend, however he doesn't appear to want to move the conversation on 😩😩😩

That’s how I’ve got with Mr J and it’s so dull. Feels like we know absolutely nothing about each other and we’ve not moved on from the first few messages.

That must be soul destroying. They must be interesting and funny. It doesn't matter how good looking they are! Life can be boring, life can be cruel. You need a sense of humour to get through it so don't want to be with someone like that

OMG I have just spotted a real life dating profile of a man with a big fish!!! If ever there was a sign to come off the app, this was surely it?!

@Pepsimaxedout it is almost exciting when you first see it, it's like I've made it 🤣 (also, we need a bingo card for the cliches)

I'm trying my best to stay age-approriate, but it's difficult with so many men over 40+ either taking really bad pictures or looking an absolute mess. Or lying their age. Or all the above

@Browniesandcustard you were taking about match the other day, mine has gone different on the search screen now. It won't let me swipe through the search results. I have the same kind of screen toi described now.

@User990 it is exactly like OLD Bingo. I've had dick pick, weirdo, man at the top of everest, sex pest, ghosting and now man with big fish!

Ahhh, classic. If you've been swiping and you haven't seen a man and his big fish you've been doing it wrong

I have recently , dropped back into Old
Slim pickings in my area, Bumble nada
Hinge, not used before, any tips ??
Match, not got a clue lol
Recently divorced , yeahhh 😀

@librauk I really didn't like Hinge, it seemed like everyone in there was the same type of person just in different costume! Bumble I really dislike and found it really disheartening that women are meant to be in control, so you send all these first messages and nobody ever replies! Match was truly awful... I hated the fact you received lots of unsolicited messages from men you really didn't want to speak to. My firm favourite is still Tinder. I would pay to see who likes you (cuts out the bullshit) and yes you have to shift through a lot and put in some effort! But I've had the best chats and dates with people off Tinder.

@Pepsimaxedout its really, really annoying isn’t it 😭

Hi everyone, this is such a helpful thread, thanks for sharing your experiences.
I've started trying out OLD after separating last year. Few chats that didn't come to much then matched with someone and we got on really well.
He was super keen though which made me a bit nervous, asked to meet after a couple of days but it took a couple of weeks to find a free day. We messaged lots in that time, few phone chats etc and all seeming hopeful.
Met last weekend and had a really good date, got on well and a kiss at the end.
He sent me a voice note on his way home saying he'd had a really great time but thought maybe I wasn't interested or had been put off, said he didn't want to be a disappointment to me 🤷‍♀️
Then cue more messages over the last few days saying he thinks I'm great but he's in a really stressed place with work, thought he was in a better place for dating than he is and doesn't think he can give me what i deserve.
Is this a thing? I don't know if it's some kind of fuckwittery or if he's genuinely in a bad place, not sure whether to move on or keep the door open?

@YouCantCallMeBetty OLD messes with a lot of peoples head. The long times between dates but messaging and phone calls in between times leads to over investment. But also over thinking. Which it sounds like what he is doing. Personally, I would throw this one back. He doesn't sound like he knows what he wants TBH.

Yeh, I don't like it now either! Definitely time to delete it!

I feel quite bad this morning after ditching local shop man last night. I let it linger on too long TBH after being busy in work this week and not having the head space to deal with it. He started sending me a load of emotional trauma dumping messages (not worked through his own break up etc) and I just instantly thought 'I'm not fucking doing this again!'. So I ended up messaging him saying this was a hit heavy and not what I am looking for. Sorry. Bye. I didn't handle it very well at all and now I feel like shit. Even though he turned up to a date smelling of BO.

@YouCantCallMeBetty i think you and me have dated the same guy or there is plenty of them out there! Came on strong, I tried to slow him down, decided I liked him. Then he couldn’t give me what I wanted! 🙄 I don’t know about you but all I wanted was to date and go from there! I feel your pain. To many game players, time wasters out there…

Thanks @Pepsimaxedout sage advice, need to get my armour on a bit I think. Onwards and upwards 😆

@Pepsimaxedout you ditched him, politely. There isn't really much to be gained from prolonging things. He will mentally move on faster this way. Well done for doing it - you shouldn't feel guilty.

Exactly @Poppyzo! He's acting like I'd asked to marry him 🤦‍♀️
Hopefully not too many of them around but good that they make themselves known early doors I guess.

Hinge was a waste of time for me. Tried it twice and never had a single match whereas the others I get loads.

When I tried hinge it seemed to be full of men who spend all weekend partaking in outdoor pursuits and most profile photos were halfway up a mountain or jumping out of a plane.

Poppyzo- I hear you about too many men wanting to rush to the physical side. I don’t feel anything for them at the beginning, as he is a stranger. They just don’t get that, do they?

OLD is the pits. I no longer partake in it. I can’t stand off all the tedious texting and boring banter. The men on them are mainly affection/sex starved people who want to be validated. Little boys who live inside a man’s body.

I know you are right. I feel bad that it got to the stage where he felt like he could be vulnerable with me before I ended it. But I hate that anyway. I have known this man two weeks. Why would you share your deep emotions about your break up and not seeing your kids everyday with someone you have known two weeks? Talk to your mates and family or get a bloody therapist like the rest of us had to do!

I think you are spot on @Spain1986 there are too many men out there who don't have friends/a shoulder to cry on and expect women to fall into the mother role quickly. I hate it. I have my happy little life by myself. I just want a nice man who I can have fun with. Not a broken one who needs fixing.

I don't think a lot of men need an emotional connection or actually need to like or know a woman to have sex with them. So no, they don't get it.

I remember once seeing that men see sex as the seed or the start of the process of building intimacy and women see sex as the fruit or the end result of building intimacy.

So...I am back on bumble!
Have had a few matches so far and chatting to a few people...messages coming through slowly which I am ok about!
Have reached my swipe limit for the day and not paying!!
My first match I sent the question of 'what do you not know about me from my profile'
I jokingly said that you are married with 17 kids...he said that I like sexy underwear then asked me what my favourite style and colour was...unmatched immediately!!
Plenty of fish holding, motorbike riding, gym going, vest wearing men on there so things haven't changed since the start of the year 😉😉

@Spain1986 the more I am reading of our joint horror stories, the more I am with you. Just can’t be arsed to waste my life with the
is bs anymore but equally not sure what the alternative is!!