How would you interpret this text?

[ApplejackMoondancer]

Received this text yesterday morning when I woke up from my DP:

"I've given this much thought over the last few weeks, but this relationship is not for me. I have mentioned this before but I've never felt so unloved or unwanted. We are clearly not compatible emotionally. I spend all my time being angry and that's not fair on either of us."

When I didn't reply, he then tried to video call me, and followed up with another text: "I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond. Fine, we can speak when you are ready to."

A bit of background, we live about 2.5 hours apart, and other than about 3 occasions it is ALWAYS me who travels to his, usually staying for several days at a time, including helping mind his kids most times when they are there (though this has been a flashpoint in itself recently as his ex wouldn't/couldn't come home from work to look after one of them who was sick and so I helped out, which I was happy to do - but when I didn't even even get so much as a thank you from him, I mentioned how I'd had to sacrifice my own work for the afternoon - I was simply told "you knew what you were getting yourself into".)

I would agree with him that all has not been rosey lately, but from my side much of this has been due to his volatile moods (often caused by alcohol binges - though he's not had a drink for the last 6 weeks which is something), and complete pigheadedness which have made me feel quite insecure and unsettled so I have been holding back with the emotional side of things. E.g. on a recent shopping trip I apparently "annoyed" him because I didn't feel like shopping for sexy underwear, so he proceeded to sulk, and then when I asked if he fancied going for the lunch we'd planned he would barely speak to me, and then announced "I might just leave" and then carried on with his silent treatment until he realised I wasn't indulging him. Other examples include hanging up on me on the phone if I tried to speak with him about something he didn't feel like talking about.

I've not replied to his texts yet (it's been about 24 hours since he sent them) as I just feel so sad, insulted and disrespected, that he felt that telling me in a text was appropriate and the kindest thing after a year together 😞

Any thoughts on how I should respond?

I totally agree.. Take care. Then block.

I'd say Agreed I'd been thinking the same thing and then block him. What does he add to your life? He sounds horrible and abusive

He sounds bloody awful and not worth picking through what he meant. He is a sulky using you for childcare utter man child. Best off out of it ime.

Tell him it’s over and block. Is he 12?

Sounds like the trash has thrown itself out! Let him know you agree and block! What a prat!

Wow. He doesn't deserve another second of your time

Don't reply

Block and walk away

He sounds awful!! How long had you been together?!

Say whatever you need to say to feel better then block him from your life.

I apparently "annoyed" him because I didn't feel like shopping for sexy underwear, so he proceeded to sulk,
Oh....ICK ICK ICK ICK.

Don't bother interpreting that text, just say okay, bye. (btw, he's trying to control and manipulate you with it, just as he has done throughout your one-sided relationship. Run!).

About a year

Which would be very odd since he’s just dumped her, he knows it’s over.

op, why do you need interpretation, he’s ended it. Just respond and say thanks for letting me know, wish you the best, and block .

the relationship doesn’t work for either of you. It’s only a year . It’s over and it’s for the best.

He's done you a favour. Are you really sad about the break up?

Block and move on. He doesn't mean a word of this tripe it's just another version of his sulking/ignoring and general gas-lighting behaviour. You are better off single.

Pack up and post back anything of his you have at yours and if you have nothing then that shoukd tell you absolutely everything about his commitment to you.

I can't really block him as I have lots of my things at his, which I do want to get back from him somehow.

Honestly I wouldn't be wasting my time "interpreting" his text. Frankly, who gives a toss? Sorry, but this man is crap.

I would just block him and not get in contact again, but people differ and you may wish to send him a goodbye text of some kind.

@ApplejackMoondancer how important are the things in comparison to having to further tolerate his awful behaviour?
Are the things worth, say £200? So £200 buys your freedom from him if you just let it go, IYSWIM? He sounds seriously horrible.

I think the nail in coffin for me was when he asked me to make a Mother's Day card for his ex wife from his kids (I make homemade cards). Having not even got around to giving me the Valentine's card he got for me (but showed me on a video call - lucky me)!

I pointed out to him how completely inappropriate this was and declined his request!

Oops, cross post. I guess you need to get your stuff back from his house. Can you rely on him to post it?

I wouldn’t bother replying at all.
Is there anything sentimental left at his house of yours?
If not just replace the items.
If there is, take someone over with you when you go to collect.
He’s a turd

Unless it includes inherited family jewellery I'd write these possessions off. If it does go there ASAP and collect.

he is a narcissist, gaslighter, mean individual. How are you not able to see through this. Drinking, pig headed, your own words....why are you there??????

ask him to post your stuff back and don’t engage. He’s clearly hoping you’d be a sad, begging wreck. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

What interpretation is needed? He's finished with you, and it sounds like it's for the best as this relationship wasn't working for you. It's a good thing when a difficult relationship ends, surely? It shouldn't be this difficult after only a year. You don't have kids or property together and aren't married, so realising that it isn't working is a good thing.
Only response needs to be "I agree, it's for the best. Good luck".
When you're compatible with someone, on the early days like this, it's like walking downhill. It's easy and feels natural. This sounds like it's been an uphill struggle for a while.

He's not really breaking up with you. He's playing games to try and make you beg him to stay. If he actually wanted to break up, he'd have sent that message and then hoped that you would just go away quietly. But he's not. He's had his little outburst, and now he's begging for your attention, trying to video call and sending more messages to "talk about it"?

Just read your OP back and look at it objectively.

1. He's got alcohol issues. Probably an alcoholic.
2. He's got you looking after his kids when you've only been on the scene for 12 months and you're in a long distance relationship. Deadbeat dad alert. Also wants free labour from you. And then gaslights you into accepting it because "you knew what you were getting into". Nope.
3. Has a strop when you won't shop for "sexy" underwear with him? Boak.
4. Sulks and threatens to withdraw his presence and attention in order to manipulate you.
5. Stonewalls you and refuses to allow you to raise concerns about the relationship and his behaviour. Literally hangs up and refuses to speak with you.
6. Puts in almost zero effort and has you running around travelling hours and hours to see him.

This guy is a complete loser. If you genuinely don't think you are worth more than this, please seek some therapy urgently to address whatever issues you have that are stopping you from setting appropriate boundaries and knowing what a healthy relationship looks like. And for the love of all things, DO NOT GET PREGNANT.

I'd just reply that 'we're done,' unless it's your grandmother's engagement ring at his place I'd block and move on.

This.

I’m a bit puzzled you’re asking for ‘interpretation’, OP.

This relationship was awful. Now it’s over.

Don’t waste any more mental energy on trying to secondguess the thought processes of a moody alcoholic who won’t parent his own ill children if you’re there to babysit, and who lives hours away.

Be grateful he’s had the cop-on to end it, but ask yourself very seriously why you didn’t end it, given that it wasn’t working for you, either.