How would you interpret this text?

[ApplejackMoondancer]

Received this text yesterday morning when I woke up from my DP:

"I've given this much thought over the last few weeks, but this relationship is not for me. I have mentioned this before but I've never felt so unloved or unwanted. We are clearly not compatible emotionally. I spend all my time being angry and that's not fair on either of us."

When I didn't reply, he then tried to video call me, and followed up with another text: "I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond. Fine, we can speak when you are ready to."

A bit of background, we live about 2.5 hours apart, and other than about 3 occasions it is ALWAYS me who travels to his, usually staying for several days at a time, including helping mind his kids most times when they are there (though this has been a flashpoint in itself recently as his ex wouldn't/couldn't come home from work to look after one of them who was sick and so I helped out, which I was happy to do - but when I didn't even even get so much as a thank you from him, I mentioned how I'd had to sacrifice my own work for the afternoon - I was simply told "you knew what you were getting yourself into".)

I would agree with him that all has not been rosey lately, but from my side much of this has been due to his volatile moods (often caused by alcohol binges - though he's not had a drink for the last 6 weeks which is something), and complete pigheadedness which have made me feel quite insecure and unsettled so I have been holding back with the emotional side of things. E.g. on a recent shopping trip I apparently "annoyed" him because I didn't feel like shopping for sexy underwear, so he proceeded to sulk, and then when I asked if he fancied going for the lunch we'd planned he would barely speak to me, and then announced "I might just leave" and then carried on with his silent treatment until he realised I wasn't indulging him. Other examples include hanging up on me on the phone if I tried to speak with him about something he didn't feel like talking about.

I've not replied to his texts yet (it's been about 24 hours since he sent them) as I just feel so sad, insulted and disrespected, that he felt that telling me in a text was appropriate and the kindest thing after a year together 😞

Any thoughts on how I should respond?

He is showing his true colours isn’t he?

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts i have never hear about ‘dread gaming’ but I can recognise that pattern of behaviour!!

I completely agree with those who say he was hoping you’d call in a panic begging him to reconsider. Otherwise why not just video call in the first place to do it face to face? Why text then call?

"I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond. Fine, we can speak when you are ready to."

You just KNOW he's thinking shit shit shit I finished with her and she hasn't come running like I thought she would. NowwhaddoIdo? I know....a PA message.

He was trying to manipulate and test you. He sounds like a man who wants you unsettled and on edge so you'll accept his shitty behaviour without challenge.
Please don't let him suck you back in. Get your belongings if you have to (or have a friend come/handover) then block him for good.

Your reply was perfect. I'm so sorry that he thought it was okay to disrespect you, and break up with you via text?!! Who does that past the age of 18?!

Mine would be 'You haven't hurt me. I'm just relieved.'

He replied right away saying that what he said in his text came out wrong and that's why he was calling

What IS it with these people who apparently have phones that send texts that come out wrong? don't they read them before pressing send?

God, even his backtracking is shit isn't it?

How did he think "He replied right away saying that what he said in his text came out wrong" would line up with "I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond". It's pure manipulation, backtracking and lies.

He replied right away saying that what he said in his text came out wrong and that's why he was calling, that he is heartbroken and will send my things. Then another message saying "I'm really sorry for hurting you".

What a total twat. Did he not come across as a total twat before?

He knows it's over. He dumped the OP. Why would she say it's over?

I'd just block. I would not bother responding at all.

"No need to be sorry, it was coming to a natural end anyway" is perfect.

Mine would be 'You haven't hurt me. I'm just relieved.'
Sounds too much like you are trying to end up one up. Much better to be completely neutral.

Good reply, OP.
Probably even better than 'who dis?'

Don't get suckered in by this...sucker.

I know it’s tempting to respond. The best response is nothing. Wait to see if your stuff turns up. If it doesn’t, this is the time to respond. And do be aware, he may add a present with your stuff try to reel you back in, or not send everything at once.

Your reply was bloody great OP. You're well rid.

Chin up, tits out and live the rest of your life in beautiful peace and quiet ☺️❤️

Just reply with a cheery "You are right, it seems we are and I agree its best for us to call it a day. I'll pop up at the weekend to collect my things. No hard feelings and all my best wishes to you and your future happiness ! Applejack"

If he sends texts that come out so wrong that it sounds like he's ending the relationship when he isn't, I think you're better off looking with someone a bit less clueless at texting.

If he claims he can't say what he means and mean what he says, there's little point talking to him.

Ha...he overegged his own pudding.

Prepare for Operation Backpedal, the manipulative wanker.

You're better off out of it, natch.

He is clearly trying to use ending things to get a reaction. I wouldn’t respond further now - sounds like it’s for the best

This is just like the other times when he tried to manipulate you and then changed tactic when he realised you weren't falling into line.

Man likes to try to play games, but isn't even any good at it.

Got to feel sorry for his ex wife. She is stuck raising kids with this wanker.

Well done OP.
He’s had plenty of time to come up with an excuse for that message and all he could manage was ‘my text came out wrong’. Which is something he would have instantly texted if it was true.

He was hoping you would panic and call and promise to change to make him want to stay with you.

Absolutely well done for being far cleverer. Especially ignoring his ‘I’m heartbroken’ which of course was meant to make you reply ‘me too’ then he could say ‘shall we meet up?’ etc.

I expect he will try and manipulate you regarding your belongings in some way. Such as, can you collect in person to chat as he has something special to say to your face. He can’t get to the post office this week. He’s in your town next week can he drop them off (my friend’s ex tried this one then said they needed to stay over as they had a headache and couldn’t drive back) and so on. If you end up going to collect, take a friend.

Onwards and upwards
💐

This. He's a loser. In the bin.

Probs pretending to end things so you go grovelling back. He’s a manipulative arsehole. Write off any of the stuff that you’re able to that is left at his house. Get rid

If you have to have your stuff back the only reply should be to ask him to pack it up and to arrange a time to collect. That’s it. Try and have someone go with you.
He sounds really awful and I don’t think it will be long before you agree.

He’s not even worth the time it took you to write your post.
Your options are to

1. Cut your losses with whatever you left there. Unless it’s a priceless family heirloom you can always buy new stuff and chalk it up to experience to not leave items at places you don’t live at.

This would be my approach personally and I’d message to say “You’re right, we’ve given it a good shot. I wish you all the best for the future and hope you find happiness.” Then block and delete on absolutely everything so he can’t get the last word in.

2. Message back saying “You’re right, we’ve given it a good shot. I’ll be around on x date. Please can you box up (list items) and I’ll pop by to collect them. You can leave them (somewhere secure) for me to collect if you prefer”.

This approach may antagonise him because it’s not the pleading desperation he requires to satisfy his ego and he’s likely to hold your items hostage and use them to keep a line of communication open with you. Not worth it unless these are some seriously one of a kind, priceless items as I said above.

3. Just turn up unannounced when you know he’s going to be there to throw him off guard. He might think you’re there to talk so go in, collect your items and be very civilised and say something the effect of the messages suggested above about “he’s right, it’s not working, best of luck, you’ll be off now” then block on everything.
   This approach is only recommended if these are really some irreplaceable items and you do not worry about him getting aggressive or violent.

4. Send a friend or family member to collect the stuff if you are in anyway concerned about your safety and these are irreplaceable items. Block and delete off everything.

Still recommend number 1 though.

Yiu have dodge a bullet. Block him.

His gamble backfired….
He threw a tantrum and was expecting you to dance around and beg him.

He is a man with no self-awareness and/or ability to give anything in a relationship… He likes getting - and would have tried to get more and more by trying to make you insecure.
Good job you got out before he broke your self esteem!!!!