Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98 this is what is worrying me about rejoining the apps (planning to go back on bumble this weekend)
The guy I was chatting to the conversation just flowed and was so easy (until he freaked out and decided he wasn't ready for a relationship even though we hadn't even discussed a relationship starting!!) so now I think most conversations I have are going to be like pulling teeth....I hate small talk at the best of times!!
Couple of questions for you all before I rejoin apps...how honest are you on your profile for what you are looking for?
And has anyone heard of the dating app Badoo, is it any good??

@SamW98 urgh I hate the conversations like those! Nothing worse.

@2anddone I have actually found a few who had good conversations. So there is hope. Although looks wise, they weren't all that.

Although I have a date on Saturday with a bloke who is good conversation and looks fit in his photos. Just hope he is as good looking in real life. He has booked for us to have dinner on Saturday though which I don't like on a first date and I've just realised where we are going is where I went on my first date with my ex husband. 😆

My take is that they are misogynists who just like taking the piss out of women. (I’m very jaded.)

You are definitely not alone. I’ve been saying the same, just dire this time round and mine will be about 2.5 years since the last attempt. The number of guys who just want to chat and then when push comes to shove disappear when it’s time to meet is crazy. My thoughts are the few decent ones, like us, are fed up and off the apps! Who knows?!

Need a little rant. I specify I’m interested in a sport on my bio but that I don’t like competing. In the space of one evening two separate men have

• shared their PBs with me (I didn’t ask)
• told me I could google an aspect of the event I’m doing next month

i’m so tired of being mansplained to on the apps. Do any other sporty daters experience this? About to give up.

Was due to go on a date this Saturday with a Mr RAF and he was guilty of bullet point one, as well as digging into details of my training. I literally say in my bio I hate competing. Pisses me off.

So anyone here on Match that can explain why my ‘likes’ ‘views’ ‘interactions’ have switched to me not actually being able to see people just a description and a half head shot? I’m subscribed for another month but I have to now click on every ‘they’ve looked at you’ to see who has looked rather than see each face? ….?! All a bit weird tbh but might be my complete lack of IT knowledge 😂

@2anddone @Pepsimaxedout

I think of you’ve got that as your conversation starting hint at last have a bloody decent anecdote ready to share. It’s just another dull tedious man with zero communication probably moaning why he gets unmatched all the time.

@Getitgirl I think it's just men dick swinging TBH. I mentioned gaming on my profile and I get men challenging me and telling me how much better than me they are.

Messaged my ex colleague, Ms Runner, to ask if she could be persuaded to go out on date and she replied

"Probably not but thanks for the offer maybe catch up sometime tho x"

Not sure if this is leaving the door at least slightly open

And Mr J just very casually mentioned he’s got 4 days left at work this week - which seems to be his way of saying he’s not free for yet another weekend.

I’ve not replied - I can’t be arsed

Ugh, sorry you get this too. It’s SO puerile and off putting

Is it that they've hidden their profile? Mine has been a bit glitchy since I cancelled my subscription but I still have time left on it and can see stuff normally.

@TobyEsterhase she’s trying to shut the door, trust me. Sorry.

Sorry but I would say that’s telling you you’re strictly in the friend zone

I would read this as she is not interested in dating you or a relationship. She is only wanting to maintain the friendship.

@Pepsimaxedout i don’t think so - it’s all of the views/likes etc. You usually see a picture and details, now it’s just details and no picture. All a bit odd ….

@2anddone I don't have a ton of info in my profile but it is clear that I'm looking for a relationship rather than a hook up. But that hasn't stopped getting lots of messages where that is clearly the intention. I think it I just wanted FWB for example I would have that on the profile.

It is also clear from the profile that I have kids. I have two teenagers one of whom is only just a teen so a good few years away from complete independence and I'm starting to think maybe I should make this more clear on the profile as maybe it's an issue.

When I first set out I assumed it would only be other single parents who I'd likely match with if anyone but I've had quite a few with no kids like my profile but once we actually start chatting and I actually specify their ages it's maybe off putting. But don't really want to shine a spot light on it either.

Very tricky, neither of the last two I matched with have messaged back and this morning someone interesting messaged via the invitation thing on Match which I never usually respond to but his profile had caught my eye previously so I did but reading back the message I sent sounded so negative. He had asked me how I was finding the search and I didn't hold back 😂 so I think Ive probably messed that one up.

Back to thinking I need to take a break!

@Pepsimaxedout great that you have something lined up for the weekend. Fingers crossed he is as fit in real life, good chat and easy on the eye seems to be extremely hard to come by!

@SamW98 sounds like both Mr J and Mr Rematch need deleted. So disappointing!

I am properly panicking and excited at the same time. He seems like a genuine nice guy and ticking a lot of boxes. I'm just waiting on something to go wrong though TBH.

Hi all! I think thjngs might be fizzling out with my Saturday night date guy!
We quickly arranged for date 3 and he put forward a few suggestions. I was a bit shit at replying as I wasn't well this week and now I haven't heard back from him!
Don't feel confident as nothing set in stone or anything...
Really growing tired of all this uncertainty 🙈

Hope everyone is hanging in there!

Mr J messaged this morning but I’ve not replied. It’s gone nowhere in a month. Literally just ‘morning have a good day’ ‘evening how’s your day been’ rinse and repeat.

Whats more annoying is I’m clear from day 1 that I’m not interested in a penpal and that if they’re not up for meeting within a fortnight then bye bye. I only gave him a bit of leeway because of his dad passing and me having quite a busy few weeks but seems like he’s just a time waster.

Mr Rematch I’ve not bothered to engage him in any more scintillating conversation 🤦‍♀️

He’s really attractive in a normal sort of way but obviously still single because he’s got the personality and social skills of a house brick ffs

@SamW98 I think the bit about not wanting a pen pal and meeting within 2 weeks unless exceptional circs like a bereavement is really good advice. I've realised that I'm actually really quite upset by the loss of the one I had been chatting with most evenings for over 2 weeks. Which I do know is ridiculous and makes me concerned about how lonely I might actually be even though up until starting all this I thought I was really quite happy.

I know you'd said in a previous post it builds a false sense of intimacy and that's exactly it. Would have been fine if we had gone on to meet and that had also gone well but reality is I don't think he had any intention of meeting and for whatever reason enjoyed having a pen pal but no more. Or even if we had met reality is likely it could have been disappointing and more so because of all the build up via the chat.

Equally I don't want to go straight to a face to face meeting without some chat as I want to get some indication about the basics. And then you add in all of the other difficulties and dilemmas associated with OLD and it's no wonder it's such a minefield.

But yes sounds like you are very good at putting a boundary in place and you need shot of both of the current ones.

@blacksocks33 oh no that's not great, I guess maybe he could have been busy at work again. I totally get how anxiety provoking the uncertainty is though.

@2anddone

Im very honest in that I don’t do hook ups or casual. Doesn’t stop the chancers telling me I would change my mind if I had a night with them 🙄

Other than that I’m happy to tell more once we start talking as don’t want either of us wasting time - however I do dread the ‘what are you looking for’ question