How would you interpret this text?

[ApplejackMoondancer]

Received this text yesterday morning when I woke up from my DP:

"I've given this much thought over the last few weeks, but this relationship is not for me. I have mentioned this before but I've never felt so unloved or unwanted. We are clearly not compatible emotionally. I spend all my time being angry and that's not fair on either of us."

When I didn't reply, he then tried to video call me, and followed up with another text: "I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond. Fine, we can speak when you are ready to."

A bit of background, we live about 2.5 hours apart, and other than about 3 occasions it is ALWAYS me who travels to his, usually staying for several days at a time, including helping mind his kids most times when they are there (though this has been a flashpoint in itself recently as his ex wouldn't/couldn't come home from work to look after one of them who was sick and so I helped out, which I was happy to do - but when I didn't even even get so much as a thank you from him, I mentioned how I'd had to sacrifice my own work for the afternoon - I was simply told "you knew what you were getting yourself into".)

I would agree with him that all has not been rosey lately, but from my side much of this has been due to his volatile moods (often caused by alcohol binges - though he's not had a drink for the last 6 weeks which is something), and complete pigheadedness which have made me feel quite insecure and unsettled so I have been holding back with the emotional side of things. E.g. on a recent shopping trip I apparently "annoyed" him because I didn't feel like shopping for sexy underwear, so he proceeded to sulk, and then when I asked if he fancied going for the lunch we'd planned he would barely speak to me, and then announced "I might just leave" and then carried on with his silent treatment until he realised I wasn't indulging him. Other examples include hanging up on me on the phone if I tried to speak with him about something he didn't feel like talking about.

I've not replied to his texts yet (it's been about 24 hours since he sent them) as I just feel so sad, insulted and disrespected, that he felt that telling me in a text was appropriate and the kindest thing after a year together 😞

Any thoughts on how I should respond?

Ugh. He sends you a text ending the relationship and then expects you to reply? What for? Probably hoping you'd be upset or begging to discuss things/drag it out further. This is manipulative and controlling (as well as everything else you've already said about him).

The only appropriate response is silence or "I agree this relationship doesn't work/is over. Bye."

What a tosser.

He is being manchild & behaving like one. Agree with the 👍 response followed up by ‘agree - this is a lost cause’.

& make whatever arrangements you need to get your stuff back.

He's obviously hoping that you would cry and beg him to not split up. The fact that he dumped you by text, then when he got no response he rang, then no response he messaged again...you didn't give him the response he wanted! Good for you, by the way! He sounds awful and far too much hard work. Is the stuff at his place replaced? If it's not got any sentimental value I'd leave it.

Thank goodness he is just a boyfriend of around a year, and that it wasn't that serious i.e. no joint children.

Unless the items you have left at his are worth £0000's ? don't bother, just block / delete and move on.

I would say something like 'I couldn't agree more.' Then delete and block.

Thank you darling. I agree the relationship should end. Block.

Are the things you have at his really things you can’t afford to just leave behind?

It would be a shame to be talked into continuing this relationship with a volatile, ungrateful drunk.

Yep 👏

He sounds like a knob. Ignore and block

He's an idiot. It's all a manipulation tactic, he didn't want to end it, he wanted you to cry and beg to stay together.
Good for you that you've seen through it, hopefully he sends your stuff and that's the last you'll hear from him!

No interpretation required. The relationship stank, it's dead in the water, get your stuff back and move on and away from the whole mess.

Just read your last message. A good dignified response. Get your stuff and don't look back.

And don't send back a thing if his until you have your stuff

It must be quite a relief that it is now over, it really wasn't meant to be - was it.

I haven't even read this fully through op but he has done you the BIGGEST favour. Please never ever settle for someone like him again.

Someone will appreciate your kind and thoughtful ways and they will return it in kind.

"I've given this much thought over the last few weeks, but this relationship is not for me. I have mentioned this before but I've never felt so unloved or unwanted. We are clearly not compatible emotionally. I spend all my time being angry and that's not fair on either of us."

It's not often you get such a golden opportunity to end a bad relationship.

I'd say "I'm sorry you've been unhappy and agree it's best we conclude this isn't working. I know you probably hoped for a response where I made changes to make it work, but in all honesty, I've given as much to this as I'm prepared to, and have my own concerns, that I probably should have acted upon sooner. So I think your decision is the best for both of us. These things are never easy, so to make it as painless as possible, I'm not going to be contacting or responding to you again." Then add any practical stuff about how to return property etc.